I took a test today at 14DPO and it was stark white. I don't have the energy to try to express all the conflicting emotions I feel about that.
However, despite my continued uncertainty as to whether TTC again is what will help move me out of this low place or if finding a way to move out of this on my own before TTCAL is the better plan, I've decided I am sick of feeling unsure and afraid. I am an action-oriented person so I am taking action: Hubs and I are meeting with the RE on Thursday to start the process for FET #1. In the last week I had all my medical records from the pregnancy and D&E (from my OB, Periontologist and Operating Dr [3 different hospitals]) sent to the RE's office and have secured another 6 months of referrals from my PCP.
Ready or not, here we come.
I don't have any idea what this must feel like but just moving forward with a plan has made me feel better. Although our plan got delayed a month, there is still a plan :) Wishing you the best of luck moving forward!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Chickin <3 <3 <3
ReplyDeleteYour post reminded me a lot of the last few scenes of the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" Have you seen it? one of my favorites.
ReplyDelete**SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVEN"T SEEN THE MOVIE**
So its the part where Red talks about how he is tired of being afraid now that he is out of prison and then you see him boarding the bus to go meet up with Andy in Mexico and he says "get busy living or get busy dying" anyway that reminded me of your post!
So congrats on getting busy living!
I love that, thank you! That movie just happens to be my all-time FAVORITE movie so maybe my brain was subconsciously channeling it :-) Thank for making that connection for me. I expect that thinking about this during the inevitable times when I question if I'm doing the right thing or not will give me strength! ((HUGS!))
DeleteThe uncertainty is expected. Good luck at your RE appointment. I hope that as you move forward, you will begin to feel more certain about TTC. I really think you would be a wonderful mother to another child. You can love try for another baby and still keep your angel in your heart. And at the same time, if you feel like you need more time, than you are entitled to all the time you need.
ReplyDeleteDon't think, just do. That's the message that comes across to me the most from this blog post. Even though it sounds harsh, I've found it to be a useful strategy in the past. It's like the ultimate sorter-outer of emotions. As you start getting involved in the process, at first you feel like you just have to shut your heart off. But eventually, once your brain and body takes over, your heart comes back into it. And she either says, yes, this is alright. Or, no, stop the train, it's all wrong!! I don't know if that made sense, but that's what I've got for you! That and lots of love!!
ReplyDeleteThat makes LOTS of sense. I totally agree that "Don't think, just do" applies to my current situation. It seems that I get in a depressive slump if I think or analyze but I feel better when I just DO. So that might be my M.O. for a while.
DeleteI have nothing wise or witty to say today -- I got nothin'. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and wishing you all the best! Sending you lots of love! <3
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thank you <3 I appreciate that just as much!
DeleteGiant hugs and lots of love for you as you move forward <3
ReplyDeletePersonally I love the messy things. The other day I made this cake. We were on our way over to a friends house and were running behind so the cake didn't have time to cool and I really needed to ice it. Well the icing melted EVERYWHERE, and when I took one of the layers out of the pan it completely fell apart. But I'll be damned if that wasn't the best freaking cake ever.
ReplyDeleteLove you Chickin <3
ReplyDelete