Thursday, January 31, 2013

Depression from PCOS?

I am a MESS when not taking birth control pills. Seriously, I am having issues when left to my own devices since my body seems incapable of regulating hormones by itself. While laying in bed last night not sleeping (again), I came to the conclusion that I'm pretty sure I am fighting depression. I don't think it's full-blown depression but something definitely is not quite right. I kept telling myself that it's just that I've been slightly obsessed with TTC and was focusing on that so much that it's trumped everything else, but it's more than that. It's like I'm beginning to not really feel like a whole person much anymore and I just sort of float around in a dull haze with no preferences for anything. I'm not sad and crying or anything but haven't exactly been happy either. I just feel sort of numb. For the last month-ish especially, the days have sort of all meshed together into one insignificant lump but I don't care. Perhaps this is the real reason I have been a shitty worker lately.

Today at work while entering into a conversation with someone, I realized I was actually giving myself a pep talk that went a little something like this: 
"Oh, she's coming over. I guess I need to talk to this person now. Okay, just act normal. Everything is normal.  Oh - she's talking. Pay attention. Nod. Yes, that's good. You look toooootally normal."
Who does that?!!  I certainly never have before.  I am usually very personable and outgoing and have never been one to analyze my every word and action!  I am normally quick-witted with snappy comebacks and lately I can barely even seem to hold a conversation with anyone other than my husband. This all feels very weird to me and I don't like it. 

I did google depression a little tonight (will do more tomorrow) and I think I am going to start forcing myself to exercise more even though I REALLY don't feel like it. Hopefully that will help. Other suggestions I read: Vitamin B-6, calcium, magnesium, Vitamin E, tryptophan, evening primrose oil and chaste tree berry. We'll see what else I find.
I obviously need to do a ton more research but even just realizing that this might be what's going on is a bit of a relief.  I am aware that depression can be linked to PCOS so maybe this is valid and I should talk to my doctor.  I would not be surprised if Metformin is in my near future because of the PCOS - I wonder if that would also help with depression?

For your viewing pleasure, here are some apropos drawings by Hyperbole and a Half (love!):

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