Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Updates from a delinquent blogger

I am a poor excuse for a blogger lately. I've been busy with both work and personal stuff so I sort of fell out of the habit and stopped thinking about it. Also, being on BCPs sort of feels like being benched so there's really nothing happening!  In spite of that, here are some random updates:

I am (mostly) sleeping again, hurrah!

I just started my 2nd week of BCPs. I will take them for 3 more weeks but at the start of the last week (10/30) I will also start Lupron shots.

I scheduled delivery for my giant box o' meds!

Next Thurs 10/24 is my IVF class. I'm really looking forward to it because I am a person who likes to know everything I can so I feel in control and know what to expect.  Right now there's still some "mystery" about IVF for me so I'm looking forward to being an IVF know-it-all soon  :-)

I went out with one of my girlfriends over the weekend and she asked how things were going so I told her about starting IVF.  Upon telling her about freezing any extra embryos for future FETs if needed (FX there will be some healthy ones to freeze!), she said "well hopefully you'll get pregnant and then you can just sell the leftover embryos to another couple who can't get pregnant!"  Ummmm, whaaat?  No. I said; "You do realize that that would be my egg and Hubby's sperm, right? We're not going to sell our fertilized eggs to someone..."  She seemed very confused and couldn't seem to understand why I wouldn't want other little 'Chickins' running around somewhere that we don't know about. Not to mention; even if we DID happen to get KU with this IVF, it's likely we'd need those embies for the the next time we TTC!  I was just met with confusion. That was a very strange conversation and left me feeling totally judged and misunderstood. Am I being the weird one here? I don't get it.  

This is a good example of why I don't really share this stuff with anyone. The sister I'm closest with knows, as does one sister-in-law.  Besides that, I told my boss because she conceived one of her children through IVF so she knows exactly what I am going through, and I've tried a few times to talk about it with my parents but that has been an epic fail.  They are from the era where you DON'T talk about this stuff with anyone and you DON'T see anyone for fertility help. You just try and try and if it doesn't happen then it wasn't meant to be. Whenever I bring it up they get visibly uncomfortable, ask zero questions, offer zero support and just sit stoically, waiting for me to stop talking so they can change the subject to safe happy topics like their garden or the books they're currently reading.

I'm beginning to feel like an alien.

This is why I love my IDOB girls so much and love stalking all you other bloggers. It makes me feel normal again.

Overall though I've been feeling quite a bit better mentally and more like myself, which I attribute to maybe being on BCPs instead of fertility meds (??). Whatever, I'm goin' with it.


  1. I am glad things are moving along with your IVF process.

    I am wondering if your friend didn't realize those would be your actual children (both you and your husbands genes) and any child you conceive's sibling. Donating fertilized eggs is definitely a big decision, and nothing to take lightly (like it sounds like your friend was doing).

    I am sorry that your parents aren't supportive of you going through IVF, that must be really tough. I am glad you have support in other places!

  2. Stalking craving satisfied, don't ever leave me again!! :P
    I'm sorry that your friend was so insensitive, it amazes the things that some people think are ok to say (let alone think!). From one fellow alien to another, you're not alone, I got your back :) ILY <3

  3. Haha, Jaytee! Another fellow alien here ;)

    Embryo donation is such a personal and difficult decision. I'm sorry you felt judged by your friend. That's why I stopped talking to my mom about all of this stuff. I felt like I was constantly being judged... not a good feeling!!

    And about feeling normal on BCPs... Same here!! For 12 days, I felt like myself again. All these hormones are making me cRaZy!!!!! Enjoy the peace :)

  4. I'm sorry that you felt judged by your friend, but I'm glad that you know you can share this here and on IDOB. We're still going back and forth about IVF and one of my concerns is what to do if we're lucky enough to have more embryos than we need. It's an extremely personal and difficult decision and I just wanted you to know that you're not alone <3

  5. I've been thinking about a lot lately, and I'm glad that things are on track for the IVF cycle and that you're feeling more like yourself. I've my fingers crossed that all goes well!

    I'm sorry about the insensitive friends and unsupportive parents, though. Certainly doesn't make things any easier. At the end of the day, though, you have to do what is right for you and your DH and what you are comfortable with, not anyone else.

  6. Darn it, that was supposed to say thinking about YOU.

  7. glad to hear you're feeling more "normal" lately, I'm sure that's a nice change of pace after everything! Sorry about your friend...I agree with previous comments that donation of that kind is obviously a very personal decision! I'm also kind of in the boat of wondering if maybe she didn't fully realize that these would actually be your CHILDREN! I could totally appreciate you not feeling comfortable with that, & honestly when it comes to your friend, I don't think anyone could "know" what they would do in that type of situation unless it happened to them, so I doubt she really thought about how she would feel in that type of situation. Anyway so glad to hear things are on track for the IVF, I will definitely be keeping my fingers crossed for you!! ;)