Sunday, January 13, 2013

Positivity vs. Negativity

I can't tell if I'm a positive or a negative person. I've always liked to say that I'm neither - I'm a realist! But I'm not so sure those are on the same spectrum.

However, reading back through my blog posts, they all seem pretty negative. Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to all of a sudden start posting puppies and rainbows but it does surprise me a bit.  

At work a few months ago, my whole team took a personality test of sorts which identifies your top strengths (out of a list of 32 possible ones) and I got "positivity" as my #4 top strength. I actually think that is quite accurate. When I'm at work I really am the person in the office who reinforces the silver lining in situations and motivates others.  
However, I also have the side of me which comes out here, that is more real and I guess more negative (?).  That doesn't mean that the positive side of me is fake but I have to wonder if that's more my outward persona and this is my inner self. 

I do think I have always battled slight depression.  If I'm being completely honest, life has never been entirely easy for me but I can't really define why that is. I've never talked to anyone about it and I don't think it's something I need medication for or anything but it has always concerned me a little. 
I attribute it to crazy out-of-whack hormones (confirmed by my PCOS and elevated estrogen?) so I forgive myself and just treat myself gently when I feel like that and wait for the feelings to inevitably pass. I am a little concerned that after I have a baby I could develop  postpartum depression though so I plan to talk with my doctor about that.

 Maybe I'm just over-thinking the whole positive vs. negative thing. I started this blog in the first place because I was feeling a little nuts with the whole TTC process and thought it could help.  It has been kind of cathartic for me so maybe I shouldn't bother analyzing and just treat this as the sounding board it was intended to be.   

I had to post one...

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