You're going to think I'm crazy since my last few posts have been so full of despair, but I am feeling hopeful right now for the first time in a long time. (I guess this just goes to show you how volatile my emotions are lately.)
It's possible you will think I'm nuts but I got a sign this evening that my rainbow baby is coming. I know it. I think the world gave me a sign of hope in the actual form of a rainbow.
I was out floating in the pool this evening thinking and relaxing as I often do, and instead of facing towards the trees like usual and searching/expecting to see a butterfly to signify
that Petey is with me, I decided I felt like facing the other way,
towards the open sky. It was a nice evening with blue skies and lots of puffy
clouds. I was lazily imagining shapes in the clouds. Then, in an improbable place high in the sky between a break in the clouds I saw the colors of a rainbow. It was faint and wasn't in an arch but I saw the colors.
I know it was there. I looked away and back again to see if it was just
my eyes playing tricks on me and it wasn't - it was there, hidden in the clouds like it was meant just for me. It took my breath away. It was my
sign that my rainbow baby is coming. Maybe not this cycle, maybe not
next, maybe not even from our first FET, but eventually. We will be
blessed with our rainbow baby eventually.
I turned around towards the trees thinking of Petey and testing to see if I could bring about a butterfly, as this has always worked and has always reassured me of Petey's presence, and
there was none. Maybe this means it's time for me to look ahead to the
future and to my rainbow.
I'm not big on signs or divine intervention or anything like that but this was a powerful experience for me. Thank you world. Thank you God. Thank you WHOEVER. This is what I
needed. I needed a sign, I needed to open my eyes to see the world.
Maybe this rainbow has been waiting there for me to just notice this
whole time if I just opened my heart and opened my eyes. I felt the message and I now feel hope that things will be okay eventually.
I will be testing in a couple days and I hope it will be positive. But if it's not, I think I will be okay now thanks to this experience. This rainbow gave me hope for our future and the strength to move forward.