Friday, June 6, 2014

Fill-the-Void Friday!

Hello friends. I have disappeared recently.  But I'm still alive, and I'm doing okay!

I haven't been around much for two reasons: 

1. Work has been CRAZY lately. Long story short: I do government funded work and our contract is up in a couple months so we have to write a proposal to recompete in order to get more funding so that we can all continue to have jobs. IT.IS.MADNESS. I have never experienced anything quite like this before and I'm working pretty much around the clock (including weekends) except for the handful of hours that I'm sleeping.  It's possible I may drop dead soon from utter exhaustion.

2. I've been finding my "new normal" in this life-after-loss. In many ways, my life is exactly the same as it was but in other ways, I am drastically different now. The truth is that I am not the same person I was and I will never be that person again.  But I'm finding that much of the good parts of me are slowly restoring themselves and for that I am thankful. I felt like an empty shell after losing Petey but I've slowing started to fill that void back up again with...what?  I guess just LIFE, really. Love, happiness, knowledge, experience, strength, gratitude, hope, people, plans.

I seem to have reached a sort of 'plateau of grief' that works for me most days.  I am okay. I have moments of happiness. I have moments of sadness. But mostly I am okay.  I do better when I don't think or analyze too much and just try to remain positive.  After all: 


So in the spirit of trying to focus on thinking positively, introducing.......


Fill-the-Void Friday!  
[Kind of like my own little twisted version of a gratitude journal]

Friday used to be the day of the week I'd usually do my pregnancy update post so now I'm thinking that it might be a good day to focus on some happy stuff that has happened/will be happening and random positive things in my life that are helping me fill up this void within me.

So, here we go!
  • I have Zumba tomorrow morning!
  • It's going to be a beautiful, sunny weekend here. I plan to spend some quality time tomorrow relaxing in my backyard, swimming/floating in the pool and laying in the sun reading a book.
  • Hubs and I are going to see Cirque du Soleil (Amaluna) in Boston on Sunday! I've been looking forward to this for months.
  • While walking through the office with a coworker earlier this week, I ran into a woman who I haven't seen in a long time and she asked me how the baby was doing. I was able to tell her what happened without crying or losing my shit. As my coworker and I walked away it was quiet for a moment and then she said "Well that sucked." And we both had a good laugh. I consider that a win.
  • While working from home today, I happened to look out the window just as two little furry brown bunnies were hopping through the yard!
  • My purple irises, orange azaleas and pink clematis have popped and the roses are budding! I do love this time of year.

I guess that's all for this week.  We'll see how long this lasts ;-)



9 comments:

  1. That's a solid list of awesome things!!! Cirque will be amazing! We went for the first time in Montreal and it was seriously just the coolest thing ever. Your weekend sounds awesome - enjoy that outside time!! <3 <3

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  2. Glad to see you are ok! I was wondering where you were. I hope that you have a great weekend and a much deserved time away from work!

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  3. I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling a little better lately and finding your new normal. I hope that you and your H have an amazing time together tomorrow!

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  4. I'm happy you're starting to feel a little more "normal" lately. I'm still keeping you and Petey in my thoughts and sending lots of love. Have fun at Cirque!

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  5. I am sorry your work is nuts right now! I hope you get the funding you need.

    I love this time of year for the flowers too! My peonies just popped and they are HUGE! I love it.

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  6. Sending love & so happy that you are embracing the beauty in life. Xoxo

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  7. Love this post, love your list! And yay for Cirque, I've always wanted to go!! Always thinking about you and sending lots of love your way, Chickin <3

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  8. I am glad to hear you are doing ok! Sending you tons of love xoxox

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  9. I have been thinking about you lots lately and hoping you were okay but assumed you needed a break so I didn't want to bug you. Love this post! Thinking of you often and sending lots of love your way! <3 <3

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