Worst wedding reception ever.

Hubs and I went to a friend's wedding tonight. It was lovely; flowers, dresses, cocktails, yay. 

Unfortunately, it was the worst reception ever (for me anyway) because I ended up being seated next to an acquaintance who is super annoying and superior because she has a child and the rest of us don't. All night long I sat there nodding, smiling, and picturing ways that I could kill her with the items at the table.  She is actually the wife of an old friend of mine but we haven't seen one another in a long time because they moved away. He and I had a bit of a thing before we met our spouses and she knew about it (not that it was a secret) so she's always acted jealous and competitive around me.   
Bitch, I have no interest in your man. Been there, done that. NOT interested. 

So of course I end up being seated right next to her at the table and she takes the opportunity to brag about her child ALL NIGHT LONG and say how she's "sooo sorry [I] don't have a baby yet" because "until you have a baby you have no idea what you're missing and how great your life can be". 
Wow, thanks for the info.

Hubs and I were the only other married couple at the table so (A) this was sort of an inappropriate topic with which to be monopolizing the conversation and (B) all her ridiculous comments were directed solely at me. Now keep in mind, all she knows is that Hubs and I have been married for a year. She doesn't know if we're even interested in having children nevermind trying, but that didn't stop her from spouting off helpful "tips" on how to get pregnant (Just stop trying and you'll get KU!/It only happens when you don't think about it!/Other assorted stupid comments that I won't bother listing here and insulting your intelligence). And let me interject that they weren't actively TTGP with their child, it was just a "happy surprise!" so of COURSE she is an expert on all things TTC-related.  Grrr...

There's only so much nodding and smiling that can be done while soaking in all this insensitive stupidity without losing your shit, so once it was even mildly socially-appropriate to leave, Hubs and I high-tailed it out of there. 

Ugh, what a shitty night. I'm glad it's over but am totally bummed that she completely ruined my night. I'm glad these two moved away and I hope it's another 5 years before I see them again.  Yuck.