I have been completely MIA.

Sorry 'bout that folks.

I was seriously just about dead from all the government shutdown-related work that had to get done through Monday and had to recover.  But, I am now recovered!  Yay! My back is better too which is a huuuuuge relief.

I'm on Provera day 4/5 and side effects have been minimal so far - just a handful of hot flashes and some seriously f-ed up dreams.  Hopefully I'll be getting AF around next Tues and then can start the 4 weeks of BCPs.  I already have them and am so ready to get moving on this IVF cycle already! We've been scheduled for the IVF class on Oct 24th and I have my sounding test on Nov 7th. If all goes according to plan, I will hopefully be PUPO by Thanksgiving!

"Franks and Beans!"..."What about Brett Fav...ruh(?)"

This week I've also been kitty-sitting while my sister and her hubby are on vacation. We had some super-special cuddle time today which was adorable but ended with me getting hives all over my face and neck and pretty much looking like Woogie from There's Something About Mary. 
Me thinks I am allergic to cats. 
It was not attractive.

Besides that, I've been lamenting the fact that we had to cover the pool yesterday (on an 85 degree day). Waaaahhh! Swimming was my relaxing time and my go-to when having a bad IF day.  I now need to figure out a new happy-place.

I need to find some time to do some serious blog/IDOB stalking soon! Right now Hubs and I are gonna watch the episode of Homeland we have on the DVR though :-)

Bad Provera Cycle

I normally don't have too many side effects from Provera - hot flashes, crazy vivid dreams, slight headaches, a little grouchiness here and there... This cycle was a different story. I still have the ever-present hot flashes but this cycle has added insomnia, huge mood swings, irritability, and REALLY bad stomach issues (aka: crazy GI pain and cramping with diarrhea) into the mix. It's been a blast.

Thankfully, I took my last pill yesterday so I really hope my body straightens it's shit out asap. I normally get my period 4 days after the last pill which would put CD1 on Saturday and my CD3 U/S on Monday which is gonna be tough with my work schedule. I'm reeeeaaaaaally hoping that AF shows on Sunday so I can go in on Tues for monitoring but honestly, after this Provera experience I should probably just be happy to GET a period, regardless of when it comes.

Hoping there's some Tampax in my future!

CD57: Just waitin' to bleed

I finished the Provera Rx yesterday so now I'm just waiting to bleed so I can start the Clomid on CD5!

This time I took the 10mg pills for 5 days instead of the 5mg pills for 10 days.  I always take it before bed so that I can sleep through the side effects but that didn't really work this time since the hot flashes and subsequent sweating woke me up multiple times a night for the past 4 nights.  It felt like I was laying in a bed of fire.  I'm sure my hubby loved all the exasperated huffing and cover-throwing coming from me the last few nights. Still better than feeling like that while at work though! And I do like that the Rx only took half the time.  

Now I'm just keeping my FX that I get a period since the beginning of this cycle started with 18 days of bleeding. Technically, that ended a full month ago now though so hopefully my lining has built back up in that time.  We'll see!

CD 85: bad, CD 1: good

Hmm. In the past, I've gotten my period (heavy) on the 3rd morning after the last Provera pill. However, today is the 4th day after the Rx and I only had a tiny bit of spotting early this afternoon then nothin'. Humph.  I would MUCH rather be on CD 1 than CD85 right now. I am still holding out hope that the floodgates will open tonight before I go to bed but time is getting short here. I don't like this...

Creepiest movie ever!  (Also, wicked gross, I know. Sorry.)

 

 UPDATE: Tues ended up officially being CD1 even though very light.  Yipee!

Provera-induced genius!

I keep a notebook and pen on my nightstand because if I'm awake in the middle of the night and get an idea in my head, I have no hope of going back to sleep until I write it all down. Unfortunately, after writing it down I oftentimes will still spend hours thinking about it while laying in bed trying to ignore the chainsaw next to me (aka: my sleeping husband), since I seem to find myself so clever that I get all excited about my idea and can't go back to sleep anyway. Sigh.

Lately, Provera is not helping matters. I'm currently halfway through the Rx and it definitely affects my sleep (not to mention giving me some sweet hot flashes). My newest talent is waking up right at 2:30am and not getting back to sleep until it's almost light out, writing down oh-so-important notes to myself here and there until I finally stop thinking about it and conk out.  Most mornings I'll turn over and find that I wrote things like "email Sarah about laieruoid!" or "DON'T FORGET: Aeriowrp the foer!!!" But this morning, I rolled over and found a relatively comprehensive 5-page outline for a novel!  Ooookay. I totally forgot that last night I decided that my new profession is going to be "writer".  Silly me.  

After taking way longer than it should have to decipher all the chicken-scratch, I gotta say... it's actually kind of good! I really have no idea where this sudden inspiration came from, but DAMN I am creative in the middle of the night! Is it crazy that I'm thinking about actually writing it?  I've never written anything besides school papers and these blog posts but why the heck not, right? Maybe this can be my new like, decade-long project that I will probably just eventually give up on (since I am a master at starting projects and not finishing them), or maybe lil ol' me could actually write a book someday!  Weird.  

If this is what comes from 5 days of Provera, imagine what LSD could do for me! Hmmm...

"All the flowers would have extraordinary powers..."

Provera Day 1 (Finally)

I've been feeling almost normal lately and not depressed! Hmm, interesting. 

Instead of feeling like this all the time:

I'm now feeling more like this:

I'll take it!

I'm not quite sure why this is so I've been trying to analyze the "data" (i.e.: FF charts) to find patterns. It looks like the worst of the depressive feelings happen about 3 days after each time I gear up to O but then don't.  My guess is that it's a sucky side effect of my estrogen levels (and LH? and FSH?) staying high for a while and then very gradually dropping when I don't O, instead of the immediate drop that would happen if I had O'd.  That's just a guess. When I see my new RE on March 14th I'll talk to him about it. In the meantime, I'm just happy I'm feeling okay right now!

In other news, I FINALLY get to start my Provera Rx tonight. Yahoo!  (At this point I am so out of the TTC mind-frame that I don't even know what CD I'm on. [Ok, just checked: 72.]) So that means AF should be showing up around March 12th and I can finally restart this cycle. If it works according to plan I would be on CD3ish when I see the RE so they can do repeat b/w if they want to and can order an HSG for this cycle instead of waiting until (likely) late May which would (likely) be the next time I would be on CD 5-10.  Fingers crossed the timing works out well!

Called the RE!

I did it - I finally just bit the bullet and called an RE this afternoon. I seriously feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I don't really know what I was waiting for. They were SO NICE on the phone that I sort of feel dumb for putting it off and worrying about it.

I was supposed to start taking Provera again tonight but when I talked to the nurse today I asked if I should hold off until closer to the appt since I assume they'll want to do testing on certain cycle days (b/w, HSG, etc.) and my cycles are so damn long that who knows when I'd be on CD1 again?!  She agreed that that would be the best thing to do so now I'm just back to more waiting. 
I'm getting good at this.

Get it? It's like a page loading while you wait.... No? Okay.

Update on next steps (CD65)

I heard back from the nurse I love at my OB/GYN's office. She talked with bitch doctor and let me know that the recommendation is indeed for me to be referred to an RE. Okay, I can deal with that if it would get me some help. Obviously, the big problem with me not conceiving is that I don't ovulate. Even though that really sucks and nothing will happen on the TTC-front until something is done about that, I can be patient there since we're only on the 9th month of trying.  But what I am getting very impatient about is the effects from my crazy out-of-whack hormones due to PCOS. Since bitch dr doesn't want to talk to me about what can be done to regulate my hormones, I am more than happy to start seeing an RE asap if they can help me with that.  I am definitely not myself and almost every day is a struggle now. I need to get some help.  

Unfortunately, this OB/GYN office only has two RE offices they are in the habit of recommending patients to: one is even farther north than the current office and the other is even further NE. Both locations are very inconvenient for me, particularly if I need to go to appts multiple times a week later on down the road.  The nurse did a little research for me and found some other suggestions that are further south - mostly around the Boston area.  Also not ideal but better, since it's closer to my work office. At this point, I will be researching those and making an appt as soon as I choose one.

Other than that, I am just waiting to take the Provera that's sitting on my counter. The nurse wanted me to wait until Fri to make sure I'm not KU but I think I may take a final HPT tomorrow night and if it's negative (which I'm sure it will be since my temps have not moved) then I'll take the first pill before bed.  At this rate I still likely won't get my period for exactly 2 more weeks so it's about time to get this show on the road!

Well that was dumb of me...

So I just talked to the nurse at my OB/GYN office to make sure it was all good to refill the Provera Rx and I totally forgot that I can't just run and pick it up today and then just start taking it tomorrow because Hubby and I sexed it up just a few days ago! She told me they want me to wait two weeks then take another HPT before I start it to make absolutely sure I'm not KU. I am bummed and reaaaaally wish we hadn't had that sex the other day since I'm 99.9% sure it's not going to be leading to a BFP. I was all pumped to start the Provera asap but totally forgot about this little nugget of info. 

So now I need to wait until next Friday 2/22 to pee on a stick, then start my TEN day prescription and then I should get my period 3 days after that (assuming the Rx works the same way as it did last cycle).  Sigh. That means I won't be on CD 1 again until March 7th which would make this cycle 80 days long. Boooooooooooo. 

Also two thumbs down?: The last few seasons of The Office

 I also talked with the nurse about my next steps in general.  She said that at this point, since I haven't been able to have a period without Provera and none of my charts have indicated an ovulation pattern, she thought that the Dr. would probably want to refer me to an RE.  I asked her about potentially starting Metformin to try to regulate my hormones (or even something else TTC-friendly that could help with the depression feelings) and she said she'd speak to the Dr.  I did relay to her that although I don't doubt I have PCOS (due to SO many symptoms), I am wondering whether I need more testing to confirm the Dx, since I have never had an u/s to actually see if I have cysts, and my CD3 b/w was normal! 

Soooo, I don't know what's going to happen. I guess we'll see what the lady doctor has to say.