Thank you so much to Cici and Jen (<3) for making such a thoughtful picture that means so much to me.
Thank you to all my IDOB sisters and every single one of you who has been such a huge support through everything.
Thank you for not forgetting my little Petey and for always expressing that I'm not alone and that you are thinking of us.
Every word, every hug, every acknowledgment means so much more than you could know.
Tomorrow is the day we had planned to bring Petey home. The day our lives would change forever. The day we'd finally be a family. As of now, I am doing better with this than I expected. I had an extremely hard couple days at the beginning of this week but I think I'm starting to come to a place of peace when it comes to tomorrow.
I've decided that tomorrow I will be writing a special letter to Petey. I want to get everything out that I wish I could have said to him. I don't want to censor myself. I want to attempt to find a way to tell him how deeply I love and miss him. How sorry I am that I'll never get to hold him but that I will always ache to. How I'll always feel like a piece of me is missing. I'll be burying the letter under Petey's tree in our yard.
After that I'll be going to a butterfly sanctuary hoping it will make me feel connected to him.
Next I plan to go to BuyBuyBaby to buy something special for Petey or something for this new baby that will represent Petey so that (if all goes well) when this baby is in our lives, we will still have something tangible of Petey to all stay connected.
Finally, I plan to get a pedicure and have a butterfly painted on my big toe (a la Cici's Frosty Ninja <3)
I feel good about my plan. I feel like it's a good way for me to honor my little Nugget. It will be meaningful to me and I hope it will give me a bit of a sense of closure so I can stop focusing so fully on the past and my grief and begin to start looking towards the future and my little rainbow. I feel like that's what Petey would want too.
Thank you all for your love and for remembering <3