Hubs refers to it as me "hulking up". It feels like I'm becoming freakishly strong and scary and losing control over my emotions and actions. I want to rip my skin off of my body and run around flailing. It's crazy. I haven't quite figured out yet what to do to manage this when it happens...
Last night for example, it took longer than usual to fall asleep and I could feel myself hulking up. My blood started boiling, I starting huffing and tossing and turning and could not calm myself down. I was too hot so I ripped my PJ pants off and flung them on the floor; I got all pissed off because the sheets were too...ON me so I kicked and pulled at them; I was irrationally angry that my pillow felt too hard so I kept punching it and eventually got so frustrated I just chucked it as hard as possible across the room... You get the picture. Poor hubby just laid there like a little mouse and didn't make a sound. I don't think he even breathed out of fear that I might notice him there and turn my predator wrath from the inanimate bed to him. Once I had finally calmed down he asked if I was okay and rubbed my back and I eventually fell asleep. I'm like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
This is not fun at all.
I have a lot of plans with people this weekend and need to figure out how to control this so that I can avoid killing one of them.
|Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.|