Sunday, September 22, 2013

Same shit, different day. (Plus a wedding!)

Friday was a rough day that may or may not have included a couple hours of me laying in bed alternately crying and staring blankly up at the ceiling.  That morning I went in for another u/s and got negative results again. I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to go again but hear me out:

I called the RE office Thursday and talked with a nurse about my thoughts on how "it's unlikely any growth has happened in the span of 2 days when nothing happened during the former 5 and so this U/S #5 is probably just a waste of time etc. etc." but she ended up persuading me to come in because as she said; "Since I O'd so late last cycle these ultrasounds later in my cycle are actually MORE important that the ones I had earlier in the cycle since I obviously don't respond to meds in a normal way."  
Okay, that made some sense.

Unfortunately though, that comment (coupled with the ever-present cramping in my ovaries) planted an evil little seed of hope in me which was promptly squashed as soon as the nurse said "Well, ::sigh::, your ovaries seem to just be growing more little follies in there but with no additional growth to speak of". As soon as the words were out of her mouth I immediately (and unexpectedly) burst out crying. Ugh, I HATE crying in the office and I'm pretty sure I scared some poor girl who happened to be walking past us on her way in to what was obviously one of her first appointments (scared little mouse/deer in headlights look). I feel sort of bad about that one.

So the nurse and I sat down and discussed the anticipated calendar for IVF #1. She said that although they are now considering this cycle canceled, it makes sense for me to wait until next week to take more Provera JUST in case I happen to miraculously O late again. My body has until this coming Friday to do something if it's gonna but if not then it's b/w and more Provera. With the new cycle, I'll be starting BCPs and they'll schedule me for the IVF class.  On this timeline it looks like the egg retrieval (ER) will likely end up being the week before Thanksgiving with the embryo transfer (ET) hopefully 5 days later. That means by the beginning of December I will know if we have a little chicken nugget growing in there!

In related news;
Hubs and I attended his step-sister's wedding last night (so I guess she's my step-sister-in-law?). She is weird and her husband is even weirder and they are now the only other young married couple on that side of the family besides us. I know for a fact that they are going to start TTC immediately and I am completely serious when I say that if these two dummies get pregnant before we do then I might lose my shit!! I know I shouldn't be judgmental but they are so young and do NOT have their shit together (e.g., unstable jobs, still run to daddy for help with everything, don't seem to have a good relationship [most of the family has alluded to the fact that they think this marriage won't last]...) and I LOVE my mother-in-law and reeeeeeaaaaally want to be the one to give her her first grandchild. Sigh. I mentioned it to Hubs and I don't think he understands why that is important to me. He seems to think that because he is her flesh and blood, that his mother will...what?  Love our baby more? Feel like our baby is more special?  Ummm, no. All babies are wonderful and amazing and there is only ONE first grandchild in a family. You can't duplicate that feeling. I don't care how shallow I sound - I want my MIL to feel that way about MY child! ::stomps feet:: 
Come on IVF #1!!! Pleeeeease work for us!!!!!


  1. I feel your pain on the step-sibling baby thing. It can be really hard to see other "less ready" folks become pregnant when you 1) have tried for so long 2) feel like you are more prepared to welcome a baby. I faced that with someone in my family and believe me it was rough!

    I hope that your IVF goes well and you won't have to worry about that!

  2. I totally hear you, Chickin, I'm sorry :( We are out for first grandbabies, but when SIL announced #2, as you probably recall, I had a bit of a meltdown that we'd been lapped. I am really hoping this IVF cycle is the one for you and you get your little chickin nugget!!