7 weeks

Little Pete is a blueberry!

A teeny tiny little blueberry who makes me both ravenously hungry and ready to puke with no advanced warning. 

Pete has also officially zapped all my energy. My house is a DISASTER. We hosted Christmas Eve/Christmas Day here for our joint families and I still have not cleaned up. Luckily my parents did all the dishes before they left so the kitchen isn't gross but there is random shit everywhere. I honestly am exhausted just thinking about picking up. Perhaps by the time I go back to work on Monday I will have taken care of it. 
Perhaps not.

We did end up telling everyone our good news on Christmas Eve. There was no grand reveal because I didn't feel comfortable doing anything like that but it was still nice.  My parents were the first ones to arrive and at one point I decided to just casually slip into the convo that "[their] baby is going to have a baby".  My mother shrieked and they both got teary and there were hugs all around. It was more emotional than I expected and is a nice memory.  

Hubs ended up telling his mom at one point when I wasn't in the room - apparently he was talking with both her and my mom and said something to the effect of: "So how do you feel about the fact that you're going to need to take some grandma lessons from her? [while motioning to my mom]" I guess she was pretty confused and then he told her that the IVF worked and we are pregnant.  I walked into the room to hear her repeating "no way...NO way..." while hugging him and then she ran over to hug me. At one point she exclaimed: "I'm gonna be a grandma!!" It was very cute.

That left only a few others who didn't know yet and I took the opportunity when we were all gathered around the bar getting drinks. Someone asked what I was making and I listed off the contents of my cup and mentioned that my drinks will be alcohol-free for a while. Then I just stood there staring at them with a dumb grin on my face as I watched the recognition cross their faces. 

All in all it was fun and I actually felt some comfort the rest of the holiday knowing that we didn't need to hide anything anymore.  I had morning sickness on Christmas morn and everyone was very understanding and it was nice not to have to make excuses.  Also, throughout the holiday one of my sisters kept softly patting my stomach saying hello to the baby. I said "you do realize you're just patting my stomach fat, right?" Hahaha! It was still cute though :-)

I'm amazed that I really do feel a bit more at ease now that it's out in the open. I'm sure I will still have pangs of fear every now and then (hopefully less and less) throughout this pregnancy but currently, I'm feeling good. It also helped me to write out that last blog post.  I was feeling so yucky and then feeling even worse because I was blaming myself for feeling yucky. It was good to get it out and feel like maybe I can start to let go of some of that shit.  Thank you so much to everyone who commented. You all are so wonderful and I feel very lucky to have such a supportive and non-judgmental group of online friends.  ((Hugs))