I had a mini-epiphany this morning

If you read this blog regularly, you know that the last couple days have been tough for me. I seriously bawled on Monday when I found out my coworker was pregnant – that night was really bad, as was all of Tuesday.  Luckily, yesterday I was feeling better but just before bed last night I logged onto The Bump and found out that one of the girls I talk with a lot on the TTGP forum got a surprise BFP on Monday! After the last couple days, one might think that that news would have thrown me back into a dark place emotionally but in fact, it was the total opposite!  When I read her post last night I was so so happy for her (Novel – I don’t know if you ever read this blog but I am thrilled for you!) and I’ve been in a great mood all morning because of it.  [Don’t worry, I do realize that it’s a tad bit weird that it’s having SUCH a positive effect on me and we don’t even know one another’s real names but whatever, I’m goin’ with it.] 

Anyway, my epiphany is that even though I struggle sometimes with IF, it is not actually turning me into a cold-hearted monster! I do still have the ability to be genuinely happy for someone without being sad for myself at the same time. I was starting to worry that I wasn’t capable of that anymore. Perhaps the reason I feel good about Novel’s BFP is that she and I were going through similar things - I knew her struggles and can understand how sweet this BFP is for her. With my coworker, I think the news caught me on a bad day so I immediately zeroed in on why it’s not fair that she didn’t even have to try and we’ve been going through all this and blah blah blah. (It probably doesn’t help that I don’t like her a whole lot either.)

Anywho, I feel good. I’m gonna miss having a connection with Novel in our Waiting to do Something thread (I’ll be taking over starting that thread on Wednesdays now), but I’m genuinely happy for her. Now I just want to get KU so I can go join her on 1^st Tri!