Friday, June 7, 2013

I didn't pee myself today!

This may seem like an odd choice for a blog post title but trust me when I say that not peeing myself today is something worth celebrating.

Fergie: Classy as ever.

This morning I went to the RE for an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any cysts (I don't!) and can start on 100 mg Clomid with my new cycle (I can!).  It was scheduled for 7:30am which is not fabulous since it's about an hour drive to the RE office and I am NOT a morning person but hey, I'm not about to complain.  It was the kind of U/S where you need a full bladder to start with, they do the roll-down-the-pants-thing and poke at your gunt for a bit (I swear they TRY to make you pee your pants) and then they allow you to go to the bathroom as prep for your date with the dildo-cam.  

So today I woke up at 5:45am, peed, and immediately starting chugging water. I really have a hard time eating or drinking anything within an hour or so of waking up (it's worse the earlier I get up) so there was a fair amount of gagging going on.  By the time I left the house at 6:30 I had finished about 20 oz. I brought two more bottles of water with me for the car ride and managed to drink/gag my way through another full bottle by the time I got there.  I still didn't really have to pee yet so of COURSE they were on schedule for the first time ever and actually called me in right at 7:30. I laid down, rolled down the pants, the tech put the goo on me, took one look and declared that my bladder was not full enough and I had to go back out into the waiting room and drink more water. Ugh.

Somehow I managed to drink another full bottle without barfing (grand total was approx. 60 oz. of water in 2 hours) and I paced around the waiting room waiting for it to move to my bladder. When she called me back in about 20 mins later it had definitely reached the bladder - I laid back down and seriously thought I was gonna have a gusher while she poked around taking her sweet ole time.  Then she let me pee (sweet relief!) and we proceeded with the condom-covered wand portion of the morning.
Aside: I always feel slightly weird with the condom-covered dildo-cam since, while guiding it in me, I can't keep myself from thinking about it being a sort of minor form of masturbation. Because, y'know, it's totally normal to be laying naked from the waist down in a dimly lit room next to someone I've never met while they reach between my legs and play around with the phallic object in my vajay. Obviously it's nothing sexual but transplant this scene to my bedroom and replace the random butch female tech with my husband and it's a whole 'nother situation.
Anyway, so she finishes, I get dressed, talk with the nurse about the plan for next cycle, get my prescriptions for Provera and Clomid and go. 

Problem 1: I did not pee again before I left the office. 
Problem 2: It is now 8:30 am and I am stuck in rush hour traffic going south into Boston on a rainy day and I have to pee. UGH.

Luckily, I made it to a highway rest stop which was nice and clean and smelled great (/sarcasm) so that was a relief. Then I got back in the car and continued on my way. Unfortunately, about 30 mins later as I was realizing that I had to pee AGAIN and planning to get off the next exit I came across with signs for a McD's/DD's/gas station/anything, I hit a WALL of traffic that was at a complete stop. I will not lie in that I had a moment of sheer panic. No one was moving, nothing was happening and I couldn't see anything - no flashing lights, no ambulances, nothing.  We sat for about 5 mins (the rain on the windshield didn't help) and just as I was seriously contemplating just leaving my car and running through the rain to go pee in the woods in the middle of the highway median, the car in front of me started to creep forward! I was so excited I almost peed, haha!  We finally crept our way through an accident taking up the two right lanes and I passed a sign saying the next exit had a Dunkin Donuts! Yay!  I took that exit, screeched into the parking lot, raced into DDs and found myself third in line for the bathroom.  Are you kidding me?!

And so, to my everlasting shame and with two women watching me, I went right into the men's room. Gotta do what you gotta do.  Luckily it was a single bathroom with a locking door so I didn't have to deal with anyone at the urinal but after peeing like a racehorse for about 2 mins straight, when I came out there was a man waiting who definitely did a double-take. Whoops.  I could see that woman who was in front of me in the line before was still there too and was staring at me. I avoided all eye contact and ran away. Heh.

I made it the rest of the way home without incident (and of course had to pee again by the time I got there) and learned some valuable lessons for the next time I have a 7:30am U/S.

Wow, that was a long post about having to pee. After this morning I kind of figured I was officially good and hydrated for the next couple days but ironically, I've been drinking water while writing this :-)

Fuller! "He wets the bed!"


  1. This is hilarious, I'm actually laughing out loud reading this! It'always the one time you really need to pee you get stuck in traffic AND the taunting rain on the windshield! Glad you made it, to the mens room! (I totally would have done the same thing!)

  2. I am glad you had no cysts and that you can proceed with the Clomid! Also glad you didn't pee yourself! What a day!

  3. Haha! I loved reading this post! I have a similar story from the last time I had to get an external u/s. I was sitting in the waiting room literally about to reschedule the appointment so I could just go pee, then a man cut me off and went into the bathroom. Luckily, they called me back right at that same minute or else I would have started crying (whilst simultaneously peeing my pants). The radiologist was casually introducing herself when I looked her dead in the eye and said, "I am literally about to piss my pants." She didn't hesitate a second. We rushed back to the room, and she got that u/s done in under a minute. I have never felt so relieved!

    And about your side note with the vag-cam... LOL! I have TOTALLY had the same stream of consciousness while having my first internal u/s. It is so weird that now it's completely routine and I don't think much of it. Hahaha!

    And finally, good luck with the clomid. Grow, follies, grow!!!!

    1. Thanks! And I totally LOL'd at the "literally about to piss my pants" comment. Ha!

  4. omg this is hilarious! man, that is a LOT of water you drank, I cannot imagine! :/ I have the exact same feelings about having to pee while driving in the car, especially when in traffic, it's the worst!!