Friday, November 28, 2014

20 Weeks & Final Reveals!

I am officially 20 weeks pregnant - Half-Baked.  One day more pregnant than I have ever been.  And I have to say: It feels good :-)

I am happy and weepy and so thankful for where we are.  And I am just over the moon that I am feeling our little baby move now!  I have been waiting a looooong time for that - 2.5 years since we started TTC including 40 full weeks of pregnancies and I'm finally experiencing it. And it is amazing.  I love the reminders that my little guy is in there and is growing and is HEALTHY. I feel like he's saying hi to me every time I feel him move!  I just feel so grateful.

We revealed the pregnancy to all our family yesterday!  Hubs' parents are separated and both remarried so we had 2 sets of families to hit up (almost all of my family knows now due to my FL trip last week).

First we went to my FIL's and I didn't even get my coat off all the way before he said "Oh my God, I knew it - you're pregnant!!" Haha!  We don't see them very often and Hubs called out of the blue to ask if we could swing by to say happy Thanksgiving before going over to my MIL's which is not what we normally do so it seems we made them suspicious :-)  FIL and stepmom were so happy for us and couldn't hide the fact that they were thrilled it was a boy since he will carry on the family name. Hubs has 2 younger brothers in their early-mid twenties on that side and after FIL relayed the news to them yesterday they posted on Facebook about how excited they are that they'll be uncles to a baby boy in April!  I think that is very cute that they are excited enough to post about it :-)

Then we went to my MIL's and pulled the same routine we had with my parents:  I walked into the living room full of people with my coat still on and gave everyone hugs and hellos. Then Hubs addressed his mom and said "I hope you don't mind that we brought someone else with us" and I took off my coat. Everyone's jaws just dropped, hahaha!  My MIL just kept repeating "Oh my God, Oh my God, is this for real? Are you serious?" while starting to cry. And then: "Holy crap, how far along ARE you?!"  When I said "5 months! Halfway through"  I just heard a chorus of "Oh my God" and "No way" all around me. LOL!  I looked around and pretty much everyone was just staring at us in shock. It was hilarious.  They eventually got their acts together and there were hugs and congratulations and excitement all around. They were all just so so happy for us and were floored when we told them that it was without IF treatments this time.  One of my SILs wasn't there at that point and she came in a little while later after the excitement had died down. She was a flurry of activity when she arrived, giving hugs (to me and everyone) and bustling around with appetizers and wine opening while everyone just stared at her waiting for her to notice my belly. Eventually she realized everyone was being weird and my MIL said "uhhh...notice anything different?" while motioning to me and she looked at me then and dropped the box of crackers she was holding all over the floor while shrieking and running over to me with tears pouring down her face. It was adorable and made me cry too. She is just the sweetest and was really there for us when we lost Petey so she knows how amazing this is for us and was absolutely overjoyed.

We also revealed to them that it's a boy with the same present we had given my parents (a picture frame that read "Tiny Miracle" with an ultrasound pic and our baby sporting a blue bow tie. Everyone was so happy and then spent the rest of day coming up with the most ridiculous names for our child, haha! I think the current frontrunner is Sherman because they got a kick out of calling the baby Shermy.  LOL!!! Oh man, I hope that dies down soon. My BIL patted my belly on our way out and said "Bye little Shermy!"  Hahahaha!

All in all it was very fun and exciting and I'm feeling so good about this pregnancy. I even bought my baby's first clothes today with some awesome Black Friday deals :-)

Also I just have to say thatThanksgiving dinner was DELICIOUS. I am so glad I am reaching the point in this pregnancy where food is yummy because I enjoyed every single smackerel yesterday :-)  Lucky for me it's lunchtime now so: time for leftovers!!

Thursday, November 27, 2014

1 Year Ago / 8 Mos Ago / Today

1 year ago: Drove down to Boston in the early morning. Sick as a dog due to OHSS. Scared and nervous and excited for our 5 day transfer.
8 months ago/On this exact day during my last pregnancy (19w6d): Drove down to Boston in the early morning.  Sick to my stomach with grief and fear and sadness as I steeled myself for surgery.
Today: Drove down to Boston in the late morning.  Sick to my stomach with morning sickness.  Excited and happy to reveal the wonderful news of our rainbow pregnancy to our family.

1 year ago: Shared with those closest to us that we were able to transfer one beautiful blastocyst and asked for prayers and positive vibes that the IVF would work.
8 mos ago: Shared with those closest to us that we had to say goodbye to our much loved and wanted baby and asked them to help care for us physically and emotionally while we were so broken.
Today: Shared with those closest to us that we are 5 months pregnant with our sweet rainbow and celebrated in their excitement and happiness and love.

1 year ago: Thankful and happy that at long last I was finally PUPO.
8 mos ago: Thankful and relieved that I never felt any movement from Petey by the time we had to say goodbye.
Today: Thankful and elated that I finally felt my healthy baby boy move inside me for the very first time :'-)

It's been a tough road. But I am thankful for where we are now and I pray that in April we will be welcoming our new baby boy into our lives. <3

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Thursday: The last milestone

Thursday is Thanksgiving.

On Thursday we will be spending time with family, giving thanks, eating deliciousness, and celebrating my little miracle rainbow with a lot of excited people.

But Thursday is also the 27th of the month. I hate the 27th.  It will be exactly 8 months since we said goodbye to Petey.

Thursday is also the 27th of November: Exactly one year to the day that we got pregnant with Petey. The day I finally became PUPO. A day of hope. The day that started a chain of events that led to an unbelievably difficult year for me: A year of extreme happiness and extreme sadness.  A year that has changed me forever.

Last but not least, on Thursday I will be 19weeks 6days pregnant: The exact day when my last pregnancy ended. The day we had to say goodbye to Petey.  The hardest day I have ever had to endure. 

How will I feel on Thursday?

I want to be able to celebrate.  Our family is going to be overjoyed with our news. I want to be able to enjoy that and to feel the excitement. But I also want to honor what this day means for Petey and for us. I don't know how to do both.

This will be our last milestone. By Friday it will be over.  On Friday I will be 20 weeks pregnant: Half baked.  One day more pregnant than I have ever been.  On Friday the comparisons with this pregnancy to Petey's pregnancy will stop because I will have nothing else to compare. I will be entering uncharted territory.

I think I'm a little afraid to let go and move on. Now that there will be no way to compare, does this mean I will just need to simply trust? I'm always afraid now to trust that things will be okay (though I am constantly working on that), and don't know how to feel about this new blank slate that's about to be stretched out in front of me. This blank slate should signify hope and excitement and anticipation for the future. But it's not truly blank because fear encroaches on the edges.  My therapist (Amy) calls FEAR: False Experiences Appearing Real. And she's right.  I had a very bad experience with Petey's pregnancy. But everything I now fear with this pregnancy is false. None of it has happened, and none of it is likely to happen. I need to stop focusing on my fear.

During my last therapy appointment, Amy gave me a pair of little plastic children's binoculars and told me to look through them and focus on something in the room. I chose a funny little toy animal on the windowsill and described to her every tiny magnified detail that I could see: the silly feet and googly eyes and orange afro and polka dots. Then I described everything else I could see through the binoculars: The plant that was sitting next to the toy and part of the book that was propped up behind it and the top of the pillow resting against the sill.  She then told me to turn the binoculars around and look again - to change my perspective.  This time the little toy was still there. I could still see each detail if I looked closely but it was further away. And it was placed amongst a greater context of items. This time I could see the whole windowsill, with the sun streaming in and all of the plants and all of the books and the fishbowl and the ottoman in front of the sill holding the 2 smooshy pillows.  I couldn't see any of that before when I was so focused on that one little toy. That one detail. That pain and fear.  Changing my perspective and placing the pain of my loss and my fear with this pregnancy in a greater context doesn't mean that it's not still there or that I'm not still affected by it but it allows me to not amplify it quite so much. It allows me to enjoy other things in my life instead of only focusing on the sadness.

I think on Thursday I need to grant myself permission to be happy. To enjoy where we now find ourselves and to truly celebrate our good news. It doesn't mean the pain isn't still there but it would mean that I'm not allowing myself to let that pain overtake something else that is also important, and is positive, and is exciting.

I love my Petey and I miss him every single day. But I am also happy and I love this little baby boy I am carrying. I am going to try to allow myself to celebrate and be THANKFUL for that on Thursday. 

Monday, November 24, 2014

Anatomy Scan 2.0!

Today's scan went well! As you may know, we had an early anatomy scan during week 17 but at that point the doc wasn't able to see everything in the heart so today we had Part 2 to confirm everything was good there. And it is :-) Baby boy's heart looks perfect, the choroid plexus cysts in his brain are disappearing, and he's measuring right on schedule!  Yay! 
Unfortunately, we did confirm today that our baby only has 1 kidney. But in the broad scheme of things, that is totally fine. Plenty of people live normal lives with only 1 kidney - maybe our son will just play golf instead of football.  The good news is that the one kidney looks to be strong. I am just so so RELIEVED.

Today is the first day I actually thought to myself (and then said out loud): Holy crap - WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY.  

We are going to have a baby. A little boy.  A little healthy baby boy.  And we're going to get to bring him home. And we're finally going to be a family :'-)  

It's hard for me to feel confident in saying and thinking these things but overall I am just so happy. I'm finally feeling good and positive and hopeful and happy and excited.  I'm finally focusing on my rainbow now and not just on my loss and sadness. I am so thankful.

Today's the first time I got to see 3D ultrasound pics.  Baby boy had his hand/arm up in front of his face almost the whole time so this is the best they could do but I love it. Seeing him this way makes it feel more real. He's no longer just an outline, he's a baby.  OUR baby. And I am so in love with him.  He has Hubs' nose. I cannot wait to kiss it.

Also, I realized it's been a couple weeks since I posted a bump pic, so here ya go (from a few days ago):

As you can see I definitely popped over the last few weeks.  No doubt anymore that I am pregnant. So this past weekend I decided to just go with it and took myself on a little maternity clothes shopping spree :-)  This is the first time I've actually worn maternity shirts and people are right: they make the bump look much cuter! I'm so happy to now have clothes that both fit and are comfy!

Happy Thanksgiving on Thursday to all my fellow American friends!  I plan to wear my roomiest maternity pants so I can EAT ALL THE THINGS!!!   We will be revealing the pregnancy to all my in-laws this day too so it should be exciting :-)

Besides that, Thursday will also be 19 weeks 6 days for me which is the exact day we said goodbye to Petey back in March :-(  I'm glad I'll have Thanksgiving to help distract me from that milestone.  It is the last milestone.  I'm ready for it.

And last but CERTAINLY not least:  My wonderful friend Cici, who has supported me and SO many others through IF, found out today SHE IS PREGNANT.  I cannot even generate cohesive words to express how unbelievably HAPPY this makes me. Just happy tears leaking out all day today... Cici - I love you!!! Congratulations my dear. No one could deserve this more.  :'-)  <3

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Florida, Reveals, and Therapy (19 wks)

Hi! I'm now into my 19th week and have a lot to update on! (Warning: Long one)

First, physically I am doing okay. I think I'm finally starting to get a little of the 2nd Tri energy I've heard so much about so that's pretty awesome. I still have the constant nausea though so I'm still on Zofran daily. Thankfully it works most of the time but then there are times like the other night when I ended up puking on the bathroom floor because I couldn't get out of bed and to the toilet quickly enough. Ugh.  

I also had my first awful calf cramp in the middle of the night earlier this week. THAT was a treat.  I shot up straight in bed out of a dead sleep like I had been tasered. My leg was hard as a rock and hurt SO F-ING BADLY.  I had no idea what to do - I couldn't really reach it very well to massage it and half the time massaging seemed to help and the other half it made it worse so I just sort of writhed around in pain attempting to relax the muscle and not die.  The pain started to subside so I thought it was over but a few seconds later it came back with a vengeance and I couldn't help screaming and gasping in pain. I scared the shit out of Hubs who likely thought I was in early labor and he jumped out of bed and sort of ran around the room in the dark in confusion, haha. I tried it tell him it was just my leg but I couldn't really get the words out since I was gasping and flopping around like a psycho with my face mushed into the blankets. It was quite the scene at 4am I tell you.  He came around to my side and massaged it for me and tried to get me to stretch and flex... it took a very long time to get it back to the point where I felt it might be okay to try to go back to bed again but it stayed uncomfortable and tight the rest of the night and I could tell it was on the verge of spasming again. That was Wed night. It's now Saturday and my leg STILL hurts. Crazy. I am drinking water and milk and eating bananas like there's no tomorrow (apparently hydration, calcium & potassium can help) in the hopes that that doesn't happen again.

In other news, still no movement felt yet.  I really hope to feel something soon! I know baby will be even harder for me to feel since I have an anterior placenta but I'm getting a little antsy. I like when I can differentiate things between this pregnancy and the last pregnancy because it reminds me that just because bad things happened last time it doesn't mean they will this time, but at this point with Petey I still couldn't feel him either. FX it happens soon.

Also, I'm officially gaining weight now! I'm up 2 pounds and am strangely proud of myself. Remind me of this when I am over 200 again and want to cry.

Second, I went to Florida earlier this week!  I'm so glad I did.  I got to reveal the pregnancy to my parents (and 2 sets of aunts and uncles who live down there too) and it was really fun.

(I also finally got to see a beautiful gulf coast sunset for the first time which I was hoping to do :-) 


~~~STORYTIME~~~ (sorry if you're on SAIF and have already heard this)

So when we landed my dad and uncle picked us (me, my sister, and baby boy!) up from the airport and I got big hugs and funny looks immediately. I could see them both glance down at my belly but pretend they hadn't. While they asked about our flights and joked about the fact that we were dressed for 20 degree Boston weather not 80 degree Florida weather and loaded luggage into the car I was mean and didn't say anything about the obvious elephant in the room. Finally I let them off the hook just before we climbed in the car and said: "So. Notice anything different about me?" while I motioned to my belly.  A huge look of relief came over both their faces and my dad said: "Yeah! You swallowed a basketball!" Hahaha!  We all hugged and my uncle shook my dad's hand saying "Congratulations Grampa!" It was pretty cute. Dad was all questions on the way back to the house about how everything's been going, how far along I am, when I'm due, etc. It was obvious he was really happy.
As we pulled up to the house and got out of the car my mom and aunt were coming down the driveway to greet us with big smiles.  I was holding a bag over my belly and as they got closer I said: "I hope you don't mind that I brought someone else with us".  A look of confusion crossed their faces and then I took the bag away and they FREAKED OUT.  They both screamed and started skipping/running/bouncing down the rest of the driveway to come swarm us with hugs. They were both bawling and laughing and just so so excited and happy. Once they ran out of people to hug they just started hugging each other and jumping around and crying and shrieking. It was hilarious. I SO wish I had gotten it on video!  They were just so happy and it was a really good feeling and now a really good memory.  
Later, I gave them this present (wrapped in both pink and blue) to let them know that they'll be having a little grandson :-)

It was really nice to be able to tell them in person. We'll be telling my in-laws later this week on Thanksgiving too. I'm not sure yet how we'll reveal that it's a boy. I did buy another one of these picture frames in case I want to do the same thing but now I'm wondering if maybe I should bake a blue cake or something. I'm still undecided but I'm sure whatever we do will be exciting.  My parents already have other grandchildren but this will be my in-laws' first grandbaby so I expect lots of tears and happiness.

Next: I've been going to therapy appointments for the last couple weeks and haven't had a chance to write about them yet. I think they are really helping.  I like this therapist. She isn't one to just sit and listen to me talk, instead it's like more of a conversation. And she asks helpful probing questions that make me think and also gives me homework every week which I like!  Last week's homework was to let myself feel some excitement around this pregnancy and to start to share it with others. When I went in for my appt this week and told her I actually ended up flying to Florida and revealed to my parents she was kind of dumbfounded and joked about me going for extra credit. LOL!  The timing just happened to work out to spontaneously make the trip though and it definitely helped me start to feel excitement about this baby.  Now that I'm finally reaching my milestones (anatomy scans and 20 weeks PG this coming week) I really am starting to focus more on this pregnancy and less on my loss.  It is a good feeling.  My homework this week is to work on imagining positive future outcomes: start to picture a healthy rest of the pregnancy, a positive labor and delivery of a healthy baby, and how life will be for us when this little baby comes home. (I still have to fight myself not to say "IF this little baby comes home with us" so obviously this area is something I need to work on.)  I'm very happy to have found this therapist though since we click well and she specializes in maternal/prenatal areas. I think it has already helped and I plan to keep going every week for the foreseeable future.

Okay this is crazy long so,
Lastly, I have my anatomy scan 2.0 on Monday morning! They will recheck everything and should be able to confirm if everything is good with baby boy's heart.  We will also find out for sure if he only has one kidney.  I am hoping for the best with everything and, though I have a little bit of anxiety, I can honestly say I'm feeling pretty good. I'm happy this will be one more milestone to overcome and I'm feeling pretty positive.

(Also - major hugs and love to my girl RunCC who will be finding out on Monday if her beautiful embabies stuck!! Hoping and praying SO HARD for you, love!!)

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Update post (weeks 17 & 18)

Ok so I started writing a check-in post last week but must have gotten distracted because I never posted it.  Whoops. And I am now 18 weeks! So here's a super long double post.

I am happy to be 18 weeks along. But it's also a tough number for me to see because it was during our 18th week with Petey that we found out s/he wouldn't make it. 18 is not a number filled with happy feelings for me. BUT, I am trying to turn my thinking around and focus on the fact that this is NOT the same pregnancy and 18 weeks this time does not mean the same thing that 18 weeks last time meant. 

Since my last post I've gotten some wonderful ladies checking in on me to make sure I'm doing okay with the knowledge that this baby is a boy since I previously said that I expected I'd have a problem mentally/emotionally if that was the case (since it would make me question what I've felt about Petey all this time).  Well, it was/is a little tough every now and then but overall it's okay.  As the weeks tick on I find I'm starting to be able to further separate my pregnancy with this baby from my pregnancy with Petey in my mind. (That's something I'm consciously working on.) And Kate's previous comment really helped put my mind more at ease when she said that her two pregnancies have been extremely different even though her babies are both boys so that makes me feel like it's still possible that Petey was a boy as I've felt in my heart.

Here's the bump pic I took last week after we learned we have what looks to be a healthy baby boy:

Now at 18 weeks I'm still about a pound under my starting weight and depending on what I wear sometimes I look pregnant and other times I just look like I ate too many donuts.

Speaking of donuts, I met with the nutritionist last week to talk about how poor my diet is right now since I have aversions to pretty much everything except simple carbs.  It was a good appt and she completely empathized with my weirdo eating due to almost constant nausea (and the puking has decided to stage a comeback in the last week or so too, yippee)  but didn't seem concerned about it. Surprisingly, she was more interested in talking about my lack of weight gain.  I don't want to say she seemed worried but she did say that while right now it's not an issue yet, at this stage they'd like to see me start to gain. She also made a point to say they do NOT want to see me losing weight, and she gave me some tips for ways to add items with higher calories and more protein into my diet so that's helpful.  I have to say, after dealing with weight issues my whole life it is definitely a new thing to be failing at trying to gain weight. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone.

I am wondering if the concern about weight gain has anything to do with a piece of info we got during last week's anatomy scan?  We found out that I still have an anterior placenta (which is fine, it just makes it harder to feel baby's movements - still waiting!) and that the placenta has a post Succenturiate lobe. What that means is that there's the regular placenta and then also a second additional part (lobe) connected to the main placenta via blood vessels and attached to different part of the uterus. (Here's the official definition: Clicky!) Apparently having an additional lobe (or a bi-lobal placenta) can sometimes result in poor growth for the baby so that's something to watch for. (It also means the OB will  likely have to manually remove all of the placenta after I give birth to avoid hemorrhaging.  Yeah, I'll avoid thinking about that for right now.) At this point though, the baby is still measuring on track growth-wise so the perinatologist said not to worry. It would probably help ease my mind a bit if I could start gaining some weight soon though.

I'm trying not to think about the fact that my placenta is abnormal.  Apparently this happens in less than 3% of pregnancies.  I also have a 2 vessel cord which is abnormal too. Petey had a 2 vessel cord as well.  Neither of these things are particularly troublesome according to doctors (except that some studies have shown a correlation between 2 vessel cords and renal problems which I had with Petey and may also have with this baby) but I'm just sick of being classified into the "abnormal" categories.  I hate that when a possible issue arises and people say "oh don't worry about that, it's really rare" it seems like it always happens to me and I find myself on the wrong end of the statistics. At this point I just assume I will get gestational diabetes. And that I'll end up on bedrest. And that I'll get preeclampsia and have to deliver early... I just assume that the bad things that happen in some pregnancies will inevitably happen in mine. I guess it's because that has been much of my experience.  Hopefully this is as far as it goes though, and moving forward this pregnancy will join the ranks of the "normal" pregnancies and I won't have to be "special" anymore. I just want to be normal.

Ok, this post is awfully long and rambly so I think I'll end here.  I did have my first therapy appointment earlier this week (which went well!) but I think I'll save that for another post.

PS: My sister and I decided randomly last night that we're going to fly to Florida on Sunday to visit my parents for a few days. I think we both need a mini-break and a chance to soak in some gulf-coast sunsets. BUT, this means that the cat will officially be out of the bag!  They still don't even know I'm pregnant so it should be quite the shock when they pick us up from the airport! I hope I'm ready for this!


Thursday, November 6, 2014

RELIEF!!! (Anatomy scan results)

Holy lord was that difficult. This past month waiting for today's anatomy scan has been my own personal kind of hell. I cannot tell you how happy I am that it is finally over. And man oh man do I appreciate aaaallll the support from you wonderful ladies here and on PAIF and SAIF and TB - I really don't know what I would do without you all. I SO appreciate all the comments and the love and positive thoughts!!! <3 <3

So now, I am THRILLED to say that I have good news to report!!

Our rainbow appears to be healthy.   Pheeeewwwwwww.

::I am taking deep calming breaths as I type this, letting more and more of the anxiety go and more and more of the relief seep in::

They were able to confidently rule out any kind of neural tube defect or paralysis. No markers for Downs' Syndrome.  Only one marker for Trisomy 18 (they found choroid plexus cysts in the brain which, in recent years have been proven to not be reliable as a marker anyway so the perinatologist said do NOT worry and do NOT google.  I will not.) Besides that the brain looks good, no hydrocephalus, all parts of the brain are there(!), all parts of the body were moving(!), and overall our baby appeared healthy and measuring a couple days ahead!!

It was still too early to see everything in the heart so the dr is not making a judgment call on that yet. The heart was beating though and there were the proper number of chambers so during A/S 2.0 (in 2.5 weeks on Monday Nov 24th) they will be able to tell for sure if all is good with the heart.

The one not so great piece of news today was that it looks like our baby may only have one kidney.  Petey only had one kidney too but while his was barely functioning this one is strong.  Lots of people only have one and it's certainly not life-threatening so if that is the case, that is totally fine.  (My perspective on what is worrisome is sooooo different now.) Doc said it was possible it is just a little too early so that's why we couldn't find it but he wasn't too optimistic. There didn't look to be blood flow to the left side where there should have been. On Nov 24th we will know for sure.  Hopefully it will be there but in the broad scheme of things this is very miniscule.

I am SO. F-ING. RELIEVED I don't even have the words to express it.


We found out the sex!  :-D 

(Warning: Total fetal porn below)

So much for 'mother's intuition'! 

BAM!  Hello little willy! Baby boy was not at ALL shy.  I was shocked it was so easy to see and, quite honestly, slightly taken aback that it's so visible so early. Yikes! haha! Hubs, on the other hand, is one proud papa, LOL!

I can't believe we're having a little boy. A little healthy baby boy!!! I am so so HAPPY I can't stop the tears from leaking out.  Hubs and I just looked at each other and cried and smiled and cried some more when we found out. So many happy tears and just... amazement.  

This little guy certainly put us through the wringer today though.  He was moving during the U/S but refused to turn off of his back or change positions.  The U/S Tech had to dig around in my stomach for a LONG time, had me lay on my side, drink water, walk around, go pee... nothing worked.  Talk about flashbacks to previous scans when Petey wouldn't cooperate.  It was not a pleasant experience.  Finally I suggested trying a transvaginal U/S and I'm glad I did because although she didn't glean too much additional info from the T/V part, when we tried the regular U/S one last time he had flipped upside down so she was able to see the full (closed!) spine and the (lack of 2) kidneys.  It was a long appointment - almost 2 hours in total since we met with the perinatologist for results directly afterwards.  I am just so so happy though.  The relief feels like soothing waves enveloping my body and just washing over me.

I am just so THANKFUL.


(Looks like I have some store returns to make.... what a dope :-D )


Monday, November 3, 2014

3 days to go

I just got my appointment reminder from MFM that my anatomy scan is this Thursday.

Oh yes, I am aware. Believe me, noooooo reminder necessary.


3 days to go....