Friday, February 6, 2015

30 weeks!!!

Sooooo.... 30 weeks.  I am thrilled. I really truly am so happy and grateful to reach the 30s. It feels like such a milestone to me and I'm so happy we're now in the home stretch.

I cried today thinking about where we are now vs. a year-ish ago. I am so happy to be here. I am also sad.  I know I don't talk about it so much anymore but - I miss Petey. Every day. And I always will. We're coming up on 1 year since having to say goodbye (just about a month and a half to go - I've been dreading it) and I cannot BELIEVE it. It doesn't feel like it possibly could have been that long ago. It has been a fast year and simultaneously a very slow and hard year for me too. 

I know that doesn't make too much sense.
Sometimes things are still very raw for me though and will hit me out of the blue. For example, the other day I was wearing my Petey Nugget necklace that my wonderful IDOB and SAIF girls gave me (as I often do) but when I leaned into my hubby for a hug he thoughtfully fingered the necklace for a moment and I just burst into tears.  Petey is still such a part of our lives but we don't really acknowledge our loss verbally too often anymore. We've "moved on" with life.  We've learned to live without him and be "okay" with our reality but it is still very hard being a "mom" to a baby who is not here. And now I will be a mom to a baby who IS here. And I will experience everything with this baby that I was not allowed to experience with our first.  It is heartbreaking. But I am also grateful and excited.  It's such a convoluted mesh of emotions.

Regardless, I am thrilled to be at 30 weeks.  Next week starts my single digit week countdown and that is very exciting to me.

Weight gain: + 9-10 lbs

Rings: Completely off with no chance of coming back on until after I give birth

Sleep: Relatively decent!

Symptoms: NUMEROUS. I get grosser every day. Sausage fingers, cankles,  diarrhea and constipation (I never know which one I will be graced with during the day), hemorrhoids, gas, RLP, just generally uncomfortable/sore/achy with a very heavy and sometimes painful belly, Braxton Hicks contractions every day, trouble breathing, less and less range of motion (I now have to think seriously after dropping something about how important it is to actually bend over to pick it up or just leave it lying there)...

Also, my patience with other people is wearing thin. Zoe described it perfectly in that she is "way less tolerant of stupidity" lately. YES. And I feel like it's running rampant in my work-life right now. Ugh.  I am looking forward to going out on maternity leave!

Cravings: Nothing major.  I still love soup. I also love sweets. And chicken salad sandwiches have been pretty delicious lately (thanks Cici!).

Randoms: I had my routine OB appt earlier this week and all went well! I am measuring right at 30 weeks, baby's HB was great, my BP was great, AND I made them test my pee. Victory!  They actually did find protein in my urine but said it wasn't anything to worry about due to the level and the fact that I don't have any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia. (I am going to be vigilant about testing my own urine and BP at home though and keeping an eye on weight and swelling just in case.)  
Funny story - I also got my T-dap shot during this appt and as the nurse went to go prep the shot I told her I was going to run to the bathroom quickly.  I came back with a cup full of pee and just handed it to her. I told her that since I was going anyway I figured we might as well have her test it. She looked at me funny for a sec and then just shrugged and tested it. HA!  In your face! You WILL take my pee whether you want to or NOT!
Anywho, the appointment went well and the doctor said multiple times that everything is looking great and I'm doing great and he's really happy with how things are progressing.  He estimated that baby boy is currently just about 3 lbs (and should end up 7-8 lbs at full term)  and that based on external palpation appears to be head down and likely to stay there!! At this point, some Drs like to switch from meeting every 4 weeks to every 2 weeks but based on how I'm doing he said he feels confident in scheduling our next appt another 4 weeks from now. Yay.
Finally (wow, this post is long), my FIL is coming tomorrow to help Hubs put the crib together! We will now have a crib in the nursery :-)  We also have other nursery furniture sitting in the basement waiting to be brought up and put together once the painter and the carpet cleaners do their thing over the next couple weeks. And all the decorations tucked away in the closet are burning a hole in the back of my mind since I cannot WAIT to start decorating once all this maintenence-y stuff is done.  I just want my nursery done and my baby in it.

Single digit week countdown is just about here!!


  1. Wooohoo almost single digit weeks! What a great accomplishment! I am so sorry you are so conflicted with remembering Petey and enjoying being pregnant, I can't imagine how tough that must be to keep his memory alive but try to move on at the same time. You have been through so much mama!

    Love love how you just handed the nurse the pee! You go girl! Stay strong - push that pee! ha.

  2. Yay countdown!!! I'm so glad they finally tested your pee, way to go to make them do it!! Maybe your little guy can talk to mine about getting out of this breech position.....can he explain its more comfy head down? LOL

  3. Love the pee story - glad you are being your own advocate!!! You are getting so close - congrats on the single week countdown! I cannot wait to see how your nursery turns out. I bet you have yours done before I have mine done :)

  4. Yay for 30 weeks, so awesome!!! I'm
    Happy to hear you made them finally test your pee, and I love how you did it!! Sorry about the myriad of symptoms, you have my sympathies!

    I can't begin to imagine all of the emotions you must experience regularly. Petey is a very special part of your family, who will be loved and remembered always. And not only by you. I think about Petey often and keep you all in my heart and in my prayers. Lots of love to you all <3

  5. So glad that things are going well. And so happy with your approach to getting your pee tested!!! It's kind of hard to not test it when it's being handed right to you :)

  6. This post made me cry - tears of sadness & remembrance for Petey, and tears of joy for what is to come.

    And I am also so amused that I got you into chicken salad sandwiches! I seriously cannot get enough!! It's so good!!

  7. Yay! Congrats on 30 weeks. I know what you mean about time simultaneously going so fast but also slow.

  8. Yay for 30 weeks and almost being to a single digit countdown!!

    ((Hugs)) I can't imagine how hard it is to be coming up on the year mark of losing Petey. You and Petey are in my thoughts often, and I know you will never stop loving or remembering Petey. <3

  9. What about waffles?!?!?!! Hahaha!!

    I'm so sorry about all of those symptoms, yikes! You have so many sorries from me. :( Yay for getting your pee tested - I'm sure that's a relief off of you mind to know that things are ok, even if there are some proteins in your urine right now. Hopefully they stay at an acceptable level so you don't have to worry about pre-e. I CANNOT WAIT to see the nursery!!! C'mon guys, get that crib put together, momma's gotta nest!

    I feel like I can somewhat relate to missing Petey every single day. You "move on" in a sense, but you also don't. I know he will never be forgotten, and I don't think anyone reading this would ever expect you to forget him. He is always with you in your heart, and with every 'Rainbow' you see. <3 <3 <3

  10. So happy for you. I started following just before you got pregnant with Petey and it's so nice to see your journey taking such a happy turn! The symptoms suck.... :-( I kind of wish that if it takes you a while to get pregnant, then you should be able to skip all the unpleasantries of pregnancy!

    I'm sorry you're missing Petey, well sorry that you have to miss Petey rather than raise Petey. I believe that those we lose are with us everyday, and I hope you can find comfort in the fact that Petey is there with you, beside you, participating in your life every single day even if you can't hold him.

    Congrats on 30 weeks!

  11. I had to laugh about the range of motion thing! My husband keeps finding random things on our floor and asking why it's there and where it came from. I just shrug and tell him I dropped it. He seems to be catching on that actually *picking things back up* is a huge challenge. I'm 30 weeks too and we have NOTHING for the nursery. No crib or anything. So you're way ahead of me!

  12. Congratulations on 30 weeks and single digits! The last few weeks are hard but they'll be over before you know it.

  13. So glad to read things are going well. Hugs.

  14. I love that you're a pee pusher! Good for you!

    I am so happy that you are almost in your single digit week countdown, that is so exciting AND everything looked good at your appointment! Yay yay yay :)