Being sick makes me hate everything.

I've had light spotting since yesterday morning. I'm trying very very hard to ignore it and just continue to trust that this can be a normal part of the process for many women. I think I'd be more successful in this though if it wasn't for the fact that I also have cramping.  HOWEVER, that could be because I'm almost constantly either violently coughing or puking. I also haven't really pooped in 3 days sooooo, yeah. It's hard to tell what is causing what since I'm all around pretty much just a big pile of shit right now.

The good news: I was able to get in to see a doctor tonight about my head cold. The bad news: He was no help whatsoever.  I pretty much got a sympathetic pat on the head and was told to keep doing what I'm doing because there's no other way he can help me.  The doctor said if I wasn't pregnant he would have prescribed me some sort of inhaler medication for my lungs, codeine to help suppress the coughing and would have ordered a chest x-ray.  Instead, we'll just have to wait and see if my lungs fill with fluid and I can no longer breathe or if I develop a fever of more than 101.  Direct quote from the doctor: "I hate to say it but you're just going to have to suffer through it for as long as it takes and hope for the best."  Awesome.

So I've mentioned the fact that I'm sick a couple times now in this blog but we have now inevitably reached the point of a necessary all-out bitch and moan session (prefaced, as always, with the fact that in spite of it all, I am still thrilled and grateful to be pregnant [8w3d today!]):

I really don't know how much more of this I can take. I have to be sitting up straight or standing at all times because any amount of reclining causes me to to have a coughing fit. It's exhausting to remain upright though because I TRULY have not slept more than 20 minutes at a time for more than a week now because nothing I do will stop the coughing. I pulled a muscle in my neck from it last night and am now having some serious rib pain on my right side.  I sit on the bathroom floor half the night because I can't get enough leverage while in bed to cough as hard as I need to. At least once each night the force of the coughing causes me to puke but while puking, I still have to cough so I simultaneously throw up and just choke over the toilet, unable to catch my breath. During the times that my coughing is mercifully less violent, I puke anyway in the middle of the night out of sheer exhaustion.  The rest of the day I have morning sickness and will randomly throw up with no noticeable pattern and no advanced warning...  My ears are painfully blocked and full of fluid, my throat is so sore it is raw, my entire body aches, my nose is a sieve, I have a constant pounding headache, and all I want to do is sleep but I fucking CAN'T. I am officially miserable.  Still happy I'm pregnant, but I am fucking miserable right now.  And there is no end in sight.

Word of advice to anyone who enters 1st Tri: QUARANTINE YOURSELF THE SECOND YOU GET YOUR BFP!  Do NOT get sick!!! I never could have imagined a mere virus could be this bad.