Little dude is 15 months!

Since I just wrote a huge update the other day I will spare you and just post the update pic :-)

I decided that once Jack turned a year I'd keep up the official update pics every 3 months until he turns two.

Oh, I lied: One thing I didn't update on last time is my hubby.  He did have his back surgery in April and while recovery was tough (for both of us) for a couple months he is doing SO MUCH BETTER now.  It is a HUGE relief.  He still has limitations but he can actively help care for Jack now which has made a huge difference in our lives.  I seriously want to cry, it's such a big deal for us. Yay.

And I am actively losing weight! It's only been less than a week but I'm already down a few pounds and am heading in the right direction. I think I'll post "weight-loss wednesday" check ins starting this week. :-)

San Francisco bound!

Well, it's happening. This east coast gal is going to become a west coast gal in the next couple months.  Does this mean I need to retire the "ChickinNH" name? "ChickinSF" just doesn't look right...

Hubs and I officially decided he should take this promotion (it's a BIG step in his career) and so to San Francisco we go!  I'm choosing to look at it as a new adventure and maybe (hopefully) as a fresh new start.  It's no secret I've fought depression for the last few years and it was certainly a battle after Jack was born with the PPD/PPA but things are pretty decent overall these days.  I'm still on Lexapro and occasionally still see my therapist but things feel under control now.  What is NOT under control is my weight. I'm 10 lbs heavier than I was when I got PG with Jack and I've decided it's time to do something about it. I'm hopeful that this move will help me with weight loss.  I've developed bad habits that I need to break and this big life change can help me start fresh with good habits. The sun, the water, the hiking, the proximity to fresh produce and walking trails... all of it should be good for me.  And what's also good is that this will likely only be a 2 year move (tops).  The new initiative my hubby is undertaking should be completed within 2 years so if we want to move back to the Boston area then, we can. And I assume we will since we both grew up here and all our family and many friends are here. Another good thing is that we will still be able to keep a residence here in NH during that time as well since we will be back and forth quite a bit, mainly for Jack's dr. appts.  It's taken a full year to find the right specialists for him so I do not plan to move all his care to CA just to (likely) move it back to Boston again. Barring any issues arising during the next couple years, we should only need check ups once per year with most of his doctors so I will try to lump those visits together when I can and just come back east here and there over the next couple years.

Speaking of Jack medical news; he is doing great.  He FINALLY had his MRI and overall it was good news.  No compression at the base of his spine, so no surgery needed at this time. Also, no hydrocephalus found in his brain. Huge relief! They did find a potential issue with swelling of the sheaths surrounding his optic nerves though so we were referred to an Ophthalmologist for some testing.  Luckily they didn't find evidence of damage to the optic nerves themselves (that would cause irreparable blindness) but they weren't sure if this was an issue that was getting worse or if he was born with the swelling due to intracranial pressure and it's actually getting better. So we went back to the specialist a month later for repeat testing and found there as been no change.  Overall, good news. We'll need to go back again in 3 months, and Jack's Neurosurgeon also ordered a repeat MRI for 2 months from now to ensure everything is still okay as they did find ventriculomegaly (enlarged ventricles of the brain, common with Achon), and though his nerves aren't currently being compressed, one of the vertebrae in his neck juts out at a funny angle so they need to keep an eye on it. Hopefully everything will be fine.

He's doing awesome though. Within the last month he started sitting on his own and pulling to stand and we are just so proud of him. He is so happy and smiley and I am just totally in love. His new challenge as of today is trying to climb up the stairs. Uh oh.

Here are some pics of him doing his favorite things:

Swinging!

Pool time

Playing with balloons

Being naked (probably his most favorite thing).

He has such a personality and is totally a toddler now (complete with attitude).  He'll be 15 months in a couple days and I'll post the update when I have it.

We also were lucky enough to go to the Annual LPA (Little People of America) Convention this past weekend as it just happened to be here in Boston this year!  It was a really wonderful and unique experience to be able to see so many little people of all sizes, shapes, and abilities, and to truly understand that we are part of something so much bigger than just our little world. Pun intended :-P
We plan to go again in future years but likely not until Jack is old enough to start to get something out of it.  Many little people meet their best friends and future spouses through LPA so we definitely want it to be a part of our and Jack's lives. Here's a pic! Final attendance was more than 2,200 from all across the US and Canada!

In case you are wondering, we did not make it into the picture due to a certain cranky baby who shall remain nameless.

So there's my update!  In a nutshell: Jack is doing good, Hubs and I are doing good, we're about to start planning/packing for our big move, and I'm going to start focusing again on losing weight. Don't be surprised if you start to see some diet/exercise check in posts again soon!

Jack is One :-)

My baby is no longer a baby.  He turned one last weekend! 

I really should have taken more pictures during the party but here are a few.  He had an awesome time and was such a ham. He loooooved all the attention. I think I'm in trouble.

The week before we had his cake smash photoshoot and it was adorable.  He is such a cutie.

"WHY AM I SO STICKY?!!!!!"

I can't believe my little muffin is one. It had been quite a year. A life-changing, eye-opening, challenging, amazing whirlwind of a year. I love this little guy more than I know how to express. My life has changed so so much in one short year.

And Jack really is doing great. He's so active now and is starting to try to pull up on things (not quite there yet though). He's such a happy and loving little guy and is just a little ray of sunshine.

In medical related news, Jack has his first ear infection (poor guy) so the MRI that was re-re-re-scheduled for this week had to be postponed YET again until the end of May. This whole situation with the MRI is almost comical now.  Hopefully someday it will actually happen, haha, and all will go well there.  And we have about a billion dr appts lined up because almost all his specialists like to see him around a year to ensure everything's still looking good.  I don't anticipate any new issues with anything so I hope I'm right. It's just that pesky MRI I still have some anxiety about since it has been pushed off SO many times. I'm just hoping he hasn't had spinal compression this whole time and we haven't known it...  The MRI will also examine his brain to make sure everything's good there and he's not dealing with any major hydrocephalus (very common with Achon kids) or any other issues.  Overall though he seems healthy and happy so I'm feeling positive in regards to all his medical stuff.

In general I'm feeling pretty good/positive. I think the change to my birth control pills has really helped to even me out. Finding the right BCP plus the Lexapro seems to be doing the trick!  That is a big relief.  I've only been going to therapy every other week or so now, and my very last physical therapy session is next week! Hoorah!!  My back is SO MUCH BETTER now. It's incredible.  I still get tired and have some soreness but I no longer have pain. It's amazing.

Hubs, on the other hand, is scheduled for his second back surgery next week. I am REALLY hoping it helps to alleviate some of his pain. I honestly don't know how the poor guy gets through every day. He needs to get some relief. Recovery should be about 1-2 weeks in bed, then 1-2 weeks of taking it very easy, and then at least another month of picking up nothing heavier than a gallon of milk. Then he'll have 2 months of physical therapy.  I'm sure the surgery and recovery will go fine, it will just be a bit harder on me since I have Jack and now will need to care for Hubs.  Once he's better we're still planning to put the house on the market too (just in case life wasn't crazy enough already).  We're actually not sure where we're going yet though... We needed to sell this house to move closer to Boston so he doesn't have such an awful commute, but now things have potentially changed.  He got a big promotion. One that he has been working towards for years and years. I'm very very proud of him but at the same time it means we may be picking up and moving to San Francisco.  Yeah.  Sooooo, there's a lot going on. We're hoping to know for sure by the end of next week what our future will be. Or at least, where this future will take place.  Thanks to the last few years I am no stranger to being in limbo and not knowing which way my life will go so I feel like this is just one more potential shift in this crazy life of ours. We'll see!

On this day...

On this day 1 year ago: We found out Jack had dwarfism. I was 36 weeks pregnant.
On this day 2 years ago: We found out Petey had so many birth defects he likely would not make it. I was 19 weeks pregnant.

Two years in a row we were at MFM on this day, learning the fate of the child I was carrying. Crying, wondering how this could be our reality.

March 17 & 18 are loaded days for me. Last year was so surreal to be in the same place with the same doctors as the previous year. It was a huge relief to hear that there was a low chance of Jack's dwarfism being lethal but I'm not sure it eased much of the anxiety and the overall sense of doom and deja vu.  I've been dreading the days leading up to today and yesterday. I wonder how many years it will take for me to NOT have my past be my prevailing thought leading up to these days. I wonder if that will ever fully go away.

I feel ashamed when I think back to one year ago. When the OB told me the ultrasound revealed that he had dwarfism I was in shock. I was scared, I was confused, I felt cursed, I felt...disappointed. I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to be carrying a little person. I barely even knew what dwarfism was. I just knew it wasn't "NORMAL".  And ALL I wanted was to be normal. After being "special" due to years of infertility, after being "special" due to IVF, after being "special" due to loss, and due to choosing TFMR...I was in too many categories outside the norm. I just wanted to be normal. I wanted one thing to go right. I wanted to put all of these hardships in my past and be able to say to the world, "yes I overcame challenges and it was hard but it didn't break me, and look at me now, I'm just like you - just a mom with a son".  But receiving his dwarfism diagnosis confirmed that I, and my family, would never be "normal". I could have hid my past from the world if I chose to but I can't hide this.  My son is a dwarf. A year later I still haven't sorted out all of my feelings related to that. I know that I'm afraid for what the future holds for him. I didn't want him to be different but he is. And will always be. We will need to figure out how that looks and what that means for him. But what I do know is that I love him. More than I ever even thought possible.  And I just want for him to be happy. There are so many unknowns when it comes to his (and our) future but I just want him to be happy in life.

Our lives changed forever on this day last year. And it changed forever on this day two years ago. But I'm glad to report that so far, today has been a rather ordinary day :-)

Jack: 11 Months

Eleven!  (Less than) One month to go until my baby is a YEAR old!  How in the hell did that happen?!

He is doing awesome as usual. He was supposed to have his MRI (the one that has already been rescheduled twice) yesterday but we had to reschedule AGAIN because Jack's getting over a cold and he had a high fever. Apparently no anesthesia within two weeks of a fever. I'm beginning to get anxiety about the whole thing now.  It's been pushed off for so long that I feel like my brain is now becoming convinced that either it's a really bad idea so fate keeps intercepting, or that it's becoming dire for him to get it since it's been pushed off so long!  Ugh.  Post partum hormones are still making me a crazy person.

Speaking of; I'm still on Lexapro and it's helped.  Still not sure if I need to either up my dose or change meds but I saw my PCP last month and mentioned my crazy mood swings and depressive states and so on and so on, and we decided I should try a new birth control pill - one that has increasing levels of hormones each of the three weeks instead of the same amount of hormone throughout the month. I just finished the first pack and I do think it helped me stay a little more even this month!  Yay. I'm hoping that all I needed was a BCP change. We'll see how this next month goes.

In other med-related news, I stopped Metformin about 4 months ago.  When I started it about 3 years ago it was to help me ovulate (it didn't, if you recall).  Then I stayed on it because it helped me feel a little more even with my moods, THEN I stayed on it through pregnancy because there are studies showing that it can help women with PCOS produce more milk with breastfeeding (Yep, didn't do that either).  Finally, I was afraid to get off of it because I had been on it so long and didn't know if I'd developed insulin resistance during that time OR if I'd have even worse mood swings since I was already experiencing PPD/PPA.  However, one day I was just like, "why the F am I still on this?!" So with my PCP's approval, I stopped. And I've had no problems. We checked my A1C and it's been totally normal, I don't have insulin resistance, I don't have any added crazy mood swings, and, bonus: I finally poop like a normal human again!! Looks like I was on a med for the last three years that did absolutely nothing for me.  Humph.

Oh, and did I also mention that I'm now apparently allergic to Penicillin?  And now also having reactions to eating eggs. Awesome. Apparently this is a thing: After pregnancy, a woman can develop allergies to things to which she was not previously allergic. That's some bullshit right there.

Nothing else really going on.  I'm planning Jack's bday party. I cannot WAIT for his smash cake photosession :-D  And we're flying my parents in for about a week so they can be here for it too. They miss him SO MUCH. I don't blame them. He is pretty much awesome and irresistibly cute. We're also starting to prep the house to put it on the market and starting to look at houses closer to Boston so Hubs' commute can be shorter.  He's going to need another back surgery very soon so we'll probably do all the house stuff after he recovers. I think we're looking at late April/early May.

Anywho, that's what's going on over here! Here are a bunch of Jack pics because I can't resist:

Hi! (trying to make an escape)

Loves to feed himself!

My phone is his favorite thing

This is how he plays with toys since he can't sit on his own yet.

Flexible!

I don't think he could be cuter.

Had a playdate and he LOVED this car. We're getting it for him in blue for his bday (minus the wine).