I mentioned before how absolutely appreciative I have been of all the support I've received from everyone - here of course but especially on my support groups on Facebook. It truly has meant the world to me to know that so many people care and are thinking of me, my husband and our little Petey Nugget. During the times this past week when all of this has just felt like too much to bear, one of the ONLY things that has helped me is to read the messages of love everyone has sent, and think about how much support we have around us. This is an awful and tragic thing to live through and there's nothing that anyone can do but I want you to know that your words really are getting me through this nightmare.
Up until now I have been grateful and appreciative but today, I am truly humbled. Late this morning I received the most amazing gift from all the wonderful ladies of IDOB (my infertility group) and SAIF (my success after infertility group): cards filled with special messages of love and comfort and a stunning necklace from Tiffany & Co (!!):
I am stunned. I am so humbled that all of you care SO much about little old me and for the first time in a week, the big fat tears rolling down my face are for happy and grateful reasons, not from pain. I don't even have the words to express what this means to me. My IDOB girls know I love them - so many of us have been together through thick and thin, celebrating each others small victories and sharing in each others disappointments. Some of you really do feel like sisters to me and although we still have never been able to give each other a real hug (yet!), these relationships feels truer to me now than most of the ones in my daily life. These women of IDOB and SAIF are the ones who understand without having to explain things. They are truly good people - generous and kind and loving, and every single one of them deserves every happiness in the world. I haven't even been active in the SAIF group for all that long and am blown away that so many of them were still kind enough to take time out of their very busy days and money out of their pockets for me. I am so so grateful. Thank you all.
One of the things that moves me the most about this thoughtful gift is the fact that these messages were sent to both me and my husband. I've felt bad for him because he hasn't had a support group: he just has me and that's been hard on him. I have been able to feel all the love that's surrounding us but he couldn't, and now he can SEE it plain as day with all of those wonderful messages. We cried together reading them all and it makes me so happy that he now understands how much people care about us. I know it makes him feel less alone and I am so thankful to every one of you for making that possible.
And the necklace: It is so very beautiful and it means SO so much. It's something tangible that is so much more than just a necklace: it's full of love from every one of you and I really can feel that love radiate from it. I also couldn't help but notice that it is an imperfect heart. I feel like that perfectly represents my little Petey Nugget (it even looks like a nugget!): something beautiful that is imperfect. I can feel it rest against my collarbone and I think it's going to make me always feel like Petey is still with me even though it's symbolic. I will be wearing this during tomorrow's pre-op and on Thursday morning during the procedure, and will hold it tightly as I go under and think about all the love that is surrounding and enveloping us. I know it will give me strength and peaceful thoughts as I drift away and will take away the fear and the loneliness. I know that it will also help fill the empty spot within me when I come to and realize that my Petey is no longer physically a part of me.
Thank you all so SO much. You truly are wonderful and generous and caring and loving and sweet and thoughtful and AMAZING women. And a very special thank you to Cici. Cici, I know you organized this and pulled all these messages together and created these cards and collected money and bought this precious gift. Please know that I am forever grateful and I love you.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. This will be something that is with me always. <3