I cried today thinking about where we are now vs. a year-ish ago. I am so happy to be here. I am also sad. I know I don't talk about it so much anymore but - I miss Petey. Every day. And I always will. We're coming up on 1 year since having to say goodbye (just about a month and a half to go - I've been dreading it) and I cannot BELIEVE it. It doesn't feel like it possibly could have been that long ago. It has been a fast year and simultaneously a very slow and hard year for me too.
I know that doesn't make too much sense.
Sometimes things are still very raw for me though and will hit me out of the blue. For example, the other day I was wearing my Petey Nugget necklace that my wonderful IDOB and SAIF girls gave me (as I often do) but when I leaned into my hubby for a hug he thoughtfully fingered the necklace for a moment and I just burst into tears. Petey is still such a part of our lives but we don't really acknowledge our loss verbally too often anymore. We've "moved on" with life. We've learned to live without him and be "okay" with our reality but it is still very hard being a "mom" to a baby who is not here. And now I will be a mom to a baby who IS here. And I will experience everything with this baby that I was not allowed to experience with our first. It is heartbreaking. But I am also grateful and excited. It's such a convoluted mesh of emotions.
Regardless, I am thrilled to be at 30 weeks. Next week starts my single digit week countdown and that is very exciting to me.
Weight gain: + 9-10 lbs
Rings: Completely off with no chance of coming back on until after I give birth
Sleep: Relatively decent!
Symptoms: NUMEROUS. I get grosser every day. Sausage fingers, cankles, diarrhea and constipation (I never know which one I will be graced with during the day), hemorrhoids, gas, RLP, just generally uncomfortable/sore/achy with a very heavy and sometimes painful belly, Braxton Hicks contractions every day, trouble breathing, less and less range of motion (I now have to think seriously after dropping something about how important it is to actually bend over to pick it up or just leave it lying there)...
Also, my patience with other people is wearing thin. Zoe described it perfectly in that she is "way less tolerant of stupidity" lately. YES. And I feel like it's running rampant in my work-life right now. Ugh. I am looking forward to going out on maternity leave!
Cravings: Nothing major. I still love soup. I also love sweets. And chicken salad sandwiches have been pretty delicious lately (thanks Cici!).
Randoms: I had my routine OB appt earlier this week and all went well! I am measuring right at 30 weeks, baby's HB was great, my BP was great, AND I made them test my pee. Victory! They actually did find protein in my urine but said it wasn't anything to worry about due to the level and the fact that I don't have any other symptoms of pre-eclampsia. (I am going to be vigilant about testing my own urine and BP at home though and keeping an eye on weight and swelling just in case.)
Funny story - I also got my T-dap shot during this appt and as the nurse went to go prep the shot I told her I was going to run to the bathroom quickly. I came back with a cup full of pee and just handed it to her. I told her that since I was going anyway I figured we might as well have her test it. She looked at me funny for a sec and then just shrugged and tested it. HA! In your face! You WILL take my pee whether you want to or NOT!Anywho, the appointment went well and the doctor said multiple times that everything is looking great and I'm doing great and he's really happy with how things are progressing. He estimated that baby boy is currently just about 3 lbs (and should end up 7-8 lbs at full term) and that based on external palpation appears to be head down and likely to stay there!! At this point, some Drs like to switch from meeting every 4 weeks to every 2 weeks but based on how I'm doing he said he feels confident in scheduling our next appt another 4 weeks from now. Yay.
Finally (wow, this post is long), my FIL is coming tomorrow to help Hubs put the crib together! We will now have a crib in the nursery :-) We also have other nursery furniture sitting in the basement waiting to be brought up and put together once the painter and the carpet cleaners do their thing over the next couple weeks. And all the decorations tucked away in the closet are burning a hole in the back of my mind since I cannot WAIT to start decorating once all this maintenence-y stuff is done. I just want my nursery done and my baby in it.
Single digit week countdown is just about here!!