Help through a loss (TFMR)

I've learned that there is precious little information out there about late-term loss and even less about the "category" I'm experiencing: TFMR; Termination for Medical Reasons.

If you're viewing this page it's likely that you are experiencing something similar and for that I am truly sorry.  I'm discovering that grieving the loss of a child in utero brings with it confusing feelings on how to navigate the grief: Am I grieving the loss of a child or am I grieving the loss of the dream of what that child could have/should have been?  Or is it both? I still have yet to figure that out but what I do know is that NO ONE should have to experience it. If you are also one of the unlucky ones, I am so very sorry and I hope you will find peace. 

Here are some websites I've come across that have been helpful to me:  
A fantastic resource for information on grieving and healing, and includes many articles written by women who also had to face this heartbreaking choice due to medical issues.
Real stories written by women who had to choose TFMR. 
A subset of a gigantic list of links to blogs written by women dealing with loss, infertility, pregnancy after infertility, and adoption.  The link here goes to the list of blogs within the "Loss Room". (Scroll to the bottom for the ones re: medical termination.)
Still Standing Magazine: Articles on surviving child loss and infertility.
Other women sharing their stories of loss.
A site for parents who have lost babies.  Check out the 'community blogroll' which includes a good collection of medical termination-related blogs.
Termination for Medical Reasons: In the Media.  Blogroll with many links to TFMR resources, internet support groups and published articles.
Support group for women who are facing or have suffered the heartbreaking decision to terminate a much wanted pregnancy due to medical problems with the baby.

If you want to read about my specific experience with TFMR, click here for some prior blog posts.

Here is a post I wrote when I found out a friend's baby died. It outlines a lot of the things I learned when going through our loss: Gone too soon


  1. Thank you. Thank you! My husband and I are going through this now; our little girl has presented with a very severe form of lethal Skeletal Dysplasia at 16 weeks and her little chest won't grow to accommodate her growing heart or provide for lungs; she will die in utero or at birth, without being able to take a breath. We have had to make the terrible decision to terminate as well, and in 6 days I will also have to say goodbye. I will be 18w4d.
    I sobbed reading your story as everything you wrote rings so true in my heart. Thank you again for sharing and I wish you and your beautiful family a wonderful journey ahead.

    1. I am so so sorry for what you and your husband are going through. My heart goes out to you. It's a very difficult road - one that you cannot understand unless you have been there - and I'm glad you found this blog. You are not alone. Thoughts, prayers, and strength to you and your husband and love to your little girl <3

  2. Bless your heart, what a hard road you have faced. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad your little boy is doing well! He's simply adorable!