Sexy time with chronic pain

I just went back and reread my very first blog post. It was interesting to remember how I felt then compared to how I feel now and everything that's happened since.

One of the things that really stood out to me was my comments about how Hubs and I rarely had sex unless I made him. His back pain has always been the #1 issue with his low sex drive so although we have had conversations about the issues caused by that (me feeling undesirable, him feeling guilty, etc.), I could understand and never pushed him too hard. Thankfully, things have changed since that first post.

Now, he is 100% on board with the TI schedule and checks with me to confirm what day we should start having EOD sex. On the "X" days he actually even initiates most of the time (unheard of)!  I know that the EOD sex is physically hurting him but he never complains, he just does what he need to do and then rests and ices his back more frequently.  

I realize it's kind of a sad way to think about making love as "doing what he needs to do" but honestly, it's true for us right now.  We are doing what we need to do to make this baby - it's routine and unexciting and there is only one position that works for him pain-wise that still allows him to finish every time (and believe me, we've tried everything) but if that's what I can get then I'll take it.

I won't lie in that I do wish we had the sort of relationship where he wants me all the time, just can't get enough, and wants to have wild crazy sex in every position on every surface of the house (and backyard!) but this is the reality of our situation and although it's not ideal, it is what it is.  I love so much about him and our life together that this seems to be a small price to "pay" for all the good in our marriage.

I'll be interested to see what our sex life is like after we finally get pregnant and aren't being forced by a doctor to have regular sex :-)  Every woman I know has said that her sex drive went waaaaay down after kids so maybe a time will come when I find that this is actually the ideal situation for me! 

Either that or we'll get him some Viagra.  Ha!