I am so SICK of this! I'm so sick of my hormones being unmanageable and my body not working properly. I'm so sick of analyzing every single little thing and having it NEVER make a bit of difference! I'm so sick of hoping and being let down every single time!
I can't believe I have been TTC for 13 months and have never even ovulated! All this work and time and effort has all been for NOTHING. It's been an absolute waste of time. We could have been doing absolutely NOTHING for more than a year and we'd have the same exact chance of conceiving as we did this whole time: ZERO. Zero percent chance of conceiving.
My coworker announced today that she's pregnant. I cried. Not in front of her, not even while I was at work, but once I got to my car at the end of the day I lost it. I sat in the parking lot and bawled my eyes out. She wasn't even engaged yet when my husband and I started TTC. In the time we've been trying, she's gotten engaged, married and pregnant. All I've been doing is wishing and trying; every minute of every day for 13 months. That's more than half a million minutes (yes I did the math) spent wishing, hoping, praying, peeing on sticks, analyzing CM, taking my temperature, having sex when neither of us felt like it, taking meds, dealing with side effects, getting blood drawn, going to doctors appointments, getting tested, trying to lose weight... All my coworker had to do was have sex with her husband on her wedding night. That's it.
Life is not fair.
::sigh:: She was so happy today. She deserves to be happy. And honestly, I'm happy for her. I just wish I wasn't so sad for myself at the same time.
Okay, that is the end of my pity party. I actually do feel better.
If you somehow made it all the way through this horrid post, here is your reward:
|Can't. Stop. Watching.|