I have a tenant!

I had my first ultrasound yesterday morning at 6 weeks and they confirmed that Pete has indeed taken up residence in my ute :-D  Let's just hope he's signed the lease for the full 9 months.  

Unfortunately there is no picture to share (sorry J & CC!) because all we saw was a black area with a definite round ring at the edge of it which was apparently the yolk sac. Honestly it was pretty uneventful since Hubs and I really had no idea that we were even looking at anything.  However, the nurse confirmed that although there's nothing much to see yet, everything is as it should be at this point.  Before we went in she said we were right on the borderline of possibly being able to see a heartbeat so we were excited but it turns out it was still too early.  Boo. I also learned that I have a few massive cysts still on my ovaries: 36mm, 40-something & 52. Yikes. Hopefully those will go down soon.

We've been scheduled January 2nd for our 8 week ultrasound (we should definitely see something then plus the heartbeat!) and "exit interview" with the doctor.  Assuming all is well, that will be my very last visit to the RE.  It sounds silly but I almost feel scared about that.  I've come to rely on this clinic and the nurses so much it's like they are my safety blanket and now I'll be released into the world as a "normal pregnant woman". I don't feel normal though. I still have that feeling of being lost and it's like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I want to feel happy and hopeful and excited but instead I feel very guarded with a slight sense of dread that I can't shake.  Maybe I've just seen too many instances of women finally getting PAIF and then losing it, that I can't fully believe that I'll be any different. 

I don't know when I'll start to feel good and positive about this.  Maybe after 12 weeks?  15?  Maybe once I see there's an actual BABY growing in there?  I don't know.  I feel like I owe it to all my friends still struggling with IF and my family (and likely myself too) to be over the moon happy about this but I'm still having a hard time believing any of it.

Hubs felt good after yesterday's appt.  He was waiting for yesterday's results to feel good and secure and now he does. Just like that. I wish it was that simple for me.  Both he and my sister want us to announce it to everyone on Christmas Eve (we host both families at our house every year). I don't.  I can't help but feel like it could be a big mistake.  However, there will only be a handful of people here who aren't aware of our IVF so it seems sort of dumb to tell everyone except a few. I guess my issue with it is that it just feels so FINAL if we do an actual announcement.

If I had to go back to October when we started this IVF cycle and do it over again, I would tell almost NO ONE about the IVF.  Since so many people knew, it's forcing our hand now and we've had to tell people we're pregnant so much earlier than we would have wanted to.  I know it's completely illogical but I feel like every additional person we tell makes it more and more likely I'll miscarry.  I know that's dumb so I'm currently trying to smack some sense into myself.

In the meantime, I'm reading some baby books so I can get a clue as to what happens during pregnancy and what I should and should not be doing.  I also need to find an OB.  Technically I have one but she's terrible so I need to find a new one prior to my Jan 2nd appt. That means I also need to decide now which hospital I want to deliver in. This is easier said than done since I have more than a dozen choices around here and really have no idea what I'm looking for, what to ask, and what's good or bad.  Oy. Wish me luck!