Starting to spill the beans (plus nursery shtuff!)

I just told the coworker I'm closest with that we're expecting.  She is so awesome. She was wonderfully supportive throughout our IF journey and loss and didn't disappoint this time either. She told me she suspected but didn't want to put me in an awkward position by having to talk about things I wasn't ready for and then said:

I am keeping my fingers crossed and am cautiously excited and optimistic for you!!! xoxoxox! You are a courageous superwoman!

I am amazed at how she always knows the exact right thing to say.
I am lucky she's in my life. 

Besides her, I need to tell my boss next week when we're both back in the office.  My blump is now unable to be hidden so people will start suspecting soon (if they're not already) and I certainly don't want her to hear about it through the grapevine.

In addition to my coworker, both of my sisters know and about 4 of my closest girlfriends.  That's it.  After Friday's scare though, Hubs had a bit of a breakdown and told me he wants to tell his parents soon because the thought of losing this baby with no one in his life knowing it ever even existed was too much for him.  [It's so hard to see your strong rock of a husband vulnerable :-( ].  I agree about having the support so we plan to start telling more people soon.

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On another note, I've begun buying stuff for the nursery. I don't know why. I just want to. Maybe it's because after losing Petey I had nothing tangible of him. No little bear, no onesie, no bibs, nothing.  I can't do that again. I hope I won't be forced to say goodbye to this baby but if life turns out to be that cruel I don't want to be left with nothing but the emptiness inside me again.  It's possible I'm starting to go a little crazy with purchases though and should probably take it down a notch.

I also apparently am convinced this baby is a girl since I'm buying pink things. ::facepalm:: 
I am aware that that is a very silly thing to do but for some reason I can't stop myself.

Here's a pic of some of the stuff I've already bought. There will be many store returns if we discover there actually a little boy taking up residence in my ute!

As you can probably tell, I plan to go for a grey, pink and white theme with elephants & giraffes, chevron prints and polka dot accents. I plan to paint the walls grey except for an accent wall behind the crib which will be white with polka dots (polka dot idea stolen from Ally!). 
Yeeeeah. I am aware I'm only 11.5 weeks along...

I think my thing this time is that I had IF Brain so badly last time that I never got a chance to enjoy shopping and planning and dreaming about the nursery before it was all taken away from me. This time, no matter how short our time may end up being with this baby, I want to have a chance to enjoy some of that!  My Loss Brain is sometimes on overdrive but I don't want to let that keep me from getting any enjoyment out of this pregnancy. 

I plan to keep right on shopping. Fuck the fear.