Tuesday, April 23, 2013

CD43 Update (aka: Bitchfest)

I feel like I should post an update but honestly, there's not much news.

It's CD43. I have not ovulated. I am not surprised.

I haven't lost any additional weight since my first week on Metformin which was more than a month ago (and it's certainly not for lack of trying).  My next appt with the RE is next Thursday and I know he will scold me for not losing weight so obviously I am really looking forward to it. Since that day will be CD52, I assume the dr. will give me Provera and then we will be starting the first round of Clomid on the next cycle.

Honestly, I'm just kind of in a bad place right now with TTC.  I don't feel optimistic or hopeful, I just feel tired and disappointed.  I feel like the past year (technically, 11 mos) has been a total waste of time. I'm just so sick of it all right now. I rarely check The Bump anymore. I'm not blogging as much. I don't want to talk to anyone about it - I don't even want to SEE anyone in case they ask me about it!  One of my coworkers to whom I mentioned our trouble TTC asks me EVERY SINGLE TIME I see her how it's going. I guess it's nice that she cares but I don't want to be reminded about it all the time while at work!

I'm also consciously staying away from Facebook because I am starting to get seriously upset seeing all the baby pictures. (I realize that is not a good thing.) I counted yesterday and I have 14 friends with babies under 18 mos. old - 9 born while we've been TTC. That's almost 1 every month! If I spend much more than a few minutes on FB with the constant barrage of BABY BABY BABY, the jealousy and sadness just kind of overwhelms me. Some days I can't stand to be on it at all.  

I've also found that I've started getting legitimately angry (not just annoyed but actually angry) when posters on TB complain that "it's CD20 and I'm still waiting to O!" or "It's been 3 mos and I'm not preggers yet!". Cry me a fucking river ladies. I realize anger is not a normal or healthy reaction so I've been keeping my distance until I can get my issues under control.  I've been thinking about intro-ing on the T-TTC board since I'm having a hard time identifying with most of the posters on the TTGP board now (whenever I ask a question no one has any input since most of them are new) and feel I'd probably fit better on 3T now.  I haven't intro'd though for 2 reasons: 1) I haven't been TTC for a full year yet, and 2) my interest with TB ebbs and flows and I'd hate to intro and then disappear for a while and not be an active poster and support-giver.   I'm thinking that once I actually start clomid I may go ahead and join that board though. I could probably use some support from people who can identify with what I'm going through.

After writing all this, it sure seems like the depression is back.  I think I'll just hang out with my buddy here and hope the feelings pass soon.


  1. I am so sorry that you are not in a good place right now. Those waves of feeling down definitely come and go through the whole process - don't beat yourself up about getting angry at other people who complain about how "hard" things are - it is totally a natural reaction. You are going through so much right now that you have to take it easy on yourself!

    I definitely think the 3TC board would be a good fit for you, even though you haven't been trying for the full year, you have the PCOS diagnosis and will be starting meds soon. The ladies on 3TC know a LOT about medicated cycles and can give you tips, advice, etc.

    Good luck girl!

  2. I'm sorry you're having a hard time :( I definitely get where you're coming from! My TTC Friday post is going to be all about coworkers who keep making irritating/inappropriate comments. I'm also on CD41 and no positive OPK yet...it's disappointing and frustrating, and it's hard to want to keep going. I've been avoiding The Bump, too, for exactly the same reasons.

    Good luck.

    P.S. I'm glad you enjoyed American On Purpose!

  3. You girls make me feel so much better :-) Thanks!

  4. I saw your post on 3T Weekly check-in and thought I'd check out your blog. I am sorry you are having a hard time! The waves of anger, frustration, sadness, etc come and go. I can definitely relate in the sense that the last 14 months have been a total waste because I haven't ovulated. I wish you all kinda of luck and hope you can get the medicated cycle going!!!