...I can NOT get enough this week. Granted, work has been crazy but so far this is seriously how my week has gone:
Sunday: Wake up at 10am, eat breakfast, watch 45 mins of TV, go back to bed and nap until 2pm. FINALLY go shopping and buy new bras that actually fit(!), come home, eat dinner, play with the dog, watch 1 hr of TV then doze on the couch the rest of the evening until it's a respectable time to go to bed (9:30ish).
Monday: Leave for the office at 7:30am, work all day, get home at 7:30pm. Scarf down 2 pieces of pizza, fall asleep on the couch immediately and sleep HARD until Hubby makes me go upstairs and go to bed at 10pm. Sleep straight through until 9am the next day (minus pee breaks of course).
Tuesday: Wake up at 9am, work from home all day, eat a delicious dinner that Hubs cooked(!), watch the news, fall asleep on the couch and then alternately do some work or doze for the rest of the evening until respectable time for bed. (That "respectable" time keeps getting earlier and earlier.)
Today: Leave for the office at 8am, work only until 4pm because I feel physically unable to be there any longer without my body shutting down. Come home, have early dinner, try to do some more work but fall asleep on the couch. Wake up, write this blog post. Next, my big plan is to go to bed early. (Likely even earlier than last night.)
How do people grow a human when they also have small children at home to take care of?! (I'm lookin at you Gonz!) I can't even take care of myself right now and have only just enough energy to work, eat, and sleep.
Isn't my life exciting? Can't wait to see what the rest of this week will bring!
An open and honest account of one girl's journey to a family; through infertility, pregnancy and late-term loss (via termination for medical reasons), to finally raising little Jack: our amazing son with Achondroplasia, a form of dwarfism.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
11 weeks! (Complete with first bump pic!)
11 weeks today! That's really exciting to me for some reason. I honestly wasn't convinced I'd ever make it this far so it feels so good to be chugging along from week to week while the baby continues to grow :-) Our little nugget is currently the size of a LIME(!) which seems really big to me. I am definitely forming a bump and promised I'd start posting pictures so here we go with faceless bump pic #1!
My stomach is already looking pretty darn large and I know thata lot most of this is still bloat but my weight is holding steady at 1 lb below pre-pregnancy weight so it's interesting that I'm already so round.
As for symptoms, I unfortunately broke my no-puke streak the other day and am still getting sick at least once a day - usually between 3-5 AM which means I'm awake most nights between 3 and 6 AM and I end up a pukey zombie during the days. Some days are better than others though so I really appreciate the good ones and try to get more done; like taking a shower and possibly loading the dishwasher - that's about the extent of my capabilities right now. Hubs is picking up a LOT of slack with zero complaints and I love him dearly for it.
Some good news: I'm finally down to single numbers of my Crinone applicators so I'm thrilled that I'll be finished with that disgustingness soon! Hoorah!
Also, my next ultrasound (for the NT screening) has been scheduled for Tues, Feb 4th! Only a week and half until we get to see our little nugget again! I seriously can't wait to see it looking like an actual baby.
Finally, a lot of the girls on my BMB have talked about what a hard time they've been having dealing with the pregnancy hormones. I've barely been having any issues with that and have actually been pretty even-keeled this whole time which I credit entirely to going through IF. The last year and a half spent pumping myself full of crazy-making fertility meds and hormones has equipped my body well to deal with pregnancy hormones. After making it through all the horrible med-induced rages, depression, feelings of hopelessness, and never-ending IF rollercoaster, these hormones feel like a friggin' walk in the park right now.
My stomach is already looking pretty darn large and I know that
As for symptoms, I unfortunately broke my no-puke streak the other day and am still getting sick at least once a day - usually between 3-5 AM which means I'm awake most nights between 3 and 6 AM and I end up a pukey zombie during the days. Some days are better than others though so I really appreciate the good ones and try to get more done; like taking a shower and possibly loading the dishwasher - that's about the extent of my capabilities right now. Hubs is picking up a LOT of slack with zero complaints and I love him dearly for it.
Some good news: I'm finally down to single numbers of my Crinone applicators so I'm thrilled that I'll be finished with that disgustingness soon! Hoorah!
Also, my next ultrasound (for the NT screening) has been scheduled for Tues, Feb 4th! Only a week and half until we get to see our little nugget again! I seriously can't wait to see it looking like an actual baby.
Finally, a lot of the girls on my BMB have talked about what a hard time they've been having dealing with the pregnancy hormones. I've barely been having any issues with that and have actually been pretty even-keeled this whole time which I credit entirely to going through IF. The last year and a half spent pumping myself full of crazy-making fertility meds and hormones has equipped my body well to deal with pregnancy hormones. After making it through all the horrible med-induced rages, depression, feelings of hopelessness, and never-ending IF rollercoaster, these hormones feel like a friggin' walk in the park right now.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Met my midwife!
This afternoon's appointment was awesome. I ended up meeting with a midwife and so far I could not be happier. She is very sweet, sort of grandmother-y, and took all the time in the world answering my questions and actually offering information (a novel idea for a doctor!). It was a crapshoot whether I'd have a midwife or physician since I never specified a preference with the practice, but she was the one who was available for today's appointment and so far I love her. If for some reason I want to see someone else, there are 5 OBs and 8 other midwives in the practice so I can switch if I want to but she's actually the head of the department so I think I'm in good hands. If I end up having any complications with the pregnancy though or become high-risk she will automatically switch me to one of the OBs.
I don't know what it was but I am just feeling so good after today. Things are finally feeling real and I'm finally feeling secure. I got to hear the heartbeat again: 153bpm (up from 149!) and she also gave me a physical pelvic exam and said: "Oooo, you have a beautiful chubby uterus!!" Hahaha! What?! I love it. She said I have an impressive little bump forming and thinks I will likely end up showing sooner than some women because of the current position and size of my uterus. Fine with me; I got me some comfy maternity pants now!
In about a week and a half I'll go back for an ultrasound and our little chickin nugget should be looking like a bona fide baby as opposed to a blob! I'll also be starting my genetic screening (NT scan to check for Down's Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and neural tube defects) plus blood work to see if I'm a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. And then 2 weeks after that I'll go back again for my next appointment with the midwife.
I'm officially in the midst of my prenatal care now! This is no longer just a waiting-on-pins-and-needles-hoping-things-will-be-viable situation...this is it! I'm IN it now! Yay!
And in other good news: I have not puked for 3 whole days!!!
I am feeling so happy and thankful right now.
I don't know what it was but I am just feeling so good after today. Things are finally feeling real and I'm finally feeling secure. I got to hear the heartbeat again: 153bpm (up from 149!) and she also gave me a physical pelvic exam and said: "Oooo, you have a beautiful chubby uterus!!" Hahaha! What?! I love it. She said I have an impressive little bump forming and thinks I will likely end up showing sooner than some women because of the current position and size of my uterus. Fine with me; I got me some comfy maternity pants now!
In about a week and a half I'll go back for an ultrasound and our little chickin nugget should be looking like a bona fide baby as opposed to a blob! I'll also be starting my genetic screening (NT scan to check for Down's Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and neural tube defects) plus blood work to see if I'm a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. And then 2 weeks after that I'll go back again for my next appointment with the midwife.
I'm officially in the midst of my prenatal care now! This is no longer just a waiting-on-pins-and-needles-hoping-things-will-be-viable situation...this is it! I'm IN it now! Yay!
And in other good news: I have not puked for 3 whole days!!!
I am feeling so happy and thankful right now.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Bra Shopping
I went bra shopping today for the first time since getting pregnant. It was a horror show. I do NOT recognize my chest anymore and couldn't find anything that fit and was even slightly comfortable. Either the cups fit and the band was too small or the band fit and the cups were too big. Oh and fun fact: apparently boobs don't always grow at the same speed! One of mine is a D right now and the other is a C, soooo that's fun. I have been living in sports bras for the past few weeks but I need at least ONE normal bra to wear under my work clothes so it looks like I'll be doing some more bra shopping in the near future. I am dreading it.
I was successful though in getting some maternity pants! Black work pants, grey ones and a pair of jeans! Can't wait to finally be comfy!
On a similar note, I think I'm now starting to look pregnant. I've always had a little belly roll that could be sucked in or hidden by standing up straight but now I have a...pooch above my pubic bone too that I cannot hide. It's strange. I know it's still just bloat at this stage but it's different from regular bloat. It's not like I'm just getting fat either since I've actually lost 8 pounds (technically a lot of that was IVF/OHSS weight though so I'm only about a pound below my real starting weight). I may start taking bump pictures once a week so I can look back on how my belly has grown :-) I can't wait for it to turn into a legitimate bump so I can stop feeling like such a poser! (I actually felt sort of sheepish going into Motherhood Maternity today!) It's a very weird feeling not really recognizing or knowing how to dress your own body. And I'm only 10 (and a half) weeks in! The next 30 weeks should be interesting.
Hey hey - I'm already a quarter of the way through this pregnancy!!
I was successful though in getting some maternity pants! Black work pants, grey ones and a pair of jeans! Can't wait to finally be comfy!
On a similar note, I think I'm now starting to look pregnant. I've always had a little belly roll that could be sucked in or hidden by standing up straight but now I have a...pooch above my pubic bone too that I cannot hide. It's strange. I know it's still just bloat at this stage but it's different from regular bloat. It's not like I'm just getting fat either since I've actually lost 8 pounds (technically a lot of that was IVF/OHSS weight though so I'm only about a pound below my real starting weight). I may start taking bump pictures once a week so I can look back on how my belly has grown :-) I can't wait for it to turn into a legitimate bump so I can stop feeling like such a poser! (I actually felt sort of sheepish going into Motherhood Maternity today!) It's a very weird feeling not really recognizing or knowing how to dress your own body. And I'm only 10 (and a half) weeks in! The next 30 weeks should be interesting.
Hey hey - I'm already a quarter of the way through this pregnancy!!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Week 10: Morning sickness & other things
I went into the office yesterday for the first time since before Christmas! (Holy crap!) I won't lie - it was tough. I ended up leaving the house an hour late because I had morning sickness, and then I had to pull off an exit on the way there and pace around the car for a few minutes waiting to projectile vomit on the side of the road. (At least I have experience with having an audience now, haha!) Luckily my stomach settled a bit and I got back in the car and made it the rest of the way to work without incident. I did puke once while at work but was lucky enough to make it to one of the private single bathrooms on the other end of the building so that was a silver lining I guess. I was also EXHAUSTED by 3pm so I rescheduled my afternoon meeting for today and left early. In all, I was at work for just 4 hours...pitiful. It's a start though I suppose.
MORNING SICKNESS:
In case you are interested, I really don't have any tricks for the nausea and vomiting right now. I ordered Sea-Bands online which are just little stretchy wristbands with a small plastic ball in them. Placed correctly, the ball hits the acupressure points in the wrist and this apparently relieves nausea. I *think* they work some of the time... They're really tight and sort of cut off the circulation to my hands though so I only put them on now when the nausea is starting. I've also noticed that when removing them after wearing them for more than a couple hours, the veins in my wrist look like they're about to pop so I'm not sure that's a good thing. A mere papercut would probably be the end of me.
Besides those, I also have Preggy Pop Drops which are mostly just sour candies with some other stuff in them and they seem to work okay. I sort of wonder if just sucking on a Jolly Rancher might do the same thing though. But they taste good (mine are sour lemon and sour raspberry) so I like them and like to pretend that they work!
Besides those, I've been eating a lot of oyster crackers/ saltines/ dry cereal/ toast when I'm nauseous because there's no chance I'd be able to keep down anything beyond that.
CRAVINGS:
During the times I am mercifully NOT nauseous, I crave red meat. All I want is steak, hamburgers, pot roast, and more steak. Good thing I'm not a vegetarian! Me thinks I may have an iron deficiency? I also often crave cooked carrots (random!) so I've been eating a lot of those. A few weeks ago I was obsessed with soup (especially thick stews and chowders) but now that sort of grosses me out and I want cold things. Small cold fruit cups are delicious right now, as are fruit smoothies. I also HAVE to eat something every 2.5 - 3 hours or my stomach gets empty and I get sick.
Moving on...
I got my Snoogle the other day and I think I'm gonna like it! I can't really use it quite yet because it's huge and makes it very difficult to get out of the bed quickly to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but once the sickness is gone and my belly is bigger I think I'm gonna love it. It supports me in all the right places. When I tuck it between my legs it sort of has tail which I wedged under my tailbone. SWEET RELIEF! I had no idea how good it would feel to have my tailbone supported! Go figure. Ah Snoogle, I love you already.
I also tried my Belly Band. Dislike. Technically it's Target's version called the BeBand. The idea is to put this stretchy band of fabric over the top of your pants so you can still wear your regular pants even if they no longer button and it's supposed to hide that and keep them up at the same time. Uhh, no. Instead, the BeBand just rolls down making me constantly pull and fuss with it and my pants fall down under it anyway so I end up with the band bunched around my stomach and my pants falling below it. Obnoxious. I may end up in maternity pants sooner than I would like.
Finally (since this post is getting long):
Yesterday at work the office gossip asked me if I was pregnant. Actually, specifically she said: "Don't be insulted okay?? Buuut...are you pregnant?", while pointing at my bloated belly. Awesome. I didn't want anyone else at work to know until I am securely into 2nd Tri so I was NOT thrilled that she asked but I am a horrid liar and she caught me off guard so I said yes. I told her it's still early and no one knows yet so please keep her big mouth shut but I know she won't and most likely everyone will know by the time I come back into the office next week. UGH. I am not prepared to deal with this yet. However, my big bloated belly seems to have other plans! There's nothing I can do to hide this sucker right now and apparently it's even more obvious than I thought. It just wants to say hello and make itself known! I guess I will just have to embrace it and hope it turns from bloat to a legit belly bump soon.
(Who asks that though? What if I WASN'T pregnant and just really fat? Um, yeah, I would have been insulted. Hint: If you have to preface a question with "Don't be insulted, but..." then you probably shouldn't ask that question.)
MORNING SICKNESS:
In case you are interested, I really don't have any tricks for the nausea and vomiting right now. I ordered Sea-Bands online which are just little stretchy wristbands with a small plastic ball in them. Placed correctly, the ball hits the acupressure points in the wrist and this apparently relieves nausea. I *think* they work some of the time... They're really tight and sort of cut off the circulation to my hands though so I only put them on now when the nausea is starting. I've also noticed that when removing them after wearing them for more than a couple hours, the veins in my wrist look like they're about to pop so I'm not sure that's a good thing. A mere papercut would probably be the end of me.
Besides those, I also have Preggy Pop Drops which are mostly just sour candies with some other stuff in them and they seem to work okay. I sort of wonder if just sucking on a Jolly Rancher might do the same thing though. But they taste good (mine are sour lemon and sour raspberry) so I like them and like to pretend that they work!
Besides those, I've been eating a lot of oyster crackers/ saltines/ dry cereal/ toast when I'm nauseous because there's no chance I'd be able to keep down anything beyond that.
CRAVINGS:
During the times I am mercifully NOT nauseous, I crave red meat. All I want is steak, hamburgers, pot roast, and more steak. Good thing I'm not a vegetarian! Me thinks I may have an iron deficiency? I also often crave cooked carrots (random!) so I've been eating a lot of those. A few weeks ago I was obsessed with soup (especially thick stews and chowders) but now that sort of grosses me out and I want cold things. Small cold fruit cups are delicious right now, as are fruit smoothies. I also HAVE to eat something every 2.5 - 3 hours or my stomach gets empty and I get sick.
Moving on...
I got my Snoogle the other day and I think I'm gonna like it! I can't really use it quite yet because it's huge and makes it very difficult to get out of the bed quickly to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night, but once the sickness is gone and my belly is bigger I think I'm gonna love it. It supports me in all the right places. When I tuck it between my legs it sort of has tail which I wedged under my tailbone. SWEET RELIEF! I had no idea how good it would feel to have my tailbone supported! Go figure. Ah Snoogle, I love you already.
I also tried my Belly Band. Dislike. Technically it's Target's version called the BeBand. The idea is to put this stretchy band of fabric over the top of your pants so you can still wear your regular pants even if they no longer button and it's supposed to hide that and keep them up at the same time. Uhh, no. Instead, the BeBand just rolls down making me constantly pull and fuss with it and my pants fall down under it anyway so I end up with the band bunched around my stomach and my pants falling below it. Obnoxious. I may end up in maternity pants sooner than I would like.
Finally (since this post is getting long):
Yesterday at work the office gossip asked me if I was pregnant. Actually, specifically she said: "Don't be insulted okay?? Buuut...are you pregnant?", while pointing at my bloated belly. Awesome. I didn't want anyone else at work to know until I am securely into 2nd Tri so I was NOT thrilled that she asked but I am a horrid liar and she caught me off guard so I said yes. I told her it's still early and no one knows yet so please keep her big mouth shut but I know she won't and most likely everyone will know by the time I come back into the office next week. UGH. I am not prepared to deal with this yet. However, my big bloated belly seems to have other plans! There's nothing I can do to hide this sucker right now and apparently it's even more obvious than I thought. It just wants to say hello and make itself known! I guess I will just have to embrace it and hope it turns from bloat to a legit belly bump soon.
(Who asks that though? What if I WASN'T pregnant and just really fat? Um, yeah, I would have been insulted. Hint: If you have to preface a question with "Don't be insulted, but..." then you probably shouldn't ask that question.)
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
First OB appointment
Disclaimer: This is going to be a really un-exciting post because I am super nauseous and it takes too much effort to try to be clever or funny. Enjoy!
So I had my first appointment at my new OB's office yesterday. (Spoiler alert: It was extremely uneventful. More about that below.) You may recall that once I was officially ready to "graduate" from my RE they reminded me that I needed to have an OB for them to send my medical records to before I could be released. Technically I already had an OB (I had needed to see her in order to get referred to the RE) but I hated her and nicknamed her bitch doctor so I really didn't want to go back to her for prenatal care. (Here's an old blog post about the origin of "bitch doctor" in case you are interested.) So that gave me about a week to research the approximately one dozen hospitals in the area to see their set up and policies, decide where I wanted to deliver and ensure they have a staff with whom I feel comfortable. Yeeeah. I had absolutely no idea where to start and then I got sick and could barely even function nevermind research all this stuff and go on tours, so I just asked the only person I know who has given birth recently in this area: my next door neighbor. She and her husband loved the place they went to and she loved her doctor and didn't have a bad thing to say about the whole experience. (She's also had 3 kids in 3 different hospitals in the area so she has some clue of a positive vs. negative experience.) Sounded good to me! I checked out the website, everything looked good, so I made an appointment. Research: Done!
So I went to this new practice for the first time yesterday. It seemed good! (I think...) Clean, new-ish looking, everyone was pleasant, they had their shit together... This place employs both physicians and midwives and since I have no clue what I'm doing I do not yet know which one I want so I just asked for their first opening. (They were also in a bit of a rush to get me in quickly because OBs like to have their first appointment with patients at 8 weeks and I am already almost 10 weeks.)
Yesterday's appointment actually ended up being with a nurse in the practice and it was mostly like a meet and greet: We went over an extensive medical history (not just for me but all my immediate family plus grandparents and Hubby too), she gave me a quick overview of things I shouldn't be eating/doing, reminded me to not sit for longer than 45 mins at a time in order to keep the blood flowing (being pregnant makes you more susceptible to blood clots!), took my height, weight and blood pressure, gave me a bunch of info including a free book, and then sent me downstairs to the lab to pee in a cup and get about a billion vials of blood drawn (really, like 10...but still a lot).
The appt was fine and was pretty much what I was expecting (except I was really hoping to get to hear the heartbeat again!) but I was bugged about one thing: It was blatantly obvious that the nurse did not bother to review my records at ALL even though they were right in front of her. She did not know that I went through IVF or that I had even been seeing an RE. She kept treating my pregnancy like it was just a pleasant surprise (!) and that I had no clue about what happened to me or my body in the first few weeks of pregnancy. That totally irked me and I had to correct her a couple times. (For example, she was treating me like I was 8 weeks along and I let her know I was actually almost 10 weeks and she was like: "No, you won't know that until you have your first u/s" and I was like: "If you would just look down at the fucking paper in front of you you'll see that I've actually already had 2 ultrasounds. Oh and PS: I actually know exactly how far along I am because I WENT THROUGH IVF!!!" Grrr...) She also just ASSUMED that I had Diabetes since I was on Metformin and just nonchalantly breezed over that part on the medical history. I had to make her go back and tell me what she had selected and have her fix it since I'm on Metformin for PCOS, not Diabetes (which she would have known had she A.) asked me, or B.) looked at my fucking records!!). ::deep breath::
Anyway, so that was dumb but overall I'm not concerned since she was just a nurse and I probably won't even meet with her again. My next appointment is this coming Tuesday and I will actually meet with one of the practitioners (I'm just not sure yet if it will be a physician or midwife). I'll have a pap and pelvic exam and I REALLY hope I'll get to hear the heartbeat again so I can be reassured there's still a live, kicking baby in there and all this puking and nausea isn't for nothing!
So I had my first appointment at my new OB's office yesterday. (Spoiler alert: It was extremely uneventful. More about that below.) You may recall that once I was officially ready to "graduate" from my RE they reminded me that I needed to have an OB for them to send my medical records to before I could be released. Technically I already had an OB (I had needed to see her in order to get referred to the RE) but I hated her and nicknamed her bitch doctor so I really didn't want to go back to her for prenatal care. (Here's an old blog post about the origin of "bitch doctor" in case you are interested.) So that gave me about a week to research the approximately one dozen hospitals in the area to see their set up and policies, decide where I wanted to deliver and ensure they have a staff with whom I feel comfortable. Yeeeah. I had absolutely no idea where to start and then I got sick and could barely even function nevermind research all this stuff and go on tours, so I just asked the only person I know who has given birth recently in this area: my next door neighbor. She and her husband loved the place they went to and she loved her doctor and didn't have a bad thing to say about the whole experience. (She's also had 3 kids in 3 different hospitals in the area so she has some clue of a positive vs. negative experience.) Sounded good to me! I checked out the website, everything looked good, so I made an appointment. Research: Done!
So I went to this new practice for the first time yesterday. It seemed good! (I think...) Clean, new-ish looking, everyone was pleasant, they had their shit together... This place employs both physicians and midwives and since I have no clue what I'm doing I do not yet know which one I want so I just asked for their first opening. (They were also in a bit of a rush to get me in quickly because OBs like to have their first appointment with patients at 8 weeks and I am already almost 10 weeks.)
Yesterday's appointment actually ended up being with a nurse in the practice and it was mostly like a meet and greet: We went over an extensive medical history (not just for me but all my immediate family plus grandparents and Hubby too), she gave me a quick overview of things I shouldn't be eating/doing, reminded me to not sit for longer than 45 mins at a time in order to keep the blood flowing (being pregnant makes you more susceptible to blood clots!), took my height, weight and blood pressure, gave me a bunch of info including a free book, and then sent me downstairs to the lab to pee in a cup and get about a billion vials of blood drawn (really, like 10...but still a lot).
The appt was fine and was pretty much what I was expecting (except I was really hoping to get to hear the heartbeat again!) but I was bugged about one thing: It was blatantly obvious that the nurse did not bother to review my records at ALL even though they were right in front of her. She did not know that I went through IVF or that I had even been seeing an RE. She kept treating my pregnancy like it was just a pleasant surprise (!) and that I had no clue about what happened to me or my body in the first few weeks of pregnancy. That totally irked me and I had to correct her a couple times. (For example, she was treating me like I was 8 weeks along and I let her know I was actually almost 10 weeks and she was like: "No, you won't know that until you have your first u/s" and I was like: "If you would just look down at the fucking paper in front of you you'll see that I've actually already had 2 ultrasounds. Oh and PS: I actually know exactly how far along I am because I WENT THROUGH IVF!!!" Grrr...) She also just ASSUMED that I had Diabetes since I was on Metformin and just nonchalantly breezed over that part on the medical history. I had to make her go back and tell me what she had selected and have her fix it since I'm on Metformin for PCOS, not Diabetes (which she would have known had she A.) asked me, or B.) looked at my fucking records!!). ::deep breath::
Anyway, so that was dumb but overall I'm not concerned since she was just a nurse and I probably won't even meet with her again. My next appointment is this coming Tuesday and I will actually meet with one of the practitioners (I'm just not sure yet if it will be a physician or midwife). I'll have a pap and pelvic exam and I REALLY hope I'll get to hear the heartbeat again so I can be reassured there's still a live, kicking baby in there and all this puking and nausea isn't for nothing!
Saturday, January 11, 2014
I may have to find a new grocery store.
Understatement.
I must be feeling better because I actually ventured out of the house today to go grocery shopping! Yay! It was...an experience.
First: Under no circumstances should my husband have allowed his pregnant wife with crazy food cravings to be let loose in a grocery store by herself with a credit card. I bought EVERYTHING. I bought shit I didn't even know existed! If it was in the store and it looked even slightly good to me, I bought it. I was one of those people pushing around a giant overflowing cart, struggling to make the turns at the end of the aisles, giving shoppers the impression that not only do I have 4 children at home but that I'm also stocking up for a party. Mmm, nope. Just me, Hubs and my ridiculous cravings.
Second: I can't go to that grocery store ever again. Not because of my embarrassingly massive haul (which took Hubs FOUR trips from the garage to bring in) but because of the following event: While stacking item after item on the conveyor belt I started to feel a little ill. I chalked it up to just overdoing it since this was my first trip out of the house in weeks and kept going. I cleared the cart, passed it through to the bored teenage girl who would be bagging all my loot and watched the items being rung up. About 2/3 of the way through I felt it: The telltale flop of the stomach and subsequent rising of bile. I looked around quickly in panic and knew there was nothing I could do. I started to heave and made a break for it. I pushed my cart into that poor bagger with what I can only imagine was a look of sheer terror - eyes wide open, cheeks bulging with vomit - and ran past her right out the front door where I turned to the nearest snow pile and projectile vomited. And vomited. And vomited. When I was finally done I wiped my mouth, looked up, and to my everlasting horror realized my chosen snow pile was RIGHT in front of the main window. I could see the shocked and disgusted looks of the workers and other shoppers who were lucky enough to have a front row view of the action and I just froze in utter humiliation. For a moment I seriously considered just running away and pretending nothing ever happened ("What grocery shopping? I didn't go grocery shopping") but eventually I realized that no matter how absolutely mortified I was, I still needed to go back into the store to pay for everything and wheel my gigantic cart of crap out to the car. I slowly scooped up some clean(er) snow, patted it over my lovely little pile and made my way back into the store (but not without first trying unsuccessfully to go back in through the exit door) and walked across the front of the store, cheeks burning, back to the checkout, with half the people gaping at me in silence and the other half doing a poor job pretending like nothing happened. After this walk of shame I finally reached my cart, mumbled an apology, paid, waited in humiliation as they finished bagging everything and, refusing to look anyone in the eye, booked it the hell out of there. I can only imagine the kind of discussions that happened after I left. ::facepalm::
Let me just end this lovely little story by saying that I am not a person who embarrasses easily. However, today's event was on a whoooooole new level. I'm now a bit (more than a bit) afraid to go ANYWHERE. For the rest of my life.
Yay full day morning sickness!
Hubs will be doing the food shopping for the next 20 years.
I must be feeling better because I actually ventured out of the house today to go grocery shopping! Yay! It was...an experience.
First: Under no circumstances should my husband have allowed his pregnant wife with crazy food cravings to be let loose in a grocery store by herself with a credit card. I bought EVERYTHING. I bought shit I didn't even know existed! If it was in the store and it looked even slightly good to me, I bought it. I was one of those people pushing around a giant overflowing cart, struggling to make the turns at the end of the aisles, giving shoppers the impression that not only do I have 4 children at home but that I'm also stocking up for a party. Mmm, nope. Just me, Hubs and my ridiculous cravings.
Second: I can't go to that grocery store ever again. Not because of my embarrassingly massive haul (which took Hubs FOUR trips from the garage to bring in) but because of the following event: While stacking item after item on the conveyor belt I started to feel a little ill. I chalked it up to just overdoing it since this was my first trip out of the house in weeks and kept going. I cleared the cart, passed it through to the bored teenage girl who would be bagging all my loot and watched the items being rung up. About 2/3 of the way through I felt it: The telltale flop of the stomach and subsequent rising of bile. I looked around quickly in panic and knew there was nothing I could do. I started to heave and made a break for it. I pushed my cart into that poor bagger with what I can only imagine was a look of sheer terror - eyes wide open, cheeks bulging with vomit - and ran past her right out the front door where I turned to the nearest snow pile and projectile vomited. And vomited. And vomited. When I was finally done I wiped my mouth, looked up, and to my everlasting horror realized my chosen snow pile was RIGHT in front of the main window. I could see the shocked and disgusted looks of the workers and other shoppers who were lucky enough to have a front row view of the action and I just froze in utter humiliation. For a moment I seriously considered just running away and pretending nothing ever happened ("What grocery shopping? I didn't go grocery shopping") but eventually I realized that no matter how absolutely mortified I was, I still needed to go back into the store to pay for everything and wheel my gigantic cart of crap out to the car. I slowly scooped up some clean(er) snow, patted it over my lovely little pile and made my way back into the store (but not without first trying unsuccessfully to go back in through the exit door) and walked across the front of the store, cheeks burning, back to the checkout, with half the people gaping at me in silence and the other half doing a poor job pretending like nothing happened. After this walk of shame I finally reached my cart, mumbled an apology, paid, waited in humiliation as they finished bagging everything and, refusing to look anyone in the eye, booked it the hell out of there. I can only imagine the kind of discussions that happened after I left. ::facepalm::
Let me just end this lovely little story by saying that I am not a person who embarrasses easily. However, today's event was on a whoooooole new level. I'm now a bit (more than a bit) afraid to go ANYWHERE. For the rest of my life.
Yay full day morning sickness!
Hubs will be doing the food shopping for the next 20 years.
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Week 9
Thank god Hubs and I are still sleeping in separate rooms (since I'm awake coughing up a lung half the night) since I could seriously take down a horse right now with my gas. I'm even grossing out the dog and he sniffs butts for a good time.
I should probably start doing those lists that everyone does so you can know if my belly button is still an innie (it is), if I'm sleeping (I'm not), or if I'm having any labor signs (ummm, no) but I don't really feel like it. Instead I think I may just go the route of posting about random stuff that's going on with me. Enjoy!
Let's see: I've already shared my gaseousness with you... on top of that I'm also constipated! Hooray! I've taken to eating prunes every day now which really just taste like giant, slightly slimy raisins so I've been able to choke them down just fine. I also hear plum juice can do the trick but I haven't tried it yet.
I bought a maternity pillow tonight called a Snoogle! The name may or may not have been the deciding factor for me but it also got lots and lots of good reviews on Amazon so I'm excited to cuddle with it in approximately 3-5 business days.
I also bought a belly band so that I can continue wearing all my pants in spite of the bloat. This will cover up the fact that my pants do not actually close any longer and are being held together with hair elastics. Classy. In spite of the bloat I have actually lost weight though (probably due to the puking and limited food that I can stomach). I'm down 7 lbs to my pre-IVF/OHSS weight. I'm happy about that. Since I'm overweight as it is, supposedly I should aim for only gaining 25 lbs total with this pregnancy so it would be amazing if I could make it through 1st Tri without gaining anything. I still have about a month to go though so I guess we'll see.
Lastly, I think I am FINALLY on the mend! (That only took 3 weeks.) Today I actually showered, did laundry, did the dishes AND managed to work most of the day (from home). Over the last couple weeks I was barely able to accomplish even ONE of those things. Last night I also slept for more time than I was awake which is a huuuuuge feat, AND I only puked once today! Hoorah!
Monday, January 6, 2014
Being sick makes me hate everything.
I've had light spotting since yesterday morning. I'm trying very very hard to ignore it and just continue to trust that this can be a normal part of the process for many women. I think I'd be more successful in this though if it wasn't for the fact that I also have cramping. HOWEVER, that could be because I'm almost constantly either violently coughing or puking. I also haven't really pooped in 3 days sooooo, yeah. It's hard to tell what is causing what since I'm all around pretty much just a big pile of shit right now.
The good news: I was able to get in to see a doctor tonight about my head cold. The bad news: He was no help whatsoever. I pretty much got a sympathetic pat on the head and was told to keep doing what I'm doing because there's no other way he can help me. The doctor said if I wasn't pregnant he would have prescribed me some sort of inhaler medication for my lungs, codeine to help suppress the coughing and would have ordered a chest x-ray. Instead, we'll just have to wait and see if my lungs fill with fluid and I can no longer breathe or if I develop a fever of more than 101. Direct quote from the doctor: "I hate to say it but you're just going to have to suffer through it for as long as it takes and hope for the best." Awesome.
So I've mentioned the fact that I'm sick a couple times now in this blog but we have now inevitably reached the point of a necessary all-out bitch and moan session (prefaced, as always, with the fact that in spite of it all, I am still thrilled and grateful to be pregnant [8w3d today!]):
I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I have to be sitting up straight or standing at all times because any amount of reclining causes me to to have a coughing fit. It's exhausting to remain upright though because I TRULY have not slept more than 20 minutes at a time for more than a week now because nothing I do will stop the coughing. I pulled a muscle in my neck from it last night and am now having some serious rib pain on my right side. I sit on the bathroom floor half the night because I can't get enough leverage while in bed to cough as hard as I need to. At least once each night the force of the coughing causes me to puke but while puking, I still have to cough so I simultaneously throw up and just choke over the toilet, unable to catch my breath. During the times that my coughing is mercifully less violent, I puke anyway in the middle of the night out of sheer exhaustion. The rest of the day I have morning sickness and will randomly throw up with no noticeable pattern and no advanced warning... My ears are painfully blocked and full of fluid, my throat is so sore it is raw, my entire body aches, my nose is a sieve, I have a constant pounding headache, and all I want to do is sleep but I fucking CAN'T. I am officially miserable. Still happy I'm pregnant, but I am fucking miserable right now. And there is no end in sight.
Word of advice to anyone who enters 1st Tri: QUARANTINE YOURSELF THE SECOND YOU GET YOUR BFP! Do NOT get sick!!! I never could have imagined a mere virus could be this bad.
The good news: I was able to get in to see a doctor tonight about my head cold. The bad news: He was no help whatsoever. I pretty much got a sympathetic pat on the head and was told to keep doing what I'm doing because there's no other way he can help me. The doctor said if I wasn't pregnant he would have prescribed me some sort of inhaler medication for my lungs, codeine to help suppress the coughing and would have ordered a chest x-ray. Instead, we'll just have to wait and see if my lungs fill with fluid and I can no longer breathe or if I develop a fever of more than 101. Direct quote from the doctor: "I hate to say it but you're just going to have to suffer through it for as long as it takes and hope for the best." Awesome.
So I've mentioned the fact that I'm sick a couple times now in this blog but we have now inevitably reached the point of a necessary all-out bitch and moan session (prefaced, as always, with the fact that in spite of it all, I am still thrilled and grateful to be pregnant [8w3d today!]):
I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I have to be sitting up straight or standing at all times because any amount of reclining causes me to to have a coughing fit. It's exhausting to remain upright though because I TRULY have not slept more than 20 minutes at a time for more than a week now because nothing I do will stop the coughing. I pulled a muscle in my neck from it last night and am now having some serious rib pain on my right side. I sit on the bathroom floor half the night because I can't get enough leverage while in bed to cough as hard as I need to. At least once each night the force of the coughing causes me to puke but while puking, I still have to cough so I simultaneously throw up and just choke over the toilet, unable to catch my breath. During the times that my coughing is mercifully less violent, I puke anyway in the middle of the night out of sheer exhaustion. The rest of the day I have morning sickness and will randomly throw up with no noticeable pattern and no advanced warning... My ears are painfully blocked and full of fluid, my throat is so sore it is raw, my entire body aches, my nose is a sieve, I have a constant pounding headache, and all I want to do is sleep but I fucking CAN'T. I am officially miserable. Still happy I'm pregnant, but I am fucking miserable right now. And there is no end in sight.
Word of advice to anyone who enters 1st Tri: QUARANTINE YOURSELF THE SECOND YOU GET YOUR BFP! Do NOT get sick!!! I never could have imagined a mere virus could be this bad.
Sunday, January 5, 2014
You're invited!
Mmm, cake. |
My, it has been a busy year!
1 year
1 year
160 posts
438 comments
12709 views
I think I can safely say that blogging has saved my sanity over the last year (and likely my marriage as well). It has given me an outlet to express things I hadn't even been able to express to myself yet, made me realize I wasn't alone in this awful IF journey, and enabled me to make some wonderful connections with other bloggers. Many many times, it has felt like a safe haven for me and I'm so glad I stuck with it and didn't hold back when things got ugly.
When I started this blog one year ago today, I had no idea where my TTC journey would lead. I'm thrilled to be standing in the position I'm in now, looking back on who I was then and seeing how much I've grown and how things have changed. If all goes well, this next year of blogging will capture another new journey for me, Hubs, and our little chickin nugget and I'll be looking back on this day with satisfaction, reflecting on how much things have changed yet again.
Here's to the next year!!
Thank you to all my readers :-)
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Pukeaholic
I think the title speaks for itself. Puking is my new hobby now. And when I'm not actually throwing up, I am gagging and dry heaving for no reason and with no advanced warning.
I am legit afraid to go back to work because I'm sure there will be plenty of instances of me abruptly running out of meetings to go scare/disgust people in the bathroom with my heaving. (I am not a dainty puker.) I also don't know how I'm going to explain any of this to my coworkers...
Besides puking, I also enjoy: constipation; having to catch my breath after climbing a single flight of stairs; crying at the drop of a hat; craving something so intensely I MUST have it, taking one bite and then having to push it away immediately before I gag; and long walks on the beach.
Multiple people on my birth month board said that their symptoms seemed to change right around 9 weeks - some for the better and others definitely for the worse. I guess we'll have to see what next week brings!
Also, I am still sick with this head cold. This is getting old. It's actually starting to concern me now though, as the sore throat has morphed into ear pain so I'm worried they may be infected. I also have not slept for longer than 20 minutes at a time (due to coughing and oftentimes subsequent puking from the coughing) for a full week now so I am a complete zombie. I'm planning to go to the doctor on Monday to see what can be done as the "meds" I'm currently allowed to take are not doing shit and it's likely I may need antibiotics at this point. My body just seems incapable of fighting this on it's own right now (likely because it is simultaneously creating a person).
Me tired.
I am legit afraid to go back to work because I'm sure there will be plenty of instances of me abruptly running out of meetings to go scare/disgust people in the bathroom with my heaving. (I am not a dainty puker.) I also don't know how I'm going to explain any of this to my coworkers...
Besides puking, I also enjoy: constipation; having to catch my breath after climbing a single flight of stairs; crying at the drop of a hat; craving something so intensely I MUST have it, taking one bite and then having to push it away immediately before I gag; and long walks on the beach.
Multiple people on my birth month board said that their symptoms seemed to change right around 9 weeks - some for the better and others definitely for the worse. I guess we'll have to see what next week brings!
Also, I am still sick with this head cold. This is getting old. It's actually starting to concern me now though, as the sore throat has morphed into ear pain so I'm worried they may be infected. I also have not slept for longer than 20 minutes at a time (due to coughing and oftentimes subsequent puking from the coughing) for a full week now so I am a complete zombie. I'm planning to go to the doctor on Monday to see what can be done as the "meds" I'm currently allowed to take are not doing shit and it's likely I may need antibiotics at this point. My body just seems incapable of fighting this on it's own right now (likely because it is simultaneously creating a person).
Me tired.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Week 8 - Ultrasound (with pics!)
8 week ultrasound today! We got to hear the heartbeat!!! It's a healthy149 bpm (they wanted to see at least 120 at this point). Baby is measuring a couple days behind at 7w3d but I'm gonna trust the doc and not stress about that.
So without further ado, here is our little (chicken/chickin?) nugget! (Now that I have a visual and it's actually a baby, I can't think of it as "Petrie Dish Pete" anymore):
With the second picture, we were listening to the heartbeat and watching the heart flicker at the same time. It was incredible and it finally hit home that this is really happening. I can't believe there's actually a baby in there!!!!
Today was also my last appt with the RE. Two of the nurses teared up when we were hugging and saying our goodbyes - it was very cute. They loved me there :-) I'm going to miss them.
At the same time, after this u/s, I am now excited to move on to being a "normal pregnant woman" and have scheduled my first appt on Jan 14th with my new OB/midwife team! I'm now looking forward to this next new phase. ::happy sigh::
During the exit interview with the doc today, he said that based on the heartbeat and size of the baby, he estimates that my chances of miscarriage have dropped from 30% (because PCOS doubles the risk of m/c) to just 5-10% now so that was a HUGE relief. My fingers are still crossed but things look good so maybe I'll only live in fear half of the time now.
Yay!!! What a wonderful way to start 2014 :-)
So without further ado, here is our little (chicken/chickin?) nugget! (Now that I have a visual and it's actually a baby, I can't think of it as "Petrie Dish Pete" anymore):
Today was also my last appt with the RE. Two of the nurses teared up when we were hugging and saying our goodbyes - it was very cute. They loved me there :-) I'm going to miss them.
At the same time, after this u/s, I am now excited to move on to being a "normal pregnant woman" and have scheduled my first appt on Jan 14th with my new OB/midwife team! I'm now looking forward to this next new phase. ::happy sigh::
During the exit interview with the doc today, he said that based on the heartbeat and size of the baby, he estimates that my chances of miscarriage have dropped from 30% (because PCOS doubles the risk of m/c) to just 5-10% now so that was a HUGE relief. My fingers are still crossed but things look good so maybe I'll only live in fear half of the time now.
Yay!!! What a wonderful way to start 2014 :-)
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