Last Check-in Post: 38 Weeks! (plus nursery pics)

38 weeks down, 1 to go! 
PS: I really can do math but c-section is scheduled for next Friday at 39 weeks (if I make it that far)!

I can't believe I'm finally here, just awaiting the birth of my child anytime now. This has been a looong time coming. Not counting the few months after we lost Petey, I have been pregnant since November of 2013. Holy shit. I am ready to hold my little rainbow.

Here's the (likely) final bump pic: 

I cannot believe I am this large.  I don't think the bump pics even do it justice. I went to a baby store earlier in the week and as I approached the register the girl working there said "Oooo! It looks like someone's having twiiiins!!!"  Sigh. I couldn't even get mad at her though - I'd probably think the same thing. (I just wouldn't be dumb enough to say it.)

In the end I only gained 20 lbs in all (though it looks like 40) so I'll be interested to see Jack's birth weight since as of our last appt they are thinking that although his head is big the rest of him will equal out the weight and he might be more like 8lbs at birth.  I'm huge though because there is just so much extra amnio fluid in there! When my water finally breaks I better hold onto something so I don't get swept away in the flood.

Symptoms: PAIN. Just pain. Everything hurts. I am thrilled there is only 1 more week TOPS to go and I am happy that with every passing hour I get closer to having this baby.  38 weeks was our goal and we made it so Jack can come out aaaaany time now :-)

Other stuff: 
-Today is my last day of work until after 4th of July!  I've been "working" exclusively from home for the last few weeks but today is my official last day. It will be nice to not have that weighing on me anymore and I can just focus exclusively on whatever else we have to do before Jack arrives and take all the naps and epsom salt baths I want during the days without feeling guilty, haha.
-This afternoon we met with our new pediatrician who has experience with Achondroplasia and we looooooved him!  I feel like we will be in very good hands and I am so thrilled I made the connection with another Achon mom to get this recommendation.
-Lastly, I haven't attention-whored the nursery on here yet!  Here are some pics:

  
Everything's ready to go! Now we just need our little guy :-)

So barring any other crazy shit happening [and who knows with the way things go with me ;-) ], my next post should be announcing Jack's arrival!  Dear Lord please let it be a safe delivery of a healthy baby.  Please.

37 weeks - full term!

Well technically today is 36w6d but eh, who cares? When you're already measuring at 42 weeks (!!!) I'm thinking one day doesn't make a difference at this point.

Funny story: Yesterday I had a dr appt and since I'm a house and can't breathe or move now (haha) I took the elevator the one flight up to my OB's office.  Another woman who happened to be massively obese joined me in there (like, really really large; needed oxygen, had a walker, etc.). As she got into the elevator she looked me up and down and said "You're huge!"  LOL! Ok then. Thanks, lady.

I really do look like I have twins in there now.

Weight gain: +19-20 lbs

Belly button: She's poppin'!  Half in and half out at this point :-)

Symptoms: Do I really need to mention how sore and uncomfortable I am? Look at me! 
Good news though is that acid reflux is mostly under control now thanks to 150mg Zantac twice a day.  And unfortunately, I developed a head cold over the past week which was miserable. But luckily it was short lived and is mostly gone now, thank goodness. I cannot imagine how awful it would feel to be in labor when your head weighs a million pounds, you can't breathe, and you are coughing and snotting all over yourself.   

Updates:  So as I said I had an appt yesterday. They did a BPP (Biophysical profile) which consists of a bunch of measures via ultrasound which ensure the baby's heart is fine, he's practicing "breathing" in there, has proper movements and muscle tone and is just ok in general and not in distress. He passed with flying colors!  They also measured my amniotic fluid levels again (it remained the same as last week - very high) and the circumference of his head (it grew just a tiny bit, still in the 97th %ile). Afterwards we met with the high risk OB to discuss the good results, get measured (I'm now measuring another week up, at 42 weeks, yikes) and talk about next steps.  

Our biggest concern right now is where I should plan to deliver. The hospital I was going to be at (and LOVE) only has a special care nursery and not a high level NICU.  Right now the docs *think* our son has Achondroplasia which would mean everything *should* be fine upon birth but they can't rule out other types of dwarfism that are more serious until after he's born. Therefore we could think everything's fine and then oh shit, he ends up breaking bones during delivery, or we find that he has too much compression in his spinal column and requires surgery immediately upon birth...  Overall the docs don't *think* that will happen but they also gave us a disclaimer that they aren't 100% sure. Now, I'm all for optimism and am really hoping it's Achon and there will be no major health issues but when does banking on optimism become reckless? Wouldn't it be smarter to already be at a hospital that is equipped to deal with those potential issues should they arise vs. having our little guy have to be transferred somewhere (and the two of us likely separated)?

The other thing we want to know from the doctors is if it would be safer to just schedule a c-section at this point. Again, since they really don't know what we're dealing with and if his head keeps growing it might be fruitless to try to push him through my pelvis and I'd just exhaust myself and likely do major damage to my ladybits just to have to be wheeled in for an emergency CS anyway... It just seems like a whole lot to go through if it's just going to have the same result in the end. (AND, if the docs are wrong and our son has OI trying to push him out vaginally could be really dangerous for him.)  I don't know. I really don't know anything.  I don't know what is best, I don't know how much the doctors actually know or are just saying they know, I don't know what is being smart and what is being overly-cautious...

But we really need answers to these questions NOW since I could go into labor at any time. We really can't pussyfoot around with this (yes, I said pussyfoot) because if my water breaks we need to know which direction to drive in and what to expect/what to tell the hospital!
::sigh::
Sometimes I think it would have been easier/better if we never even knew about his dwarfism until he was born. It's just making me crazy since we have no answers. BUT, if we decide to switch hospitals just to be safe and he really DOES end up needing serious help then it will all have been worth it.

Okay now I'm just rambling.  You can probably see that everything is just swirling around in my mind with no resolutions.  Luckily, the plan was for the docs to all speak to one another today and I should be hearing from one of them this evening on the consensus, or at least on their discussion and then maybe it's up to me and Hubs to make the decisions.  
One good thing (I guess) about this being so rare is that we are an "interesting case" to them so everyone's talking about us!

I've been doing lots of research on dwarfism and have joined facebook groups and made connections with other moms and gotten all kinds of info. THAT I am grateful for.  But this has definitely taken over my life. Reading about medical issues and all the different types of doctors he will need to see, and where the specialists are in the country, and what to expect, and what can go wrong... it's just a LOT. I wish I could close my eyes and wake up on the day after I give birth to a healthy little boy with Achon so that there's no more questioning, no more decisions to be made, no more waiting, no more worrying.  I just want him to be here in my arms now, and healthy.

Anyway, I'll end on a good note.  Yesterday during the BPP the tech offered us a 3D U/S.  It made my heart skip a beat as I considered whether or not to say yes because, as superficial as it sounds, I have been very worried about how our little guy looks. Now that we know he has dwarfism I know he will look different.  It sounds so stupid and I hate myself a little for even letting this enter my mind but even though he will be short - he will be a dwarf - I still really hope his face will be "normal".  That has been what has made me cry over the past week - the thought that he might be seen as ugly. It's one thing to have the added challenges your whole life due to being a little person but it is something else to be a little person who people see as funny looking or ugly or scary or something else negative.  Anyway, I said I was ending on a good note so here's the good part: We agreed to see the 3D U/S and it was such a relief.  He looks beautiful.  He looks like a perfectly normal chubby little newborn with big cheeks and my husband's nose and a sweet little chin...  Both Hubs and I broke down crying when we saw him. It was a good moment.

Here's a little wave from our little guy: Jack. We've named him Jack after his grandpa.
I cannot wait to meet him.

36 week check-in

36 weeks down and 3 weeks (at most) to go since they won't let me go past 39.

Wow do I feel different writing this week's check-in post...  I had intended to talk about my plight with finding good nursing bras and tanks (which, btw is a royal pain in the ass) and my ridiculous acid reflux that now has me "sleeping" in a chair much of the night.  But that seems rather unimportant now.

I don't really know what to say.  Both Hubs and I go back and forth feeling like this news of ours is huge and important and upsetting to feeling like: "What's the big deal? The signs are pointing to him being healthy and that is what is most important. He'll just be short!"  The latter is obviously the attitude we want to have all the time and I'm hoping we will once we 100% come to terms with the situation.  But we're also not naive to the fact that our son is going to face more challenges than he should have to. Things are going to be harder for him than they should be and he'll always be seen as "different". That is the part I hate.  That's not what we want for him. But we also know that we're going to have to find a way to never feel a sense of pity for him and to make sure others don't pity him either (or that he pities himself). We're going to have to make sure he always knows A) how much he is loved and B) that even though he may look different it doesn't mean he is "less than" or incapable of doing anything he wants to do in this life.

It's slightly daunting that we are going to have to somehow find a way to become Super Parents overnight. There's always room for little mistakes of course but when it comes to daily situations and questions and experiences every single thing will matter. Everything we say and do, every way we react, will affect his self-esteem and the way he sees his place in this world. We are always going to have to have the correct reaction in all situations.   We are always going to have to let negative comments and stares and children's innocent-yet-hurtful questions roll off our backs.  We are forever going to be in the role of "educator" to the rest of the world. 

But, this is the challenge we have been given. And I know we'll rise to it.  Not just because I have faith in Hubs and myself as people and as parents but also because I have faith in our relationship. It will be hard and it will be different than what we have always pictured but it will be okay. If there's anything I've learned over the past (almost) three years through infertility and loss it's that things don't always turn out how you think they will. I guess life is about adapting to the situation and finding a way to move forward in your new normal. I am not the same person I was 3 years ago (or even 1 year ago) and I won't be the same person a year from now either. But I guess that's life.

Hubs and I told almost everyone our news yesterday. And everyone has been amazing: Our families just listened, asked questions, and then reaffirmed that they're here for us and that this doesn't change a thing about the fact they love him and can't wait to meet him; our friends have rallied around us and offered support and love; our bosses/coworkers are giving us any and all flexibility needed... everyone has been great. This helps me with the attitude I'm trying to keep of: "What's the big deal?".

But there are things we'll have to change too in preparation for our son. For instance,  we learned that little people naturally have a bowing in their spine so baby items like swings and rock n' plays (and anything without solid back support) are not good for their bodies since the angle they sit at will exacerbate it and can lead to serious spinal issues.  We'll have to go this weekend and exchange certain items and find new toys and things that will be better suited for him.  And down the road it's possible we'll have to make BIG changes to better accommodate his condition. For instance: We have a lot of stairs in our house so we expect we may need to move to a ranch-style home once he starts walking; and we may need to move to be closer to specialists or particular schools; I may be a SAHM now when I may not have made that specific decision before...  All that will be figured out though. For now we are just trying to learn what we can and prepare before he makes his big appearance.

As for me, I'm doing okay physically, but I feel like I'm about to pop and it scares me. I really want to be able to hold on another 2 weeks to let his lungs further develop but I'm completely paranoid now that I'm going to go into labor any minute.  I'm so conscious of every single pain and cramp and ache and it bothers me that I feel SO anxious now.  I hope to hang on until April but I also hope my belly doesn't get any bigger. Methinks that is impossible.  Particularly because I have noticed that I have to eat substantially more lately. The last week+ I have been hungry almost all the time and if I don't eat every 2ish hours I feel really sick. The docs said he's still expected to grow about half a pound a week until I give birth so I suspect this is not going to go away and somehow my body is going to find a way to grow even more.  I wish I didn't know that I'm actually measuring at 41+ weeks.  I think that is stuck in my head now and it makes me feel like even more of an invalid than I already did.  I'm afraid to move at this point for fear of the pressure breaking my water.

Here's the pic I took on Tuesday morn just before the appt when I found out all this news:

I'm even larger now than this pic but am still holding steady at +17-18 lbs. Belly button still hasn't popped, hand swelling is out of control, and we can now add farting to the list!  Yay!

I have lots of appts coming up and it will be interesting to see how far I get before I go into labor.  For instance, will I even make it to the appt that's already been scheduled for March 30th or will I have my baby in my arms by then? I'm anxious and excited.  I just pray that when he is born he will be healthy. 

 ::Sigh::  If it's one thing we've gotten good at due to everything we've been through, it's figuring out how to wait - particularly when we don't know if we're going to be receiving good news or bad news.  
Fingers crossed.

35 / 35!

That's 35 weeks down, and just 35 days to go!!  I can't believe I'm here. ME.

I'm huge. I keep bumping into things now and it HURTS. I have a billion BH contractions a day.  I waddle now. I can barely turn over in bed. I can't do anything without pelvic pain. The countdown is on.  I want this baby to cook for as long as he needs to so that he's strong and healthy but I am hoping that magic time is only about 3 weeks away and not the full 40 weeks (or, gasp, MORE than 40 weeks!). I'm feeling ready.  As of today I have now been pregnant for 55 weeks without having a baby in my arms. Yeah... I'm ready.

Hubs and I have some smaller things still left to do: Putting together the swing and the rock n' play and the stroller...  This weekend we're going to install the infant car seat so we know what we're doing, I'm going to pack the hospital bag, and we're going to purchase some of the remaining items off our registry.
But all the big stuff is done.  Our house is officially ready for a baby. I even received my new, free Medela PISA breast pump in the mail the other day (thank you insurance)!

Bump pic:

I'm officially huge. Not "cute-huge", just huge.

Weight gain: 17.5 lbs

Symptoms: Pelvic pain is a way of life these days. Still puking some mornings due to MS. Heartburn, but it's manageable. Lots of swelling in hands and feet. I actually have a hard time gripping anything first thing in the morning because my fingers are so swollen I can't fully close my hands.  Just heaviness in general. Baby has dropped a bit so I'm able to breathe better but that means there's more pressure on my pelvis/colon/bladder/etc.  It could be worse though!

Cravings: Nothing.  The power of suggestion is pretty big for me but nothing really excites me these days and nothing really tastes all that good even when I eat whatever it is I wanted. That's okay though. My stomach is so squished that I can't eat much anyway so I mostly graze throughout the day.

Rings: HA!  I doubt my husband's wedding band would even fit on my finger at this point.

Belly button: Dangerously shallow! Now when I'm sitting the sides pop out a bit but it hasn't fully popped yet. I (normally) have a deep one too so I really didn't think I'd ever have an outie! We'll see!

Maternity clothes: I have grown out of many of the maternity clothes I was wearing throughout the pregnancy. Technically most of them still fit but they are tight and not soft enough so they don't have enough give and I'm uncomfortable in them. So I am now cycling through the same 3 maternity shirts plus tees stolen from Hubs (and of course my yoga/PJ pants). It's a good thing I'm working from home now. With only a handful of weeks to go I absolutely refuse to buy more stuff. Instead I'm now buying things like nursing tanks and bras (oh yeah, I also have zero normal bras that fit me right now) and am just dealing with looking like a scrub all the time.

Mood: Mostly good. I'm excited but also annoyed with waiting (and with being so uncomfortable during this wait).  And I haven't mentioned this on here yet but, as you know, it is March and March is the month we had to say goodbye to Petey.  Sometimes that's really hard for me.  I can't believe it's been a year. I still struggle with the guilt from being so excited for this little baby when Petey should have received all the excitement. I am dreading the 27th. Not only is it Petey's angelversary but also the day I will be officially full term (37 weeks) and I'm so afraid I'll go into labor on that day. It's really unlikely to happen but if it does I honestly don't know how I would handle that.

Best moment of the week: As of last Sunday the nursery is almost completely finished.  We have just a couple small things left to do this weekend but it's just about done. I love going in there and sitting in my recliner and daydreaming.  Over the past week I washed all the clothes and organized them and put them away, I have burp cloths and my boppy ready to go in the nursing area, I have diapers and wipes ready to go in the changing area... I have been busy.  But everything is ready now, just waiting for my little baby.

Bonus: Best moment of the week #2:  When Hubs decided on his own that we should get ready for bed a little early each night now so that he can rub my aching back and my legs so I don't get cramps in the middle of the night. He has seriously been awesome. I love him.  :-D

Busy, busy! 34 weeks!

34 weeks down, 6 to go (hopefully at MOST)!  Sometimes that feels like a lot, other times I freak out because technically it could be less than that and there is still a LOT to do.

We had baby showers this past week. Sunday was the big one with family and friends. It was good and low-key which I like.  Brunch foods, lots of presents, and no dumb games which made me happy. My sisters know me :-)  They also held it AT MY HOUSE which was pretty awesome because then I didn't have to pile all the loot in the car and then lug it up 2 flights of stairs once I got home!  Everyone just grabbed their own present and brought it up to the nursery before they left. Win! They also did all the dishes and cleaned up before leaving so I didn't have to lift a finger AND I ended up with all the leftovers. Best baby shower idea ever.  
My work shower was this past Wednesday and it was good too.  The theme was books and everyone brought their favorite kids book as a gift (either their own favorite from childhood or the favorite they read to their own children). So now our baby's library is fully stocked! I thought that was a great, easy idea.
So now we have a house full of baby stuff. It is like a baby tornado hit the joint. I have SO MUCH STUFF to put away.  Most of all: baby clothes. My sister gave me ALL of my niece's old baby clothes (they didn't find out the sex so most things are unisex which works out well), AND one of my girlfriends just had twin boys about 7 months ago and she gave me all of the stuff they've already outgrown! I am so so appreciative for all of this but holy crap it is just a lot of STUFF to organize, wash, fold, put away...  I'm a tad overwhelmed currently.

But the nursery is getting there!  We have most of the stuff we needed now and plan to shop for some of the remaining stuff this weekend. Our rocker/recliner has now come in so we'll be adding it to the nursery soon :-) We also ordered the one last piece of "furniture" (nightstand-type-thing to go next to the chair for breastfeeding stuff) and once that's in it will be pretty close to complete!  It will still be a bit before I post pictures though since the nursery has taken the full brunt of baby-tornado. I have a LOT of work to do...

Also this past week we had baby classes at the hospital.  Last night was Breastfeeding Success (which I don't feel was particularly helpful but did give me some more info), last weekend was Parenting your Newborn (it was fine if you like to play with dolls) and we also squeezed in the tour of Labor & Delivery last weekend so we know what to expect when the time comes. And can I just say - this hospital is AWESOME.  L&D is called the "Mom's Center" and the whole wing is just so relaxing and the staff we met are amazing. And the room. Holy crap. Correction: the SUITE!  Everyone gets their own suite with kitchenette, sitting area, Hubs gets his own pullout bed, there's a jacuzzi tub, big screen TV... the place is awesome. All meals are delivered in doubles so that Hubs eats too. And the best part of all - baby gets to room in with us as long as there are no major health issues that require him to be in the Special Care Nursery. The hospital is slightly earthy-crunchy but not overboard and they are HUGE on having immediate skin-to-skin and breastfeeding upon birth (even with C-section if at all possible). I'm thrilled. The staff will be able to do all the tests and checks while he is on my chest and they like to allow at LEAST 1 hour of skin-to-skin at that time with no interruptions expect for a nurse who will stay with us in case of any worries (and lactation consultant if I request one). 
Up until this class I really had not given too much thought to how I want my labor and birth experience to be. My "birth plan" is pretty much: labor until I can't take the pain, get an Epi, push the baby out. I'm hoping for a vaginal delivery without assistance but if there are complications then I plan to go with the dr/midwife/nurse's recommendations. And if I need a c-section, so be it.  Ultimately, my "plan" is just to have a live, healthy baby in whatever way that needs to happen. That's all I've wanted. But now after seeing the ideal, I reeeeaaaally hope everything will go well with the delivery with no major complications and that I'll be able to deliver and then have skin-to-skin time. I really want that and now I have been dreaming about that moment and cannot wait. I guess we'll just have to see how it turns out though.

Really nothing to update on the Pre-e front. I got my B/W and 24 hr urine collection results back and they were "normal" according to the doc.  Most numbers were on the high end of normal and some were slightly high (especially the protein in my urine) but I guess it's nothing to be majorly concerned about.  She just said to continue to try to "take it easy" and keep an eye on swelling and BP.  I gotta say, the 24 hr pee collection was a good time. I just loved having to play with my pee like 20 times a day after collecting it in a bedpan thingy that felt like a child's potty. Gross. I hope I don't have to do that again.

In related news, I freaked out a bit last week when I had such a big weight gain in one week but the doc must have been right about all the potential factors that led to it. I've been trying to eat less sodium this week and my weight actually dropped about 2 lbs so maybe it really was just extra water retention.  I'm now officially 16-17 lbs up which is still good for 34 weeks but just feels like a lot for me since I skipped from +11 to +17 lbs in no time at all.  Oh well.

Wow, I rambled a lot today.  I'll shut up now. Here's a parting comparison pic: 

33 weeks, 7 to go!

Wow.  7 to go (at most)...  Exciting and scary all at the same time :-)

Major events this week:

My weight ballooned.  I wrote last week that I figured I was due for a bit of a jump in weight gain since it had remained the same the past few weeks but this is a little ridiculous: 8 lbs. In one week.  Methinks that is not good since "rapid weight gain" is a sign of pre-e. I am definitely retaining water and my hands and feet are not so pretty these days but I don't have pitting or anything.  The protein level in my urine has remained the same over the last month (+3) and my blood pressure has slowly been rising and is officially into the high range now but it's nothing crazy yet so...I guess I'm good?
Luckily, my next OB appt is this coming Tuesday so I can ask the doc then if there's anything I should be worried about. I also asked my PAIF girls about their experiences with pre-e so I'm hoping I'll be able to get some more info and advice.

Yesterday I had the privilege of peeing myself while puking! It was pretty awesome.  AND Hubs was there to witness it because while I was hurling I started getting dizzy and seeing stars so I called him in to stay with me so that I wouldn't keel over and y'know, knock myself unconscious and choke on my own vomit or something. Instead, I peed myself. (My life is fun right now.)

Baby is moving less these days. Sometimes it freaks me out but logically I know it's just because there is less and less room in there for him to move.  I still feel him but not the way I did before. He's starting to get big and should be somewhere around 4.5 lbs! (Although the pregnancy app says 4.2 - 5.8 lbs. Yikes.)  I'm looking forward to having my belly measured during Tuesday's appt cuz, um, my belly is huge now:

Rolling over in bed is difficult. Putting on my socks/underwear/pants is difficult. Wiping myself after using the bathroom is difficult. (How do extremely obese people manage it?) And you don't even want to know how hairy I am below the waist these days. Poor hubby. (Not that there's been any sexy time going on around here... although I can't imagine why not since I spend my days waddling around the house in Hubs' over-sized shirts and the same 2 pairs of pajama pants while he watches me puke and pee at the same time.  I'm a babe!)

Nursery is mostly put together!! This past weekend Hubs and I did some serious work in there and I love it and am getting so excited :-)  I'll do an AW post soon with pics.

Also, my baby shower is this Sunday! I'm not supposed to know that but I'm glad I do so that I can mentally prepare.  I'm hoping we'll get a bunch of stuff from our registry so that I can get the nursery as complete as possible.  I also have my work shower on Wednesday (another thing I'm not supposed to know about). I am getting super uncomfortable these days but am still happy because this is really some of the best parts of pregnancy: showers, presents, nursery, washing and putting away little baby clothes... it's so exciting!

Finally, we have our baby classes starting this week. We decided to only do a few: Tomorrow is "Parenting your Newborn", Thursday is "Breastfeeding Success" and then next Saturday is the hospital tour of labor & delivery so we know where to go and what to expect. 

Things feel like they're moving quickly and slowly all at the same time!  Right now I am worried about pre-e so I'm closely monitoring those symptoms but besides that, things are good!


UPDATE (1pm Fri):  Based on the advice of some ladies who experienced pre-e, and reinforced by a caring reader, I did call my OB office earlier today to let them know about my symptoms. As it turns out they do want to get me in asap to be checked out so I'm going in later this afternoon. Hopefully it's nothing but better safe than sorry. I'll update the blog when I can - hopefully all is well.

32 week check-in

32 weeks down, 8 to go!

Not too much to report on this week, just moving along.  The weeks feel slow now.

Check out my low-rider:

Weight gain: +11 lbs (Stayed the same for the last couple weeks so I expect a jump next week as I am feeling huge these days) 

Size of baby: Last week was a pineapple, this week is a squash(?). Supposedly that equals somewhere in the vicinity of almost 4 lbs and 17 inches.

Symptoms:  I'm pretty sure baby boy is head down. The doc said he thought so at my last OB appt and I am getting some killer pelvic pain these days so it makes sense.  His little baby head is putting some serious pressure on my pelvis, hips, lower abdomen, legs, butt.  I think it's funny that if he is indeed in the "proper" position (head down, facing in) then when Hubs kisses my belly he's pretty much kissing the baby's butt. Hee.

I'm having all the old symptoms still (insomnia, constipation, heartburn, nausea, shortness of breath, BH, etc.) but a newer symptom lately is a pretty itchy belly. I'm moisturizing twice a day trying to keep it in check but it doesn't always work. I can feel the skin starting to stretch more and more, especially on my sides.

I am also exhausted by about 7:30pm every night.  It's not so much sleepiness as just exhaustion from hauling around my body all day long.  I'm so achy and sore by that time and my belly feels so heavy that I just can't get comfortable or relax. I kind of shift around positions on the couch, then walk around for a bit, then try the floor, then try to stretch, then try the recliner... it makes for long uncomfortable evenings where I just watch the clock until it's time for bed.  Luckily once I get to bed I usually sleep pretty well (minus pee breaks) until 3:30/4am.

Movement: He is a mover and a shaker! I can tell he's running out of space in there though because I rarely feel kicks or jabs anymore.  Now it's like he's trying to stretch so I'll feel pressure in multiple places at the same time (like a foot in my ribs and a fist on my bladder), and also rippling motions like he's trying to move around but can't. I'm guessing the alien belly will just get more prominent as the weeks go on.  He now has a pretty noticeable daily sleep/wake pattern too.

What I'm looking forward to: Major excitement in my world this week: The nursery is now painted and Hubs and I are putting it all together this weekend!! :-) I have really been looking forward to this.  I'll post some pics next week!  It still won't be done for a while since the glider/recliner is on backorder and there are quite a few things I registered for that may or may not be gifted to us at my shower (Mar 1st!) but I'm putting together what I have so far. Yay! I cannot WAIT for tomorrow!

31 weeks; 9 to go!

Ahhh! Single digit countdown!!!

31 weeks today and I can I just say HOLY BRAXTON HICKS.  I am having so many "practice" contractions every day it is not even funny.  To the point where I am actually timing them just because they seem so frequent sometimes. It's kinda freaking me out.

The other thing that's freaking me out is my gigantic alien belly.  I just sit on the couch now and watch my belly morph and ripple.  Hubs can see it from all the way across the room. It's kind of awesome in a sense but it is also slightly disturbing. The day I see an actual foot will be the day I stop watching.

Belly button is getting dangerously shallow and I'm officially up 11 lbs.  Here's the bump!

Aren't I pretty?  Also, different bathroom this week - very exciting.  (Really it's because I took this pic earlier in the week and I am way too tired to put on clothes today to take a new picture.  Plus the other bathroom is upstairs and that would just require too much effort on my part. Can you tell I'm tired now?)

So as you can see, I am officially big now. And apparently everyone else thinks so too because direct quote from a coworker this week who hasn't seen me in a little bit:  "Holy CRAP! You're HUUUUGE!"
Gee, thanks. That's my favorite reaction :-/

And speaking of work, it is fucking crazy and I cannot wait to go out on maternity leave.  However, good news is that I had a meeting with my boss earlier this week and she agreed to let me decide for myself when I want to come into the office now. I work from home part time as it is (since I live and work in different states) and it has just gotten so difficult to actually go in since it ends up being such a long day with the commute (particularly with the 8 billion feet of snow we've received in the Boston area in the last month).  So depending on how I can move meetings around, I may have already had my last FULL day in the office. Yay!

Lastly, check out the onesie I got off of Etsy.  LOVE!  Can't wait to put our little (still nameless) son in it! :-)

30 weeks!!!

Sooooo.... 30 weeks.  I am thrilled. I really truly am so happy and grateful to reach the 30s. It feels like such a milestone to me and I'm so happy we're now in the home stretch.

I cried today thinking about where we are now vs. a year-ish ago. I am so happy to be here. I am also sad.  I know I don't talk about it so much anymore but - I miss Petey. Every day. And I always will. We're coming up on 1 year since having to say goodbye (just about a month and a half to go - I've been dreading it) and I cannot BELIEVE it. It doesn't feel like it possibly could have been that long ago. It has been a fast year and simultaneously a very slow and hard year for me too. 

I know that doesn't make too much sense.
  
Sometimes things are still very raw for me though and will hit me out of the blue. For example, the other day I was wearing my Petey Nugget necklace that my wonderful IDOB and SAIF girls gave me (as I often do) but when I leaned into my hubby for a hug he thoughtfully fingered the necklace for a moment and I just burst into tears.  Petey is still such a part of our lives but we don't really acknowledge our loss verbally too often anymore. We've "moved on" with life.  We've learned to live without him and be "okay" with our reality but it is still very hard being a "mom" to a baby who is not here. And now I will be a mom to a baby who IS here. And I will experience everything with this baby that I was not allowed to experience with our first.  It is heartbreaking. But I am also grateful and excited.  It's such a convoluted mesh of emotions.

Regardless, I am thrilled to be at 30 weeks.  Next week starts my single digit week countdown and that is very exciting to me.

Weight gain: + 9-10 lbs

Rings: Completely off with no chance of coming back on until after I give birth

Sleep: Relatively decent!

Symptoms: NUMEROUS. I get grosser every day. Sausage fingers, cankles,  diarrhea and constipation (I never know which one I will be graced with during the day), hemorrhoids, gas, RLP, just generally uncomfortable/sore/achy with a very heavy and sometimes painful belly, Braxton Hicks contractions every day, trouble breathing, less and less range of motion (I now have to think seriously after dropping something about how important it is to actually bend over to pick it up or just leave it lying there)...

Also, my patience with other people is wearing thin. Zoe described it perfectly in that she is "way less tolerant of stupidity" lately. YES. And I feel like it's running rampant in my work-life right now. Ugh.  I am looking forward to going out on maternity leave!

Cravings: Nothing major.  I still love soup. I also love sweets. And chicken salad sandwiches have been pretty delicious lately (thanks Cici!).

Randoms: I had my routine OB appt earlier this week and all went well! I am measuring right at 30 weeks, baby's HB was great, my BP was great, AND I made them test my pee. Victory!  They actually did find protein in my urine but said it wasn't anything to worry about due to the level and the fact that I don't have any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia. (I am going to be vigilant about testing my own urine and BP at home though and keeping an eye on weight and swelling just in case.)  

Funny story - I also got my T-dap shot during this appt and as the nurse went to go prep the shot I told her I was going to run to the bathroom quickly.  I came back with a cup full of pee and just handed it to her. I told her that since I was going anyway I figured we might as well have her test it. She looked at me funny for a sec and then just shrugged and tested it. HA!  In your face! You WILL take my pee whether you want to or NOT!

Anywho, the appointment went well and the doctor said multiple times that everything is looking great and I'm doing great and he's really happy with how things are progressing.  He estimated that baby boy is currently just about 3 lbs (and should end up 7-8 lbs at full term)  and that based on external palpation appears to be head down and likely to stay there!! At this point, some Drs like to switch from meeting every 4 weeks to every 2 weeks but based on how I'm doing he said he feels confident in scheduling our next appt another 4 weeks from now. Yay.
 
Finally (wow, this post is long), my FIL is coming tomorrow to help Hubs put the crib together! We will now have a crib in the nursery :-)  We also have other nursery furniture sitting in the basement waiting to be brought up and put together once the painter and the carpet cleaners do their thing over the next couple weeks. And all the decorations tucked away in the closet are burning a hole in the back of my mind since I cannot WAIT to start decorating once all this maintenence-y stuff is done.  I just want my nursery done and my baby in it.

Single digit week countdown is just about here!!

3rd Trimester!

I have officially reached 3rd Tri!  I am so happy. This pregnancy is viable. We are actually going to have a baby. I am actually going to give birth and bring home a son and raise him.  I am actually going to be a mother to a baby who will BE IN MY ARMS. I am amazed.

It's hard to describe but until recently I really was not convinced that would ever happen. And now (barring anything going drastically wrong -- could the world POSSIBLY do that to me again?)  it's going to. Finally. By the time this little baby enters our lives it will have been 3 years of waiting and hoping and trying for this.  And I cannot WAIT.

The countdown is on.  Just 12 weeks to go  :-D

I have almost completed the registry.
I have started working on the nursery.
I am now feeling like I'm in my 3rd Trimester (aches & pains, etc. etc.)
My baby shower (MY baby shower!) is scheduled for March 1st. 
My weight is increasing approx 1 lb/week, I've grown out of the early maternity clothes I was previously wearing, I've grown out of most of my shoes, and oh yeah, the other day while examining my stretch-mark ridden belly I actually touched the back of my belly button. Ha! (And also: ick!)

I just love this little eggplant-sized baby growing inside me. I cannot wait to meet him. 

27 week check in!

Major things this week:

Heartburn: It is out of control.  I need to look into Pepcid or Zantac because EVERYTHING gives me heartburn these days - even plain water. I think I've been eating more Tums than food lately.

Weight gain: It's been fluctuating.  I've been relatively...puffy lately so I think I'm retaining water (edema). A couple days ago I was up 9 lbs total which isn't crazy for being 27w PG but it was a 3 lb weight gain in less than a week so it made me a little concerned. I made sure to drink lots of water and check my BP regularly and things seem to be fine I think. I also ordered protein urine test strips off of Amazon just in case. (Since rapid weight gain, edema, high BP and protein in the urine are all indicative of Pre-e.)

Tangent: Maybe I'm overly cautious but I got the test strips because my OB office NEVER feels the need to check my urine even though everything I have ever read says it should be part of every routine prenatal visit. I had it checked at my very first intake appt (~10weeks or so?) but it came back 'contaminated' so they couldn't use it. At the next appt I asked them if I needed to give a new sample and they said no. At the following appt I demanded to give them a sample and got an eye-roll from the nurse but that's how I found out I am positive for Group B Strep (kind of important to know). Ever since then, I have asked at every single appt if I should give a sample and they always say no because my BP has been fine. This is beginning to piss me off (no pun intended).  I asked all the girls in my PAIF group what they do and every single one of them gives a urine sample at every single appointment. Except me. Doesn't my OB care to know if there's protein in my urine? Or if I have a UTI with no symptoms? I am still undecided as to how much of a stink I should make about this...  In the meantime I'm testing my own damn urine.

Aaaaaanyway, my weight has gone down a bit and as of this morning I am +7 lbs total which seems more normal for me.

Here's the bump:

I am uncomfortable. I am finding that I groan a lot these days - especially when I'm trying to readjust my position on the couch or in bed. I can't help it. My hips and pelvis and back and abdomen are all just SORE.  And I can now feel the weight of my full heavy ute all the time so sometimes I find myself holding up my belly when I'm standing. Maybe it's time to look into a support belt.
I definitely think I look better than I feel. I'm getting annoyed with all these people at work looking at me and saying "Oh you must be feeling so good!". I don't. I feel like crap. Still happy to be pregnant, but no, I do not feel good.
The other day I was in an all-staff meeting and my boss asked me to give everyone an update on a project I'm leading. I started talking and just completely ran out of breath partway through the second sentence. I kept trying to talk which just led to gasping and squeaky noises.  I'm not sure if I imagined everyone looking around at each other in alarm or if it really happened, but I'm sure I must have sounded like a fish out of water (or like I was dying). Eventually I had to just stop mid-sentence and apologize for being "unable to breath while sitting" and then I hoisted myself up out of the chair and limped to the front of the room (since my right leg doesn't like to work for a minute once I stand up) in order to finish my piece, with what I am sure was a bright red face. (And even then I could barely get the rest of it out.)  I do not embarrass easily but that was really really embarrassing for me.  Ugh.

I fell this week. I slipped on black ice in the parking lot at work and now have some lovely bruises to show for it. Luckily I didn't fall directly on my belly - more like my knees and hip/side. I was mostly just banged up and shaken up and my ankle is still not normal, 4 days later.  I won't lie - I was freaked out for a little while and convinced myself that the baby was moving less than usual that night and the next day.  Everything is fine though and I now have a shiny new "medical parking permit" on my car so that I can park close to the building for the rest of my pregnancy instead of having to trek all the way across the parking lot in the snow/ice. Yay.

This weekend: 3-day weekend! I will be making a little bit of progress on the nursery and hopefully a LOT of progress on the registry :-)  We decided to register at both Babies R Us (since there's one close to pretty much everyone) and on Amazon.  I have a lot of research/work to do to feel ready for this but on Monday Hubs and I are going to bite the bullet and go to BRU to do the whole registry in-store.  After I get home I'll re-evaluate and then register for anything additional through Amazon.  I have had a LOT of people start asking where we're registered so I'm thinking there's a baby shower in my future...

One more week till 3rd trimester!! Hooray! And I read in my baby book last night that if something goes wrong this week and I have to deliver (God forbid) baby boy would have an 85% chance of survival!  I know I probably sound like a super negative person even thinking about that but it makes me feel better that I've gotten far enough along that even worst-case scenario is not so bad anymore! Yay :-)

 

I passed! (26 weeks)

I have a bunch of exciting updates today:

I passed the glucose test! Yahoo! No GD here!  I am actually shocked I passed and attribute it to being on Metformin. My result was 120 which is good. They want to see it under 140 (although some places say under 130). I am so relieved.  I remember eating a glazed donut last week (still my only true pregnancy craving) and savoring every morsel as I mentally prepared myself to say goodbye to them for the next few months. It was a sad day, haha.  But NOPE!  No GD so bring on the sugary goodness!
 
I had a prenatal appt earlier this week and everything went well. My BP was good, baby's HB was good, and my belly is measuring right at 26 weeks! I've also finally starting gaining weight appropriately and am now up 6 pounds. If I'm somehow magically able to maintain a 1 lb/week gain that would only be a total of about 20 lbs which would be amazing.  We'll see though. 
Here's this week's bump:

Pregnancy wise, I can no longer:

• see my feet (not to mention my lady bits),
• roll over in bed without grunting and huffing like a hippopotamus,
• wear socks without them leaving indents in my ankles (I use the term 'ankles' loosely), or
• wear my engagement ring.

And I think my hand is slowly eating my wedding band. For now it's okay but eventually I'm sure I will need to take it off and run the risk of looking like a teen mom.


NEXT:
We bought a crib last weekend! Ta da!:

It matches the dresser that we already had in the spare room which will stay in the nursery and double as a changing table.  I'm also excited because this is a convertible crib so it will grow with the baby - into a toddler bed, day bed (if we want it to) and then eventually to a full sized (double) bed.  This kid better like it.

It's amazing how much better I feel just getting that ONE thing done. I am feeling slightly less crazy.  Now if I could only get to the 40 million other things on my To Do list...

Last but not least, as of today I officially have just 99 days left until my EDD! Double digits!! Yahoo!  And as Ana pointed out, soon enough I will have just single digit WEEKS left! Ahhh!!  I'm now knocking on 3rd Tri's door.  I'm a bit sad I never did get that elusive 2nd Tri energy everyone talks about (especially since I'm STILL on Zofran daily for nausea - the doc thinks that at this point I'm just going to be one of those women who has nausea throughout the pregnancy) but that's okay. I'm just happy to be moving forward :-)

Viability!!

So....I'm exhausted!

I had family staying with us all this past week and finally got rid of them said goodbye to them yesterday.  I spent the rest of the day with my feet up, watching football, and willing my house to magically clean itself. Now, I am back to work already and am tired and completely overwhelmed with everything I have to do so what am I doing instead? Writing a blog post, of course!

Here's this week's bump!

I am feeling...large. Baby boy is the size of a canteloupe which seems big and heavy to me.  
I am having some troubles rolling over in bed these days and my pillow nest is just not doing it for me anymore so I'm sleeping like crap. My hips are killing me when I lay on my sides (which is the only way I can lay) so to try to alleviate that pain I sit in the recliner but when I do that, the weight of my stomach makes it hard to breathe so there are literally NO comfy positions for me right now. Baby also seems to be laying in a way that keeps cutting off circulation to my right leg so I'll get up and then have to catch myself as my leg gives out.  Isn't all of this a little early to be happening?  I hate to say it but I am sort of already in count-down mode 'til April.

Apparently this is a whiny check-in post today. Sorry.

I also kept getting annoyed with people at Christmas.  All the women wanted to talk about was breastfeeding and how it's best for the baby (yes, I know, I plan to do it) and how it's sooooo easy (ummm, based on what I know from other new moms it does not seem like it is ALWAYS easy for everyone - particularly for women like ME with PCOS so please stop putting that pressure on me), and bugging me about what we're going to name him (we don't KNOW yet so STFU!), and my sister kept poking at my belly and asked me to lift up my shirt in front of everyone so she could see my belly button (which is still an innie BTW so nothing to see here except my stretch marks)... Gah! Maybe I was just bitchy and tired (oh, and also the only sober one there) but I was just very annoyed the whole time. And then my aunt made a comment about how this is the "best year ever!!" since I'm 6 months pregnant and oh isn't everything so fucking wonderful. I had to REALLY bite my tongue to not go off on her about how this has actually been the WORST year of my life and though I'm very grateful to be PG, we SHOULD actually have a 4 month old with us right now. Grrrrrr.....

Aaaaanyway, I'm glad that lovely holiday is over.  
Sorry for all the bitching.

On the bright side, I am so so happy to say that I reached VIABILITY!!! That feels good :-)  
And I've started to gain weight now and have my next routine prenatal appt with MFM next Tues 1/6 (where I'll also be doing the 1 hr glucose screening).  FX for a good fundal measurement and no GD!!

Grapefruit!

23 weeks. My baby is the size of a grapefruit!

He can hear me now so I should probably stop swearing soon.  Also, he can hear the dog barking! I find that really endearing for some reason and it makes me less annoyed when the pup won't shut up.

ONE WEEK TILL VIABILITY!!!  Granted, "viability" means that if something happens and I have to deliver there's still only a 50/50 chance of survival so a lot of women don't put too much stock in V-Day but y'know what? I do.  After already losing one baby this is a BIG EFFING DEAL to me and I can't wait to reach that milestone. I feel like once I hit 24 weeks every subsequent week is going to feel like an accomplishment and bring me that much closer to bringing home a healthy baby :-)

Here's my 23 week bump!:

It seems to morph. Sometimes it's really full and rounded but this week is more pointy. Not to be gross (but I'm gonna) but I think it has to do with how recently I've pooped. Constipation is my middle name lately. Or, y'know, diarrhea.  Feast or famine around here folks!

I still am not gaining weight though.  ::Sigh:: Whatever. I am eating what I can so I don't know what else I can do. I suspect that soon enough I won't be able to slow the scale down (right?) so no use worrying about it anymore.  My next appt is on Jan 6 at just under 26 weeks so I assume they'll start measuring fundal height and all that. I guess I'll see then if things are on track or not. My belly FEELS big though!  I certainly can't lay on my back anymore because it's too uncomfortable and cuts off circulation, and when reclining or laying on my side my ute feels so big and firm and full to the touch soooo... we'll see.

Awesomeness of the week: I think I've finally figured out my headache situation!! It's been a tough couple of weeks with that but I do believe I've narrowed it down to vision changes from pregnancy!  I've started wearing my glasses now whenever I'm on the computer, my phone, driving or watching TV and it has really been helping.  Unfortunately for my work life, if I'm on the computer too much during the day I still end up getting a headache even with the glasses so this has increased the amount (and length) of breaks I'm taking. Oh well.  And I really do have to keep it in check because if I start forming a headache it's all over. There is nothing I can do to make it go away and then I'm useless and miserable all the rest of the day and night. I'm so so relieved though that I think I figured it out!  Aaaaaand that I don't think it's blood pressure or blood sugar related! Hooray! Bring on the Christmas cookies!

Annoyance of the week: Yesterday my FIL posted a comment on my facebook page about how "soon enough the dog will be sleeping under little Jack's crib and they'll be inseparable" and some other crap about my pregnancy.  Note that I have not made our pregnancy public on FB. (Oh, and we have not decided on the name Jack!  WTF?!) I could have killed him.  LUCKILY, I just happened to check FB a couple mins after he posted it, thank GOD, and I deleted it.  (It was pure dumb luck that I logged on at the end of the day before I left work though. Normally I don't and I would have gone to dinner and then driven home and it likely would have been up there for about 4 hrs. Ugh.)  I have no idea how many people saw it but only 2 "liked" it by the time I deleted it - one was a coworker who already knows I'm PG since she's not blind, and another was someone I went to high school with and never talk to. Sooo, hopefully no damage done.  But seriously?!!  SO clueless.  My blood pressure probably shot up 30 points when I saw that. Oy.

22 week check-in

How Far Along: 22 weeks (+ a few days)

Baby is the Size of a: Papaya (measuring about a foot long and somewhere around 1 pound during these couple weeks!)

Total Weight Gain: No change: 2.5 lbs

Showing Yet?: Yes and there are certain days (like the day I took this pic) that I feel HUGE.
 
Maternity Clothes?:  Oh yes. I had to order more this week too. And I am learning horizontal stripes do not appear to be my friend, haha!

Stretch Marks?: No new ones

Rings?: Tight. I only wear my engagement ring now when I'm going out and take it off as soon as I get home.  Wedding ring is a little looser so it's still okay but leaves a mark when I take it off. I really hope I'll be able to wear it through the pregnancy but it's not looking good.

Sleep: Hit or miss as usual.

Symptoms: Good news: nausea is lessening! I usually only need Zofran in the middle of the night now and sometimes in the mornings.  
Bad news: I have developed bad headaches. The end of this week was actually a little scary because I was worried the (rather debilitating) headaches were tied to high blood pressure. I ended up buying a BP Cuff to use at home but it was a piece of crap and kept giving me bad readings which was upping my anxiety which, in turn, was upping my BP.  I exchanged it for a much better one and my BP readings have now been normal, thank God. It has not been a fun few days though - Hubs was scared to death that something was majorly wrong and I was developing preeclampsia and we'd lose this baby too. It was a little rough around here. BUT, my BP seems to be good and I think I'm narrowing the headaches down to blood sugar fluctuations. I'm finding I get seriously localized pain shooting through the left side of my head (near/behind my eye) when I eat sugar and also get headaches if I don't eat often enough. Seems to be blood sugar issues to me.  I wonder if this is indicative of increased insulin resistance and/or gestational diabetes? Oy.  For now I am trying to eat very little sugar, making sure to eat regularly, and am continuing to monitor my BP and take it easy just in case.

Food Cravings: SUGAR (of course).  Glazed donuts are still my only real craving but I don't think I can eat them anymore. Sad face. 
Though I am REALLY looking forward to making chicken pot pie this week. Random! haha

Miss Anything?: Just feeling normal/healthy.

Mood: Still good! (When I don't have a massive headache that is)

Best Moment of the Week: I decided to move forward and start buying stuff to decorate the nursery! Here are some of the wall decorations I've ordered off of Etsy. I think they are so cute and am excited to have decided on a theme and colors :-)

I'm sticking with the elephants and giraffes theme with grey/white chevron patterns and decided the colors will be the baby blue and apple green. The walls are actually already this same color as the pic too so it will look similar.  I love it! I'm excited!!

I also ordered this plaque from Etsy as a little "present" for Hubs. It melts me a little bit :'-)

So sweet.

Upcoming Appointments: I have to do my glucose tolerance test sometime in the next few weeks. Should be interesting. Next OB appt though isn't scheduled until Jan 6th(!) due to the holidays.  I'll already be 25 1/2 weeks at that point. That's 6 weeks between appts. Yikes. I wonder if I should push to have it sooner...?

What I'm Looking Forward to: Christmas!  We throw a huge Christmas Eve party every year for both sides of the family plus friends where we do a Yankee Swap and everyone gets hammered and stays overnight, then we do stocking presents to each other and a big breakfast in the morning :-)  This year will be the last baby-free one! I love our tradition but I'm so glad next Christmas should be very different for us :-) I can't wait.