Saturday, January 11, 2014

I may have to find a new grocery store.


I must be feeling better because I actually ventured out of the house today to go grocery shopping! Yay! It experience. 

First: Under no circumstances should my husband have allowed his pregnant wife with crazy food cravings to be let loose in a grocery store by herself with a credit card.  I bought EVERYTHING. I bought shit I didn't even know existed!  If it was in the store and it looked even slightly good to me, I bought it. I was one of those people pushing around a giant overflowing cart, struggling to make the turns at the end of the aisles, giving shoppers the impression that not only do I have 4 children at home but that I'm also stocking up for a party. Mmm, nope.  Just me, Hubs and my ridiculous cravings. 

Second: I can't go to that grocery store ever again.  Not because of my embarrassingly massive haul (which took Hubs FOUR trips from the garage to bring in) but because of the following event: While stacking item after item on the conveyor belt I started to feel a little ill. I chalked it up to just overdoing it since this was my first trip out of the house in weeks and kept going.  I cleared the cart, passed it through to the bored teenage girl who would be bagging all my loot and watched the items being rung up.  About 2/3 of the way through I felt it: The telltale flop of the stomach and subsequent rising of bile.  I looked around quickly in panic and knew there was nothing I could do. I started to heave and made a break for it.  I pushed my cart into that poor bagger with what I can only imagine was a look of sheer terror - eyes wide open, cheeks bulging with vomit - and ran past her right out the front door where I turned to the nearest snow pile and projectile vomited. And vomited. And vomited. When I was finally done I wiped my mouth, looked up, and to my everlasting horror realized my chosen snow pile was RIGHT in front of the main window. I could see the shocked and disgusted looks of the workers and other shoppers who were lucky enough to have a front row view of the action and I just froze in utter humiliation.  For a moment I seriously considered just running away and pretending nothing ever happened ("What grocery shopping? I didn't go grocery shopping") but eventually I realized that no matter how absolutely mortified I was, I still needed to go back into the store to pay for everything and wheel my gigantic cart of crap out to the car.  I slowly scooped up some clean(er) snow, patted it over my lovely little pile and made my way back into the store (but not without first trying unsuccessfully to go back in through the exit door) and walked across the front of the store, cheeks burning, back to the checkout, with half the people gaping at me in silence and the other half doing a poor job pretending like nothing happened. After this walk of shame I finally reached my cart, mumbled an apology, paid, waited in humiliation as they finished bagging everything and, refusing to look anyone in the eye, booked it the hell out of there.  I can only imagine the kind of discussions that happened after I left.  ::facepalm::

Let me just end this lovely little story by saying that I am not a person who embarrasses easily.  However, today's event was on a whoooooole new level. I'm now a bit (more than a bit) afraid to go ANYWHERE.  For the rest of my life.  
Yay full day morning sickness! 

Hubs will be doing the food shopping for the next 20 years.


  1. Ooooooohhhhhh my god!!! I couldn't help but to laugh! I'm so sorry!!! If I were you, I would have burst back in the store and proclaimed, "So, I'm pregnant!" LOL! Sorry you got sick and had an audience!

    1. Haha! Oh man, I wish I would have done that!! I couldn't even think straight! Oh, it was so awful, lol! I don't blame you laughing...

    2. ::smooch smooch:: sorry for laughing!! Little Petey is giving you a run for your money! ((hugs))

  2. OMG! So sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully you can curl up on the couch and eat some of that food you bought and feel better.

  3. Oh my goodness you poor thing! But what a great story to tell your child ;)

  4. Oh my gosh, sounds like something I would have done! Lol, you poor thing! Well I hope you're feeling better! On the bright side, I think the humiliation would have been a lot worse if you couldn't have made it outside... right?! Somewhat positive there, haha.

  5. Oh my, Chickin! I'm sorry, that's awful, but hilarious to people it didn't happen to! And Tiny Dove is right, at least you made it outside!! In my bouts with nausea, I am known to carry plastic bags in my purse for this very reason, you never know when it might creep up on you! <3

  6. Oh my gosh Chickin! I'm so sorry that you had such a crappy experience. I think I might have ran for it. I hope that the "morning" sickness starts to ease up for you soon. Hugs <3