Warning: Serious pity party post

I am so jealous of other TTCs who ovulate. They know when their fertile window is, they know when to expect their periods and they actually have a two-week wait. They even know when to start (and stop) using OPKs.

I have gone through at least 50 OPKs just this cycle alone. I don't even want to estimate how many I've been through since we started TTC.  Every time I get a positive we have as much sex as possible (which is never more than once every 3ish days since with Hubby's back pain, he physically can't manage any more than that), and then my temps inevitably stay low and I don't ovulate. This happens multiple times throughout each cycle and all I have to show for it each time is disappointment and sincere apologies to a husband who is in pain but is still doing all he can to make a baby while his wife's body fails them time and time again.

TTGP ladies - please don't complain about having "bad" timing because you missed one day of sex during your fertile window! At least you have a fertile window! At least you know that sex you just had actually could lead to a pregnancy. And at least your husband is physically able to have as much sex as the two of you can make time for.

While I'm at it, don't complain about your "long" 33 day cycles or your "irregular" cycles that are consistently between 28 and 35 days! Try having cycles that are anywhere between 50 and 120 days and see how patient you are then.  Try having cycles that NEVER END until you get medication.

Finally, PLEASE don't complain about your frustration that it's CD 19 and you're still waiting to O!  Try waiting at least 60 days almost every cycle to O and it NEVER happening. Realize that it's a luxury that you can measure the phases of your cycles in days instead of in weeks and months.  The fact that you are only 5 days from the "normal CD 14 O date" is something you should be thankful for, not lamenting about.

I realize I sound like a complete whiny bitch right now.  I realize I sound bitter. Sometimes I am bitter. And jealous. It's so frustrating to always be posting in the "Waiting to O" thread on TB, seeing women complain about CD 1 when all you can do is pray for CD 1.  I hate that the same posters I start the "waiting to O" thread with at the beginning of a cycle will move onto their 2 week wait not once but twice while I'm still waiting to O for the first time until I finally throw in the towel again and take more Provera.

Don't get me wrong - I do realize that it's hard for them too.  I can imagine that the 2 week wait is very difficult when you get your hopes up and then they are dashed each time you get your period.  I get that.  But at least you have a reason to get your hopes up each time. At least you have a chance. I don't even have a horse in the race.

I've decided that my next post is going to be all about things in my life for which I am thankful. I know there are a lot, I just can't really think of many right at this moment...