Friday, June 6, 2014

Fill-the-Void Friday!

Hello friends. I have disappeared recently.  But I'm still alive, and I'm doing okay!

I haven't been around much for two reasons: 

1. Work has been CRAZY lately. Long story short: I do government funded work and our contract is up in a couple months so we have to write a proposal to recompete in order to get more funding so that we can all continue to have jobs. IT.IS.MADNESS. I have never experienced anything quite like this before and I'm working pretty much around the clock (including weekends) except for the handful of hours that I'm sleeping.  It's possible I may drop dead soon from utter exhaustion.

2. I've been finding my "new normal" in this life-after-loss. In many ways, my life is exactly the same as it was but in other ways, I am drastically different now. The truth is that I am not the same person I was and I will never be that person again.  But I'm finding that much of the good parts of me are slowly restoring themselves and for that I am thankful. I felt like an empty shell after losing Petey but I've slowing started to fill that void back up again with...what?  I guess just LIFE, really. Love, happiness, knowledge, experience, strength, gratitude, hope, people, plans.

I seem to have reached a sort of 'plateau of grief' that works for me most days.  I am okay. I have moments of happiness. I have moments of sadness. But mostly I am okay.  I do better when I don't think or analyze too much and just try to remain positive.  After all: 

So in the spirit of trying to focus on thinking positively, introducing.......

Fill-the-Void Friday!  
[Kind of like my own little twisted version of a gratitude journal]

Friday used to be the day of the week I'd usually do my pregnancy update post so now I'm thinking that it might be a good day to focus on some happy stuff that has happened/will be happening and random positive things in my life that are helping me fill up this void within me.

So, here we go!
  • I have Zumba tomorrow morning!
  • It's going to be a beautiful, sunny weekend here. I plan to spend some quality time tomorrow relaxing in my backyard, swimming/floating in the pool and laying in the sun reading a book.
  • Hubs and I are going to see Cirque du Soleil (Amaluna) in Boston on Sunday! I've been looking forward to this for months.
  • While walking through the office with a coworker earlier this week, I ran into a woman who I haven't seen in a long time and she asked me how the baby was doing. I was able to tell her what happened without crying or losing my shit. As my coworker and I walked away it was quiet for a moment and then she said "Well that sucked." And we both had a good laugh. I consider that a win.
  • While working from home today, I happened to look out the window just as two little furry brown bunnies were hopping through the yard!
  • My purple irises, orange azaleas and pink clematis have popped and the roses are budding! I do love this time of year.

I guess that's all for this week.  We'll see how long this lasts ;-)


  1. That's a solid list of awesome things!!! Cirque will be amazing! We went for the first time in Montreal and it was seriously just the coolest thing ever. Your weekend sounds awesome - enjoy that outside time!! <3 <3

  2. Glad to see you are ok! I was wondering where you were. I hope that you have a great weekend and a much deserved time away from work!

  3. I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling a little better lately and finding your new normal. I hope that you and your H have an amazing time together tomorrow!

  4. I'm happy you're starting to feel a little more "normal" lately. I'm still keeping you and Petey in my thoughts and sending lots of love. Have fun at Cirque!

  5. I am sorry your work is nuts right now! I hope you get the funding you need.

    I love this time of year for the flowers too! My peonies just popped and they are HUGE! I love it.

  6. Sending love & so happy that you are embracing the beauty in life. Xoxo

  7. Love this post, love your list! And yay for Cirque, I've always wanted to go!! Always thinking about you and sending lots of love your way, Chickin <3

  8. I am glad to hear you are doing ok! Sending you tons of love xoxox

  9. I have been thinking about you lots lately and hoping you were okay but assumed you needed a break so I didn't want to bug you. Love this post! Thinking of you often and sending lots of love your way! <3 <3