Health Check in: Week 2

Weight loss this week: 1.5 lb

Total weight loss so far: 4 lbs

Best health moment of the week: Talking with the nutritionist about my diet and learning I am doing all the right things, I just need to keep it up!

Goals for next week: 

• MOAR EXERCISE! 
• Plan meals in advance then go food shopping and actually cook them.

Thoughts: This is going well!  I realize I may be slightly obsessed but I guess overall it's a good thing to get obsessed with.  Beats being obsessed with (not) Oing...

Today's Appt with Nutritionist

I had my appt with the Nutritionist today. It went really well!  Because I'm using MFP I already have a list of everything I've eaten for the last 2 weeks which she reviewed and confirmed that I'm doing all the right things. Yay me! 

She also told me that I do NOT need to be on a vegan diet (yet another black mark for my incompetent PCP - check out this old blog post if you want more details) so I am stoked! She gave me a ton of helpful info including lists of foods (best sources of soluble fiber, foods highest in saturated fat, etc.) and also stuff about how to eat for PCOS! All super helpful!

She also sent me home with some websites to check out:

• nutritionsource.org 
• fooducate.com - website to look up nutritional content of all foods
• fortheloveoffood.org - her own website with recipes
• Dean Ornish's Eat More Weigh Less cookbook  - mostly vegan recipes

Finally, she said I should think about looking into "plant sterols" to help lower my LDL (bad cholesterol) since I can't be on meds while TTC. Apparently it's difficult to get the recommended 2g per day so many people take a capsule or Benecol chews but she said I should talk to my RE first before taking anything to ensure they don't interact with the fertility meds. Has anyone every heard anything before about plant sterols? 

(If I start taking these my metamorphosis into a 60-yr old man will be almost complete!)

Overall I feel really good about today! I'm happy that I've been doing all the right things and feel motivated.  Now I just need to plan more, cook more, and get more exercise.
I can do that!

Side effects of 100mg Clomid...

...have been almost non-existent! I am pretty surprised (and pleasantly surprised!).  It's CD9 so I'm taking my last dose tonight and so far I've had a couple hot flashes but that's it! No nausea, headaches or acting like a crazy person...Yet.  

Sex-a-thon begins tomorrow!  Hubs better start stretching now.

Can We All Agree?: North West Edition

I just have to mention this: Kim Kardashian named her daughter North?  North West. Really?

Can we all agree that North West is a ridiculous name for a child? (Even worse for a FEMALE child?) However, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Kim is a complete douche. I have such vitriol for this dumb talentless famous-for-being-a-whore biatch.  I guess I had hoped that with motherhood she would grow the F up a bit for the sake of her child but it seems my expectations were too high. This poor kid is so screwed. What a shame.

Who wants to make a bet that if they have another 'oops' and it's a boy, she names him Easton?

Health Check in: Week 1

Well, I got through the first week and it's been really good! Weight loss total equals (drum roll please): 2.5 lbs! Yahoo!

Joining MyFitnessPal has been great - I log in absolutely everything I eat which I thought would be really annoying but it's actually been good. They make it very easy since they have a huge database and I also downloaded the IPhone app so that I can just do it on the fly. It also makes me think before just popping something into my mouth because I have to ask myself if it's really worth the hassle of having to log it.  

I love that MFP keeps running totals throughout the day of your Cals, Carbs, Fat, Protein, Sodium & Sugar along with your target numbers so I can see how much more I'm "allowed" to eat after dinner so I can plan accordingly. One of my biggest issues was night-time snacking and this has totally solved that problem for me since I see it as a challenge to keep the numbers under the target each day (except for protein).  The biggest eye-opener for me regarding diet was the amount of sugar I had been eating!  There is seriously sugar in EVERYTHING. The target per day is 30g which is nearly impossible - I hit that number just with fruits and cereal most days! I've been focusing on lowering the sugar intake and I've had headaches the last 2 days because I think I'm going through sugar detox!

Regarding exercise, I bought a Fitbit which is like a pedometer but better. It's little and cute and it counts steps, distance, how many "very active" mins I had that day, and how many calories I burned all day (even when not exercising).  It syncs with my laptop wirelessly so that I don't have to log in anything AND it connects with MFP so whatever extra cals I burn that day are automatically added onto my "target total" in MFP so I know that I can eat more and still reach my goal for the day.

I believe I heard that you're supposed to strive for 10,000 steps per day - I did not reach that this week but came very close yesterday and have been able to keep it above 7K every other day. It was an eye-opener to see how few steps I take on days when I'm in the office so I now know that I should plan for designated exercise on those days.

Ok, I'll shut up now and post the overview. Thanks for reading!

Weight loss this week: 2.5 lbs

Best health moment of the week: Put on a shirt this morning that I wore a week ago and didn't see a muffin top through it today!

Goals for next week: 

1. Continue healthy eating - focus on lowering sugar intake (try for under 50g each day)
2. Work on planning dinners in advance
3. More planned exercise instead of just random walking/playing with the pup 

Success with FIL

Today hubs and I hosted a cookout for our Dads/families for Father's Day. I had been dreading it for the last couple weeks because my FIL would be there and if you read this recent post: clicky!, you know that my FIL is not exactly the most sensitive person in my life when it comes to our T-TTC.

However, whatever my hubby said to him after our last interaction must have worked because my FIL did not breathe a WORD about babies/me not being KU/his impatience about becoming a grandfather/anything even semi-related to us having a child. THANK GOD. I honestly don't know how I would have handled if he had said something (I'm PMSing and have had a couple not-so-great-IF days lately) so I am beyond relieved that I wasn't confronted with a situation that I wasn't feeling emotionally prepared for.

Let's hope his new-found silence on the matter sticks around!

Hello accountability!

If you read my last post, you know that I'm now officially getting serious with diet and exercise so that I can try to naturally bring down my high cholesterol/triglyceride levels (so that we don't have to stop TTC indefinitely until meds can bring down the numbers).

Therefore, I signed up for MyFitnessPal (MFP) and will be tracking everything I eat and all exercise. I'm hoping that posting my progress here may help me stick to it!

And so, in the spirit of accountability, I'm letting it all hang out:

Height: 5'5"
Starting Weight: 198
Weight Loss Goal: -1 lb /week
Exercise Goal: 3 cardio sessions + 2 strength training /week

With these goals, MFP set my daily calorie limit at 1500 which I think is very attainable. The last two days have come in a couple hundred under that total and with the added exercise, the program calculated that I'll lose closer to 2 lbs a week if I continue in this way.  

It will be interesting to see if my PCOS has an effect on this since supposedly it's harder to lose weight with PCOS with the insulin resistance and all. Web MD says: "When you have PCOS, shedding just 10% of your body weight can bring your periods back to normal". I'll let you know in 20 lbs if that's true or not. FX!

And I do want to lose weight of course, but this is really more about improving my cholesterol/ triglyceride numbers and eating heart-healthy foods whenever possible so I am less worried about the caloric intake and more about the kinds of foods I'm eating. I'm meeting with a nutritionist on the 26th to make a plan so we'll see if that changes the MFP goals or not.

I'm kind of excited! Is that weird? Probably.

I'm thinking maybe every Friday (or every other) I'll do a quick health check-in post to keep myself accountable.  I also added that handy-dandy weight-loss tracker over on the right side of the blog that links to MFP so that I can't hide even if I don't post an update :-)

I can't wait to look like a Shar Pei!

Apparently I'm a 60 yr old man

Yesterday I met with my PCP for a Pap (always a good time) and to get the results of my repeat b/w checking cholesterol/triglycerides.  The results were not good.

Last November I had my numbers checked for the first time and they came back really high. The doc wanted to put me on medication (Statins) but we are TTC and Statins are category X which means they would likely cause birth defects and/or loss and the risk would outweigh any positive benefits. So with the blessing (and cautions) from my doc, I opted to instead focus on diet and exercise over the next 6 months and then we'd recheck the numbers.  Also, since high cholesterol is linked to PCOS, I had hoped the daily 1500mg of Metformin for the last 3 months would have had a positive effect. It didn't. My numbers yesterday were almost identical to 6 months ago.

She deduced that since I have been doing everything right and I'm young and otherwise healthy, the high cholesterol is very likely hereditary. I know it definitely runs in the family; grandparents on both sides of my family died of heart attacks and strokes, and when I told my Dad about my results last November he casually slipped into the conversation that HE has dangerously high numbers too. How nice of him to not bother to tell any of his children this so we could get tested. Grrr.

So the dr. gave me three options moving forward:

1.) Stop TTC and take Statins for an indeterminate amount of time until my levels are in a healthy range. No idea how long it would be until we could start TTC again.

I would like a child with 1 head please.

2.) Keep TTC and go on a non-Statin med called Niacin which is category C, aka: there has not been enough testing done on humans to determine the effects on a developing fetus but there were negative effects seen with animals.
 
3.) Keep TTC, seriously overhaul my diet, hope that it works to naturally bring my levels down a bit, and hope that I get KU soon so that I can go on meds after the baby is born.

Ugh.
I do NOT want to stop TTC right now.  It's taken a full year just to determine what's going wrong. We've finished the testing and we're JUST starting treatments (I still haven't had even 1 chance in all this time to actually conceive!) so I decided that #1 is not an option right now.

Re: #2: My dr. said that I have "the cholesterol of a 60 year old man" (thanks Dad!) and since "levels like these are rarely seen in young women of child-bearing age so there have been very few studies done on the effects of Niacin on developing fetuses", I don't trust the Niacin. I'm not interested in being a guinea pig so #2 is out.

Therefore, I've decided to go with #3 and hope for the best. The doc said I should seriously consider a vegan diet (there is no way I would willingly do that unless I HAVE to) so I'll be meeting with a Nutritionist in about 2 weeks to create a specific food plan so I know that I am being as healthy as I can possibly be during this time.  I will also need to get more serious about an exercise regimen (right now I just exercise a couple times a week when I feel like it). And I went food shopping and stocked up on fruits, veggies, lean meat and whole grains.

Wow, this is going to be fun. {/sarcasm font}

Wish me luck.

That's me on the right, eating my heart-healthy Fiber One!

Sexy time with chronic pain

I just went back and reread my very first blog post. It was interesting to remember how I felt then compared to how I feel now and everything that's happened since.

One of the things that really stood out to me was my comments about how Hubs and I rarely had sex unless I made him. His back pain has always been the #1 issue with his low sex drive so although we have had conversations about the issues caused by that (me feeling undesirable, him feeling guilty, etc.), I could understand and never pushed him too hard. Thankfully, things have changed since that first post.

Now, he is 100% on board with the TI schedule and checks with me to confirm what day we should start having EOD sex. On the "X" days he actually even initiates most of the time (unheard of)!  I know that the EOD sex is physically hurting him but he never complains, he just does what he need to do and then rests and ices his back more frequently.  

I realize it's kind of a sad way to think about making love as "doing what he needs to do" but honestly, it's true for us right now.  We are doing what we need to do to make this baby - it's routine and unexciting and there is only one position that works for him pain-wise that still allows him to finish every time (and believe me, we've tried everything) but if that's what I can get then I'll take it.

I won't lie in that I do wish we had the sort of relationship where he wants me all the time, just can't get enough, and wants to have wild crazy sex in every position on every surface of the house (and backyard!) but this is the reality of our situation and although it's not ideal, it is what it is.  I love so much about him and our life together that this seems to be a small price to "pay" for all the good in our marriage.

I'll be interested to see what our sex life is like after we finally get pregnant and aren't being forced by a doctor to have regular sex :-)  Every woman I know has said that her sex drive went waaaaay down after kids so maybe a time will come when I find that this is actually the ideal situation for me! 

Either that or we'll get him some Viagra.  Ha!

Worst wedding reception ever.

Hubs and I went to a friend's wedding tonight. It was lovely; flowers, dresses, cocktails, yay. 

Unfortunately, it was the worst reception ever (for me anyway) because I ended up being seated next to an acquaintance who is super annoying and superior because she has a child and the rest of us don't. All night long I sat there nodding, smiling, and picturing ways that I could kill her with the items at the table.  She is actually the wife of an old friend of mine but we haven't seen one another in a long time because they moved away. He and I had a bit of a thing before we met our spouses and she knew about it (not that it was a secret) so she's always acted jealous and competitive around me.   
Bitch, I have no interest in your man. Been there, done that. NOT interested. 

So of course I end up being seated right next to her at the table and she takes the opportunity to brag about her child ALL NIGHT LONG and say how she's "sooo sorry [I] don't have a baby yet" because "until you have a baby you have no idea what you're missing and how great your life can be". 
Wow, thanks for the info.

Hubs and I were the only other married couple at the table so (A) this was sort of an inappropriate topic with which to be monopolizing the conversation and (B) all her ridiculous comments were directed solely at me. Now keep in mind, all she knows is that Hubs and I have been married for a year. She doesn't know if we're even interested in having children nevermind trying, but that didn't stop her from spouting off helpful "tips" on how to get pregnant (Just stop trying and you'll get KU!/It only happens when you don't think about it!/Other assorted stupid comments that I won't bother listing here and insulting your intelligence). And let me interject that they weren't actively TTGP with their child, it was just a "happy surprise!" so of COURSE she is an expert on all things TTC-related.  Grrr...

There's only so much nodding and smiling that can be done while soaking in all this insensitive stupidity without losing your shit, so once it was even mildly socially-appropriate to leave, Hubs and I high-tailed it out of there. 

Ugh, what a shitty night. I'm glad it's over but am totally bummed that she completely ruined my night. I'm glad these two moved away and I hope it's another 5 years before I see them again.  Yuck.

I didn't pee myself today!

This may seem like an odd choice for a blog post title but trust me when I say that not peeing myself today is something worth celebrating.

Fergie: Classy as ever.

This morning I went to the RE for an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any cysts (I don't!) and can start on 100 mg Clomid with my new cycle (I can!).  It was scheduled for 7:30am which is not fabulous since it's about an hour drive to the RE office and I am NOT a morning person but hey, I'm not about to complain.  It was the kind of U/S where you need a full bladder to start with, they do the roll-down-the-pants-thing and poke at your gunt for a bit (I swear they TRY to make you pee your pants) and then they allow you to go to the bathroom as prep for your date with the dildo-cam.  

So today I woke up at 5:45am, peed, and immediately starting chugging water. I really have a hard time eating or drinking anything within an hour or so of waking up (it's worse the earlier I get up) so there was a fair amount of gagging going on.  By the time I left the house at 6:30 I had finished about 20 oz. I brought two more bottles of water with me for the car ride and managed to drink/gag my way through another full bottle by the time I got there.  I still didn't really have to pee yet so of COURSE they were on schedule for the first time ever and actually called me in right at 7:30. I laid down, rolled down the pants, the tech put the goo on me, took one look and declared that my bladder was not full enough and I had to go back out into the waiting room and drink more water. Ugh.

Somehow I managed to drink another full bottle without barfing (grand total was approx. 60 oz. of water in 2 hours) and I paced around the waiting room waiting for it to move to my bladder. When she called me back in about 20 mins later it had definitely reached the bladder - I laid back down and seriously thought I was gonna have a gusher while she poked around taking her sweet ole time.  Then she let me pee (sweet relief!) and we proceeded with the condom-covered wand portion of the morning.

Aside: I always feel slightly weird with the condom-covered dildo-cam since, while guiding it in me, I can't keep myself from thinking about it being a sort of minor form of masturbation. Because, y'know, it's totally normal to be laying naked from the waist down in a dimly lit room next to someone I've never met while they reach between my legs and play around with the phallic object in my vajay. Obviously it's nothing sexual but transplant this scene to my bedroom and replace the random butch female tech with my husband and it's a whole 'nother situation.

Anyway, so she finishes, I get dressed, talk with the nurse about the plan for next cycle, get my prescriptions for Provera and Clomid and go. 

Problem 1: I did not pee again before I left the office. 
Problem 2: It is now 8:30 am and I am stuck in rush hour traffic going south into Boston on a rainy day and I have to pee. UGH.

Luckily, I made it to a highway rest stop which was nice and clean and smelled great (/sarcasm) so that was a relief. Then I got back in the car and continued on my way. Unfortunately, about 30 mins later as I was realizing that I had to pee AGAIN and planning to get off the next exit I came across with signs for a McD's/DD's/gas station/anything, I hit a WALL of traffic that was at a complete stop. I will not lie in that I had a moment of sheer panic. No one was moving, nothing was happening and I couldn't see anything - no flashing lights, no ambulances, nothing.  We sat for about 5 mins (the rain on the windshield didn't help) and just as I was seriously contemplating just leaving my car and running through the rain to go pee in the woods in the middle of the highway median, the car in front of me started to creep forward! I was so excited I almost peed, haha!  We finally crept our way through an accident taking up the two right lanes and I passed a sign saying the next exit had a Dunkin Donuts! Yay!  I took that exit, screeched into the parking lot, raced into DDs and found myself third in line for the bathroom.  Are you kidding me?!

And so, to my everlasting shame and with two women watching me, I went right into the men's room. Gotta do what you gotta do.  Luckily it was a single bathroom with a locking door so I didn't have to deal with anyone at the urinal but after peeing like a racehorse for about 2 mins straight, when I came out there was a man waiting who definitely did a double-take. Whoops.  I could see that woman who was in front of me in the line before was still there too and was staring at me. I avoided all eye contact and ran away. Heh.

I made it the rest of the way home without incident (and of course had to pee again by the time I got there) and learned some valuable lessons for the next time I have a 7:30am U/S.

Wow, that was a long post about having to pee. After this morning I kind of figured I was officially good and hydrated for the next couple days but ironically, I've been drinking water while writing this :-)

Fuller! "He wets the bed!"

And here it is...

...the 1 year post I always knew was coming.

Woohoo! 1 year! Party!

Today it doesn't feel too bad (thankfully). But it's tough knowing that in all this time and with all this effort, there has not actually been any chance at all to get pregnant since I haven't ovulated.  

On the bright side, in the last year I have learned a lot about my body, have completed all my testing, and have moved on to IF treatments. It's no longer a matter of just waiting and wondering WTF is happening (hint: nothing), it's now a matter of knowing that nothing's going to happen on its own and trying out different treatments to see what works.  At least there's a plan now and I'm moving forward (however slowly it may be) instead of just standing still.

Today's CD25 so I called my RE to let them know that my first medicated cycle was a no-go and am waiting for a call back.  The nurse said she expects the RE would probably want to up my dose to 100mg Clomid (after more Provera). I let her know about my suspected cyst so I'm interested to hear what he has to say.  I sense another visit with the dildo-cam in my future!