Friday, June 13, 2014

Fill-the-Void Friday, 6/13

Here are this week's random positive things that are helping fill the void inside me left behind after losing Petey:

  • JEN IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This has made me so so happy this week!I am so happy for her and I pray that she will have a wonderful and healthy 9 months <3
  • On Wednesday I wore non-maternity pants to work for the first time in about 6 months.  It has still been difficult every single time I've had to pull on maternity pants since they were the only things that were comfy enough for a full day.  Now, I've lost a little weight and am so happy to be wearing regular pants to work again.
  • Last weekend Hubs and I went to see Cirque du Soleil. It was very cool and I enjoyed it. However, it was really hot inside the tent and the seats were extremely close together so it was a little uncomfortable. I found myself thinking about the fact that I should have been 30 weeks pregnant and would have been so unbelievably uncomfortable that we likely wouldn't have been able to stay.  Silver lining?
  • I've mentioned on here before that one of my close friends is pregnant with twins.  It has been difficult for me but honestly, they have been great and quite sensitive to our situation.  She texted last week to warn me that I'd soon be receiving a baby shower invitation in the mail but that she completely understands if I don't feel like I can come. I got the invitation the other day and she's right - I can't come. I can't do it. I am so relieved that she understands and that not everyone is completely insensitive.
  • I don't have to work this weekend(!!) and I have fun plans: Saturday is my sister's bday so we're spending it together doing girly things and then Sunday is Fathers' Day and we've invited family from both sides to come spend the day poolside and have a big lobster/steak/corn on the cob feast! (Hubs did a favor for some guy in his building who owns a fish distribution company in the Boston Seaport and in return, he's giving us a dozen free 2 pound lobsters! Woohoo!) 

A side note:
Today I am working from home (i.e., from my couch with the TV on in the background) and while composing this post I found that Les Miserables was on HBO. I turned it on to watch for the umpteenth time and amazingly, the part that was on is when Eponine is dying and sings "A Little Fall of Rain"! This was the song I used to sing to Petey. This is "our song".  I don't know if I believe in signs  It brought me back three months ago to all the times I spent strolling around the backyard with the dog, rubbing my pregnant belly and singing to Petey while I cried and counted the hours we had left together. Listening to this song just now was emotional. It made me sad and made me remember, but it also gave me a sense of peace and filled me with love.
One of the things I still struggle with is whether or not to think of myself as a mother but Krystal said something once that stuck with me: something to the effect of how, if she denied thinking of herself in that way then that would mean that her boys don't have a mother and that is simply not true. So I'll say it now, here, for the first time:

Mommy loves you so much, Petey. I miss you every day and I will never stop missing you. I love you.


  1. Ooooo! It sounds like you're going to have a delicious Father's Day meal! Have a fun filled weekend! xox

  2. Yay for every positive thing that helps you along the way. That meal sounds quite yummy, enjoy!!

  3. Ohh my goodness. I am holding back tears. I am so, so happy that you acknowledge yourself as a mom. The strongest mothers are the ones that love their children even though they will never get hugs, kisses, or thank yous. You are so much stronger than you know, and you are a wonderful mom. That song is beautiful. There is a song that reminds me of my boys and we played it at their memorial. It also breaks my heart to hear it, but it is nice to have a song that connects me with my babies. I'm sure this song is the same for you.

  4. Chickin, I freaking love you so much! I love that beautiful song, when I hear it now it makes me think of you and Petey. I cannot love the last sentence of this post enough (but sheesh lady, a tissue warning would be nice!). I keep you and Petey in my thoughts, prayers and in my heart all the time. Love you <3

    1. Sooooorry! I cry at pretty much everything now so my "tissue-warning meter" is slightly off :-)

  5. Yay for all of the good things this week. I love that song and I am so glad you are acknowledging yourself as a mother. Sending you lots of love and ((hugs)) today and always.

  6. I'm glad that you had so many positive things to get you through the week. I also love hearing you call yourself a mother. You guys are always in my thoughts. Hugs and lots of love <3

  7. I'm so happy for all the positive things this week.

    The story of you singing to Petey brought me to tears. You ARE an amazing Mother, and I know that Petey loves you so much. <3

  8. Sending you lots of love <3<3<3

  9. Chickie I will definitely think of you and Petey when I hear that song from now on.

    I am quite jealous of your lobster fest! You house is in between boston and NH...just saying some of those lobsters could be dropped off at my house :)

  10. Big hugs to you, my dear. It is wonderful that you can recognize yourself as a mother - you are! I'm always sending so much love to you, S & Petey. I hope you enjoyed your weekend. The feast sounds amazing!