However, reading back through my blog posts, they all seem pretty negative. Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to all of a sudden start posting puppies and rainbows but it does surprise me a bit.
At work a few months ago, my whole team took a personality test of sorts which identifies your top strengths (out of a list of 32 possible ones) and I got "positivity" as my #4 top strength. I actually think that is quite accurate. When I'm at work I really am the person in the office who reinforces the silver lining in situations and motivates others.
However, I also have the side of me which comes out here, that is more real and I guess more negative (?). That doesn't mean that the positive side of me is fake but I have to wonder if that's more my outward persona and this is my inner self.
I do think I have always battled slight depression. If I'm being completely honest, life has never been entirely easy for me but I can't really define why that is. I've never talked to anyone about it and I don't think it's something I need medication for or anything but it has always concerned me a little.
I attribute it to crazy out-of-whack hormones (confirmed by my PCOS and elevated estrogen?) so I forgive myself and just treat myself gently when I feel like that and wait for the feelings to inevitably pass. I am a little concerned that after I have a baby I could develop postpartum depression though so I plan to talk with my doctor about that.
Maybe I'm just over-thinking the whole positive vs. negative thing. I started this blog in the first place because I was feeling a little nuts with the whole TTC process and thought it could help. It has been kind of cathartic for me so maybe I shouldn't bother analyzing and just treat this as the sounding board it was intended to be.
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