Florida, Reveals, and Therapy (19 wks)

Hi! I'm now into my 19th week and have a lot to update on! (Warning: Long one)

First, physically I am doing okay. I think I'm finally starting to get a little of the 2nd Tri energy I've heard so much about so that's pretty awesome. I still have the constant nausea though so I'm still on Zofran daily. Thankfully it works most of the time but then there are times like the other night when I ended up puking on the bathroom floor because I couldn't get out of bed and to the toilet quickly enough. Ugh.  

I also had my first awful calf cramp in the middle of the night earlier this week. THAT was a treat.  I shot up straight in bed out of a dead sleep like I had been tasered. My leg was hard as a rock and hurt SO F-ING BADLY.  I had no idea what to do - I couldn't really reach it very well to massage it and half the time massaging seemed to help and the other half it made it worse so I just sort of writhed around in pain attempting to relax the muscle and not die.  The pain started to subside so I thought it was over but a few seconds later it came back with a vengeance and I couldn't help screaming and gasping in pain. I scared the shit out of Hubs who likely thought I was in early labor and he jumped out of bed and sort of ran around the room in the dark in confusion, haha. I tried it tell him it was just my leg but I couldn't really get the words out since I was gasping and flopping around like a psycho with my face mushed into the blankets. It was quite the scene at 4am I tell you.  He came around to my side and massaged it for me and tried to get me to stretch and flex... it took a very long time to get it back to the point where I felt it might be okay to try to go back to bed again but it stayed uncomfortable and tight the rest of the night and I could tell it was on the verge of spasming again. That was Wed night. It's now Saturday and my leg STILL hurts. Crazy. I am drinking water and milk and eating bananas like there's no tomorrow (apparently hydration, calcium & potassium can help) in the hopes that that doesn't happen again.

In other news, still no movement felt yet.  I really hope to feel something soon! I know baby will be even harder for me to feel since I have an anterior placenta but I'm getting a little antsy. I like when I can differentiate things between this pregnancy and the last pregnancy because it reminds me that just because bad things happened last time it doesn't mean they will this time, but at this point with Petey I still couldn't feel him either. FX it happens soon.

Also, I'm officially gaining weight now! I'm up 2 pounds and am strangely proud of myself. Remind me of this when I am over 200 again and want to cry.


Second, I went to Florida earlier this week!  I'm so glad I did.  I got to reveal the pregnancy to my parents (and 2 sets of aunts and uncles who live down there too) and it was really fun.

(I also finally got to see a beautiful gulf coast sunset for the first time which I was hoping to do :-) 

Purdy.

~~~STORYTIME~~~ (sorry if you're on SAIF and have already heard this)

So when we landed my dad and uncle picked us (me, my sister, and baby boy!) up from the airport and I got big hugs and funny looks immediately. I could see them both glance down at my belly but pretend they hadn't. While they asked about our flights and joked about the fact that we were dressed for 20 degree Boston weather not 80 degree Florida weather and loaded luggage into the car I was mean and didn't say anything about the obvious elephant in the room. Finally I let them off the hook just before we climbed in the car and said: "So. Notice anything different about me?" while I motioned to my belly.  A huge look of relief came over both their faces and my dad said: "Yeah! You swallowed a basketball!" Hahaha!  We all hugged and my uncle shook my dad's hand saying "Congratulations Grampa!" It was pretty cute. Dad was all questions on the way back to the house about how everything's been going, how far along I am, when I'm due, etc. It was obvious he was really happy.
As we pulled up to the house and got out of the car my mom and aunt were coming down the driveway to greet us with big smiles.  I was holding a bag over my belly and as they got closer I said: "I hope you don't mind that I brought someone else with us".  A look of confusion crossed their faces and then I took the bag away and they FREAKED OUT.  They both screamed and started skipping/running/bouncing down the rest of the driveway to come swarm us with hugs. They were both bawling and laughing and just so so excited and happy. Once they ran out of people to hug they just started hugging each other and jumping around and crying and shrieking. It was hilarious. I SO wish I had gotten it on video!  They were just so happy and it was a really good feeling and now a really good memory.  
Later, I gave them this present (wrapped in both pink and blue) to let them know that they'll be having a little grandson :-)

It was really nice to be able to tell them in person. We'll be telling my in-laws later this week on Thanksgiving too. I'm not sure yet how we'll reveal that it's a boy. I did buy another one of these picture frames in case I want to do the same thing but now I'm wondering if maybe I should bake a blue cake or something. I'm still undecided but I'm sure whatever we do will be exciting.  My parents already have other grandchildren but this will be my in-laws' first grandbaby so I expect lots of tears and happiness.


Next: I've been going to therapy appointments for the last couple weeks and haven't had a chance to write about them yet. I think they are really helping.  I like this therapist. She isn't one to just sit and listen to me talk, instead it's like more of a conversation. And she asks helpful probing questions that make me think and also gives me homework every week which I like!  Last week's homework was to let myself feel some excitement around this pregnancy and to start to share it with others. When I went in for my appt this week and told her I actually ended up flying to Florida and revealed to my parents she was kind of dumbfounded and joked about me going for extra credit. LOL!  The timing just happened to work out to spontaneously make the trip though and it definitely helped me start to feel excitement about this baby.  Now that I'm finally reaching my milestones (anatomy scans and 20 weeks PG this coming week) I really am starting to focus more on this pregnancy and less on my loss.  It is a good feeling.  My homework this week is to work on imagining positive future outcomes: start to picture a healthy rest of the pregnancy, a positive labor and delivery of a healthy baby, and how life will be for us when this little baby comes home. (I still have to fight myself not to say "IF this little baby comes home with us" so obviously this area is something I need to work on.)  I'm very happy to have found this therapist though since we click well and she specializes in maternal/prenatal areas. I think it has already helped and I plan to keep going every week for the foreseeable future.


Okay this is crazy long so,
Lastly, I have my anatomy scan 2.0 on Monday morning! They will recheck everything and should be able to confirm if everything is good with baby boy's heart.  We will also find out for sure if he only has one kidney.  I am hoping for the best with everything and, though I have a little bit of anxiety, I can honestly say I'm feeling pretty good. I'm happy this will be one more milestone to overcome and I'm feeling pretty positive.

(Also - major hugs and love to my girl RunCC who will be finding out on Monday if her beautiful embabies stuck!! Hoping and praying SO HARD for you, love!!)